Feeling Behind

I know most have probably felt this way at some point in their lives or are feeling it right now, but I have really been battling the feeling of being behind. It all ties into that darn comparison trap. My older sister (year and a half older) is married, has a 5 (almost 6) year old, and is wanting to have another baby. My younger brother (year and a half younger) is married and they are expecting their first baby girl in February (SO EXCITED). My two little sisters are in serious relationships and will probably be engaged soon. Three of my five best friends are married and one of those three has a one year old son. Another best friend is engaged, and the fifth is in a serious relationship and will probably be engaged very soon. It is hard to think of how everyone you know is moving on with their lives and you feel like you are just stuck where you are.

The battle with this is I know I am not stuck, but I still get dragged down this hole of feeling like my life isn’t going like it is supposed to. I am not saying that all of this is because I do not have a boyfriend. I know a man does not determine my life. But it is more of my life isn’t going according to MY plan, yet everyone I know is. A breakup almost four years into a relationship was not part of my plan. Being single at 28 was not part of my plan. My plan was to be engaged right about now and planning a wedding. Instead I just work and talk about dates like nothing but inside I am terrified to go on one. Which leads me down another hole of thinking OMG I AM GOING TO BE ALONE FOREVER BECAUSE I WILL NEVER MEET SOMEONE. Then I think, well maybe I am meant to be the single one forever. Like how do you meet someone, or better yet, how do you meet someone when all of your friends are in relationships?

I have to remember that MY plan means nothing. This is all GOD’S plan. I am only here because of Him and my life will go according to His plan and His will, no one else’s. As much as I try to control everything or have very strong ideas about how things should go, they mean nothing to His plan. This has been a major time of practicing patience. It is ironic because last year two of my girlfriends and I were doing a bible study with the book Wait and See, and my whole season of waiting was for the next chapter of my life, to get engaged and get married (or so I thought). Little did I know that instead of getting proposed to by the man I thought I would marry, I would get dumped. I am still in that season of waiting however, the circumstances have changed. I know that in order for God’s plan to be fulfilled and to bring me together with the one I am supposed to be with, I had to be rid of the one I wasn’t meant to be with. It took awhile to be able to admit that, but I know God wouldn’t let us go through such pain without purpose. Thinking of it in a positive light, I am one step closer to finding my future husband BECAUSE things ended with who I thought I was meant to be with.

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Now the real waiting is happening. Before it was waiting and waiting for the wrong guy to propose which was never going to happen, but I thought I knew what was going to happen. Now the waiting is unknown. I know one day I will get married. My friend reminded me that God did not put us here to be alone. But WHO will I get married to one day? WHERE will I meet this man? WHEN will I meet this man? WILL I know when I meet this man? There are a lot of unanswered questions. In fact, all are unanswered questions. The only thing I know to be true is that I need to have patience and I need to trust in God.

Feeling behind is a constant struggle. I literally have to work on it every day or it can really get you down. It can make you not excited for people you love when they are getting what you want. I have had to consciously make an effort to be genuinely excited. Since time has passed that is easier. My excitement for my friends and my family who are getting married and having babies is real, but there is still the pain deep down of wondering when my time will be. I will keep practicing patience, it is all I can do. That, and trusting that He really does have an amazing plan and purpose for me. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future,” Jeremiah 29:11.03_1600x

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! I hope everyone had a great and safe time. I know this post seems late, right? Well my “blogging new year” didn’t start until yesterday. Why? Well my coworker was in jury duty SINCE BEFORE THANKSGIVING! Isn’t that ridiculous?! So for the last two months I was trying to do my work while trying to cover her work, AND THEN my other coworker is on a three week vacation AANNDD THEN (I wish my font could get bigger there for emphasis) my manager went on vacation for a week. So yeah, I have worked late every day except one when I had to leave for a dentist appointment. That was the only day I saw a glimpse of the sun after work, not even the sun but a sunset. Anyways her first day back was yesterday and I was all pumped to hit the ground running this past weekend and I get the flu. THE FREAKING FLU! I spent all weekend in bed and even had to call off yesterday because I still didn’t feel right and I didn’t want to get my coworkers sick. Three out of the four of us share a small office, so close air is shared. I am feeling mostly better besides my throat which aches when I swallow and eat and I am getting a horrendous cough. So a great start off to the new year, but we keep on keeping on.

I am excited to get this year going but I feel nervous like it is already going to go by so fast, 2017 was like a blur! I think a big part of last year going so quick was the fact that I was counting down to my sister’s wedding events in April, May, and June so half of my year literally flew. Then the second half was recovering and then the holidays. This year I hope to just take one step at a time. I so far have no major plans. My sisters, BFFF, and I planned a one night Plan Springs getaway and I feel myself getting excited for that I am like dude, just chill. Apart from how fast it went, 2017 was a growing year for the.B.Law. I got more comfortable in my niche, grew immensely in followers, and even started collaborating. It gets me excited for 2018 to see what it will bring.

My resolutions the last couple years had great intentions but really were not ideal. I don’t always take into account how busy I am, then I set these goals that on paper with no clock work great, but when it comes down to it, I just don’t have time for everything no matter how hard I try. Then I am just left feeling disappointed instead of accomplished. If you remember my last resolutions they were like a list. This year I want to keep is simple. I want to actually get healthy inside and out. I know everyone always says that every year, and I do not mean a strict diet because I have never really done one of those and when you live with a boy it is kind of impossible… at least with my man-child. What I mean is I want to actually pay attention to what I am putting in my body and on my body. I want to always try and make the healthier choice when I can. I even got my favorite Starbs the other morning, a white chocolate mocha no whip (because why do I need to put 70 calories on top of my already a million?), with almond milk instead of the normal 2%. I mean it was different and not my favorite, but it is something I can get used to. I even bought vanilla almond milk creamer from the store. That one is pretty good I must say.

Brando got a juicer from his dad for Christmas and we have made a couple juices. They were not terrible but I did feel like I was drinking a salad. We will learn. But I think making the better choice will help make this not feel like something we need to do, but want to do and I am hoping it just changes into a lifestyle. I obviously need to get back to the gym too, but I bought a 21 day yoga pass for a nearby studio that I am super excited to get into. I feel like yoga could be my thing.

For skin I want to start reading labels and look at the ingredients for make up and skin care. I want to find better brands (the first one I already love is Pacifica!). I recently found a new one at Target called Love Beauty & Planet. I bought their lavender body wash and I am obsessed! But I will go more into products I have found at a later time. If you have any recommendations please let me know!

For the blog I want to work on consistency and content. I am guilty of just throwing a quick few words together about what I wore and posting it. I want to give you all more quality posts and I apologize for the more recent ones that have been lacking, you deserve better.

As I said I hope you all had a great new year and are ready to get going (or if you have been going this last week good for you! LOL!) So cheers to the new year! I think 2018 will be great!

Hi, I Miss You.

Well hello there! How’s it going? I truly apologize for my absence, I’ve let the blog get away from me these last few weeks. Life has gotten so busy, I have literally had something every weekend and there is so much in those weekends that I want to share! Being part of a wedding is no joke, there is so much that goes into it. I am finally past the bridal shower and the bachelorette party (both were successes) and now all we have is the wedding trip, but still in-between these two weeks before we leave I have another wedding and a baby shower! Awwww I just want to be lazy all day and blog. Life was so crazy that I even forgot about my own blogaversary, we are 3 now!

I just wanted to let you know that I am still here. I have been doing most of my work lately on my Instagram so if you don’t follow me you should so we can stay in touch! Follow @the.B.Law. I also wanted to tell you about what I want to tell you about to hold myself accountable (did that sentence even make sense?). I will tell you in the normal Brittany fashion, in list form!… My bffffff and I have list issues, like SERIOUS issues. We makes lists for everything, then read them to each other. We even put on our to do list to make ANOTHER to do list… #freaks

Anyways, things that I want to fill you in on:

  • Bridal Shower
  • Bachelorette Party
  • 3rd Blogaversary
  • Bible Study
  • Vacation Packing (dreading by the way)
  • Catch up on style!

I think that is it… okay bye! Miss you!

27 Years

Well Brittany, welcome to 27. How strange is it that I am in my late 20’s? It doesn’t feel right to me for some reason. This past Saturday my boyfriend, one sister, friends, and I went to Lazy Dog for my birthday and on the way there all of these thoughts were going through my head like what am I doing with my life? I feel like I am at a time in my life where it is hard to not compare myself to my friends. We are all mostly the same age yet half are married, some have already bought a house, and even having babies now. As for me, I share a one bedroom apartment with my boyfriend and we are no where near getting engaged, but rather trying to stay afloat so we can make a life for ourselves… eventually. I feel like that is my go to word, “well it will happen, eventually”. It is easy to fall into the down feeling of things not going the way you thought they were. I think that is the problem, we, or at least I, had and still have all of these expectations of how my life would go and it is just not happening.

What made me feel better about this was finally opening up to a couple of my girls and realizing that they felt the same but in their own ways. Talking about it helped and the fact that we now constantly remind each other that it just isn’t our time. My bfffff posted a good blog the other night called Timeline, and she used this quote (I am not sure where she got it from):

Remember that the timeline of your love life will always be the right timeline for you. Who cares if your one friend got married at 24 or your other friend got engaged at 29 or your sister had her first baby at 31. Remember that whichever way your life works out is the exact way it is supposed to work out.

I keep reminding myself that I am unique and I do not want to be like everyone else. The time for my life to fall together in the way I want it to is coming. I have to trust in God’s timing, be patient, and be happy for what I have because truly I am very fortunate. I have a loving family, the most perfect sisters in the world, a boyfriend that I love and I know I want to spend my life with, and the most amazing best friends. I truly do have it all when I think about it. So here is to turning 27. I want this to be the year I MAKE things happen, not just WAIT for them to happen.

Life Update!

Hey there! Long time no talk, it has literally been a little over a month since I have blogged. Slack attack I know! Life got crazy so I decided to just blog after it all settled down, I already had too much stress! So this is just a quick update on life. My last post Last HB Hoorah talked about my move from Huntington Beach. For the last month and a half I was living with my older sister, brother-in-law, and 3 1/2 year old niece. My niece and I were bedmates since she has a queen size bed (not purposefully, there was just an extra bed with our whole family). I slept with her and all of my clothes were in three boxes and hanging in the spare closet. I tried to keep my stuff as condensed as possible so I literally lived out of boxes for a month and a half.  The bed situation sounds pretty nice, a queen size bed with a 3 1/2 year old, I should have all of the room that I want. WRONG! That girl owns that bed! I had no idea how much children move in the middle of the night, she put her feet on my face, turned completely horizontal, had her head against the back of my knees (that was a weird one), and must have been dreaming she was a whale because she emerged up and out of the covers and onto my face, all of this while sound asleep. I didn’t sleep straight through the night most nights, BUT I was so thankful that I was able to stay there with them, despite my sleep deprivation, I already miss them.

Finally the time had come last week to go to Georgia to see my boyfriend’s Army graduation at Ft. Banning. I was so excited to see him since it had been 3 1/2 months since I saw him last. The graduation was fun, it was cool being in another state even if it was just for a couple days. The thing that amazed us the most was all of the trees! My boyfriend, his mom, sister, nephew, and I, all flew home last Friday and I finally had him back. Then last Sunday we signed the lease on our new apartment and moved in immediately after AND he went back to work this past Tuesday (we don’t mess around here!). So finally almost all of our boxes are unpacked. Unpacking is almost as bad as packing, especially when you move into an apartment that has HALF of the storage space you used to have. I might have to get rid of some more clothes! ;( But thats not official yet haha.

Now that we are settled I am getting back into writing so please expect some more blogs! Thanks for sticking around!

Life Update

Okay, so I am ready to get back in the game here so before I start I will give my brief update on life. My boyfriend joined the army and left for basic training sooner than we thought he would so we had to figure out everything before he left. Our lease is up while he is gone so I have to pack everything up myself. We also had to make a list of apartments we like as options so when he comes back we can HOPEFULLY find a place right away. So that had all been a little stressful. But now we are all in order and he is gone. I am excited for him but I am also sad. I am not going to see him for over three months, and supposedly won’t be ale to talk to him AT ALL either, but it will be okay. I guess I will have a lot of time to write right?! So that is what is happening now! I’ll talk to you all this week! I promise! I have some cute outfits I have been waiting to share! ❤