Tag Archives: life

the.B.Law

Eternal Ray of Effing Sunshine

Let’s have a therapy session, shall we? I want to talk about optimism and positivity. Two great things, wouldn’t you agree? I am kind of known as the eternal optimist in my neck of the woods. I am always pushing for my friends and my family to see the brighter side of things, to search for the positives in every situation rather than dwell on the bad or what could go wrong. I push it a lot with my older sister whom I live with. She has a letter board in the living room and I made it say “Negative Nancy don’t live here no more”. Not long before that, the board used to say “What is the glass? Half full!”. I make she and my now nine-year-old niece chant both of these phrases often.

Negative Nancy don’t live here no more!

I tend to be this way at work too. I figure in most cases, work and personal life, what is being negative going to do to help better any situation? It isn’t going to do anything but give you a bad attitude. Usually, with some patience and a positive attitude, you can get through most bad situations. But recently, I have felt myself growing tired of my role as the eternal ray of sunshine. It has grown from me wanting to be positive, to it feeling like it is my RESPONSIBILITY to be positive, like it is my duty. It is like I have created this character and I am not allowed to break from it. Which makes it sound like a bad thing. I am not trying to brag like “oh I am so positive all the time” and give myself an undercover compliment. You know when you are in a job interview, and they ask what your weakness is, and you say something like “I am a perfectionist,” or “I work too much and don’t like to leave things unfinished” as a way of complimenting yourself? This is not what this is. In this case, I am finding out that for me, being so positive all the time, is resulting negatively on myself. I am pouring so much out into everyone else with this character that I must be, that I am EXHAUSTED. The pressure I have bestowed upon myself is just ridiculous. As if I have any power at all, that if I am not positive on any given situation, that the world might crumble for that individual. As if I am the only thing keeping their head above the water. It is an incredible weight.

I have felt myself growing tired of my role as the eternal ray of sunshine.

Since I am the one who is always so positive and glass half full for everyone else, then I feel like I am not ALLOWED to feel negative our doubtful for myself. And since I am not ALLOWED to be this way publicly, it leaves me to have to feel negative, and down, and any other kind of bad emotion by myself and deal with it alone. Not having anyone be there and be positive for you because they don’t know that you need it, can feel really lonely. It doubles up on the exhaustion. Again you are pouring everything into everyone else, and left to try and recharge on your own. This has no bad reflection on the people around me, the fault is entirely on me. I have gotten so good at keeping a positive front, that I do not let my feelings show (or at least I think I do a good job at it) that something is wrong. I am very much in the mind set that I AM FINE, and can deal, and do not need help.

It is such a mix of great quality traits, turning on you to create a vicious cycle. One of your own making, fueled by everyone else expecting you to be this way because you have made them believe that this is you all the time, when in reality, you are drowning. I am drowning in my support for others emotions and I am not quite sure what to do about it. And let me tell you, emotional exhaustion hits different at the end of the day than physical exhaustion. It makes you incapable of doing what you need to do at the end of the day to feel successful or happy, which in turns makes you more unhappy.

And let me tell you, emotional exhaustion hits different at the end of the day than physical exhaustion.

Now this isn’t a feeling all the time. There are perfectly good days where I am positive, everyone else is positive, and things just go great. But some days can start to spiral and crumble because of a single moment. A whole day down the tubes, and most times it feels like there is no way to stop it. It feels like you are pushing everyone up above you until you’re at the bottom alone, with a body full of anxiety.

I am somehow able to verbalize this to myself and write it down here, and it seems simple to stop or change, but the immense pressure and rules we place on ourselves are a lot stronger than we realize. A simple task, ask for help. Complicated rebuttal, I CAN’T. I SO cannot be an inconvenience to anyone that I will choose to do everything I can on my own.

I’m not sure where I am going with this, I just felt the need to talk about it somewhere after multiple and increasing mental breakdowns that I try to not let show and will just deal with internally. If you understand me, let me know. If you have suggestions, let me know. I need to find a balance of being there for myself, just as much as I am there for others. Your encouragement is welcomed.

Thanks fiends for listening.

Love, Anxious Britt

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My Blog Relationship Status

I have been thinking about my blog a lot lately, and how I want to get back into it (I am always in a state of “wanting to get back into it”). But I also need to address and come to terms of where I am at relationship wise with my blog. I started this seven years ago now (as Tragic Girls), and have been the.B.Law for five and a half years I think. But over the years, my blogging activities were circumstantial to what was going on in my life.

When I started off as Tragic Girls, it was both fun and scary, I posted timidly. I remember the first time I published, I was so giddy I didn’t even sleep well, wondering what people would think as they read my own words. Which thinking back on that now was silly considering I had no followers. But low and behold, some people read, and I felt cool.

Fast forward a year and a half, I changed the blog name to the.B.Law, to focus on style and fashion. I lived with my ex at the time. I was really pumped and excited about now changing my focus to style, but was still posting timidly since my ex thought the whole thing was lame. Instead of letting that fuel my fire in an “I’ll show you” kind of way, I let it hinder me. I was really hesitant to create an Instagram account for my blog because of him, but I made one anyways after one of my friends made one for her new blog with no hesitation. She inspired me, so I went for it (shoutout Amanda).

Another year and a half later and I was moving in with my older sister and her family after my ex broke it off. At that point, my blog relationship completely changed. I IMMERSED myself in it. I was planning, writing, and posting three times a week, planning and posting style pics almost every day on Instagram, and going out every weekend to create content. I loved Sundays because that was the day I would sit down with my phone, laptop, and planner and create my content calendar for the next week. This time was really enjoyable for me, I needed it. But it wasn’t until almost a year later that I realized I was using my blog as a crutch to cope with feeling broken. Which I wouldn’t necessarily say was a bad thing, but could have been if I would have kept it up longer than was needed. It was both a healing mechanism and a distraction.

Next, a year later (maybe? getting confused on the time), I was still living with my sister (but in their new house), and getting closer to one of my younger sisters. I was single and her boyfriend worked every weekend, so we started going line dancing. We started attending line dance lessons at our favorite bar a few times a week. These activities left me little time to blog, but I felt okay with that since I was having so much fun. But when I would sit down to blog, I again felt timid. This new circle of friends were not into the whole blog scene, which was fine, but I let it affect my decisions to blog. I didn’t want to appear lame that I had a blog that wasn’t big and wanted to build a following on Instagram. I was older than all of them and really let it get to my head. So I just didn’t blog much. Now were these their actual feelings towards blogging? I don’t know because I never felt confident enough to just do it and that is on me.

Second to last chapter in this story… another year or so later, and I have a new boyfriend. If you have been following then you know who he is. Preston, aka – Mr. Montana, and I start dating and get this… he LIKES that I write and even finds it ATTRACTIVE. Um what?! But now, flash forward to today, he has been back in CA for a year, and I still have not been blogging, mostly because we were and are always doing things on the weekends.

This past weekend I read the new launch of Indy Blue’s blog (the young 23 year old internet queen who inspires me), and was of course inspired after reading her latest post. I want to come back to this space I created because I WANT TO. Not because I feel like I should, or come back timidly because of who I am with or who I am hanging out with. I want to write freely about what I want whether that be a style post, a sappy in my feelings post, or just about something I think is fun. I created this blog for me, and I so often forget that. Not to be rude, but this blog isn’t about what you, my readers want, it is about what I want, and if that happens to interest you then great, pull up a chair. If not, you don’t have to read.

For so long, I have not been posting for me, letting others unknowingly dictate my presence in something I created.

I want to get back to a good place with my blog. The.B.Law is my creation and has been here for me through many different stages in my life over the past seven years. Now that I am stable (LOL), it’s time for me to make this platform stable, but with no pressure. As much as I love a planner, which I just bought a new super cute one, I am going to try and aim for a posting goal, rather than a posting deadline. I always feel like Friday is a good day for posting a blog, but if I miss a Friday, it is okay. As for what I might post about, who knows! Could be anything, but you can rest assured that whatever I post, will mean something to me. For so long, I have not been posting for me, letting others unknowingly dictate my presence in something I created. There is no fault on them, just lessons to learn for me. But now it is time.

So if you have followed along this far, thank you, and I hope you will continue to do so. Don’t be shy of the comments box, if you have ever felt the same feel free to share. We are all navigating this era of the world. The internet instantly connects us all, but is hurting real connections. Knowing you’re not alone in your experiences sure can make a difference.

Until my next post, talk to you soon.

xoxo – Britt

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Dear Micaela

I am not quite sure why, but so often when I think of you, the image of you with crimped hair and your metallic silver Britney Spears and/or Christina Aguilera costume pops in my head. Just a fun fact 😉

I wanted to let you know how much I have been enjoying hanging out with you. I keep thinking about the one night we confessed to each other that we both thought neither one of us wanted to hang out with the other. I always thought I was too lame for you, and you thought you were too wild for me. Maybe we are actually just the perfect balance we both need.

I don’t think we really think about how much younger siblings can teach us. We as older sibs think it is all on us, but these last couple months, I am learning from you and I want you to know that. You have showed me that it is okay to get messy and let loose and I mean this in the best possible way. I have spent so much of my time striving for perfection. It gets to the point where I feel like I cannot do anything “out of line” without someone making it into some kind of deal. But these last couple months where we have just let loose, acted goofy, and have had fun, have been AMAZING! You are one of the few people I can be fully myself with with absolutely no judgements. I can tell you my craziest thoughts and you are there for it.

You are teaching me to stop apologizing because I am an overly apologetic person with no real reason to be. Multiple times you have told me, “don’t say sorry, you have done nothing wrong”. The pressure we can put on ourselves of right and wrong can be so overbearing, but you are reminding me to not be so judgmental of myself and my actions.

You are also teaching me to not care so much what others think, although I believe this is something we all struggle with. When we are together though, I think we are good at reminding each other that WHO CARES?

I want you to know how amazing you are. It is still weird to think I can go out and drink with you, but here we are, both adults. Know you have this confidence around you that I envy and I can feel when I am with you. It radiates around you and is infectious. I strive to be even an ounce as confident as you are when we are together. You walk proudly up, are not afraid to talk to people, or to take chances. I hope to be like you one day.

Also know you have grown into such a beautiful woman. I often look at our current photos together and am just amazed. Not amazed that you are beautiful, we all knew you would grow into a breathtaking woman, but to have that memory of your cute crimped hair to you now it’s just like damn, look at her.

Last thing to know, you are so loving. I can see all the love you have to give. From your selflessness you give to your friends, to the love for your family, your special bond with me and the sisters, and the love you have for your man. I can see the way you look at him, yearn for him, and take care of him. You’re so full of love, don’t ever lose that, and know you are deserving of the exact same love from everyone you give it to.

None of us are perfect. We strive to be, but we are only human. It is okay to make mistakes and to also give ourselves a break from the tiresome journey to be constantly put together. I love being “messy” with you. I say messy in quotes because we are not messy, but when we let loose, it is some of my favorite times. To be genuinely us. To quote Spongebob Squarepants in a bar, even if dad scolds me that I will never find a man doing that. To drinking in the parking lot at the bar and then walking a mile to the other bar just to save a few bucks. To dishing out bean and cheese burritos at 3 in the morning and then crying into them because of how hungry we were and the thankful thoughts that these burritos may actually save our lives. To being hyperaware of where we both were at all times at Stagecoach because we can’t stand the thought of something happening to one of us. You are still my baby sister and I have this mama bear urge to protect you always.

You are one of my best friends and I love you so much, and I am so sorry for ever making you feel like I didn’t want to be around you. I will always be here for you, remember that. Just as you don’t judge me, I am not here to judge you. I will always listen and try to give advice when I can, admit when I can’t, or even just be there to be silent with. I’ve got you always. Everything happens for a reason and in God’s time, and there has to be one for why He wanted us close now. All I know is I never want to let this go.

Love,

Brittany

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RV Having Fun Yet?!
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Feeling Behind

I know most have probably felt this way at some point in their lives or are feeling it right now, but I have really been battling the feeling of being behind. It all ties into that darn comparison trap. My older sister (year and a half older) is married, has a 5 (almost 6) year old, and is wanting to have another baby. My younger brother (year and a half younger) is married and they are expecting their first baby girl in February (SO EXCITED). My two little sisters are in serious relationships and will probably be engaged soon. Three of my five best friends are married and one of those three has a one year old son. Another best friend is engaged, and the fifth is in a serious relationship and will probably be engaged very soon. It is hard to think of how everyone you know is moving on with their lives and you feel like you are just stuck where you are.

The battle with this is I know I am not stuck, but I still get dragged down this hole of feeling like my life isn’t going like it is supposed to. I am not saying that all of this is because I do not have a boyfriend. I know a man does not determine my life. But it is more of my life isn’t going according to MY plan, yet everyone I know is. A breakup almost four years into a relationship was not part of my plan. Being single at 28 was not part of my plan. My plan was to be engaged right about now and planning a wedding. Instead I just work and talk about dates like nothing but inside I am terrified to go on one. Which leads me down another hole of thinking OMG I AM GOING TO BE ALONE FOREVER BECAUSE I WILL NEVER MEET SOMEONE. Then I think, well maybe I am meant to be the single one forever. Like how do you meet someone, or better yet, how do you meet someone when all of your friends are in relationships?

I have to remember that MY plan means nothing. This is all GOD’S plan. I am only here because of Him and my life will go according to His plan and His will, no one else’s. As much as I try to control everything or have very strong ideas about how things should go, they mean nothing to His plan. This has been a major time of practicing patience. It is ironic because last year two of my girlfriends and I were doing a bible study with the book Wait and See, and my whole season of waiting was for the next chapter of my life, to get engaged and get married (or so I thought). Little did I know that instead of getting proposed to by the man I thought I would marry, I would get dumped. I am still in that season of waiting however, the circumstances have changed. I know that in order for God’s plan to be fulfilled and to bring me together with the one I am supposed to be with, I had to be rid of the one I wasn’t meant to be with. It took awhile to be able to admit that, but I know God wouldn’t let us go through such pain without purpose. Thinking of it in a positive light, I am one step closer to finding my future husband BECAUSE things ended with who I thought I was meant to be with.

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Now the real waiting is happening. Before it was waiting and waiting for the wrong guy to propose which was never going to happen, but I thought I knew what was going to happen. Now the waiting is unknown. I know one day I will get married. My friend reminded me that God did not put us here to be alone. But WHO will I get married to one day? WHERE will I meet this man? WHEN will I meet this man? WILL I know when I meet this man? There are a lot of unanswered questions. In fact, all are unanswered questions. The only thing I know to be true is that I need to have patience and I need to trust in God.

Feeling behind is a constant struggle. I literally have to work on it every day or it can really get you down. It can make you not excited for people you love when they are getting what you want. I have had to consciously make an effort to be genuinely excited. Since time has passed that is easier. My excitement for my friends and my family who are getting married and having babies is real, but there is still the pain deep down of wondering when my time will be. I will keep practicing patience, it is all I can do. That, and trusting that He really does have an amazing plan and purpose for me. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future,” Jeremiah 29:11.03_1600x

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Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! I hope everyone had a great and safe time. I know this post seems late, right? Well my “blogging new year” didn’t start until yesterday. Why? Well my coworker was in jury duty SINCE BEFORE THANKSGIVING! Isn’t that ridiculous?! So for the last two months I was trying to do my work while trying to cover her work, AND THEN my other coworker is on a three week vacation AANNDD THEN (I wish my font could get bigger there for emphasis) my manager went on vacation for a week. So yeah, I have worked late every day except one when I had to leave for a dentist appointment. That was the only day I saw a glimpse of the sun after work, not even the sun but a sunset. Anyways her first day back was yesterday and I was all pumped to hit the ground running this past weekend and I get the flu. THE FREAKING FLU! I spent all weekend in bed and even had to call off yesterday because I still didn’t feel right and I didn’t want to get my coworkers sick. Three out of the four of us share a small office, so close air is shared. I am feeling mostly better besides my throat which aches when I swallow and eat and I am getting a horrendous cough. So a great start off to the new year, but we keep on keeping on.

I am excited to get this year going but I feel nervous like it is already going to go by so fast, 2017 was like a blur! I think a big part of last year going so quick was the fact that I was counting down to my sister’s wedding events in April, May, and June so half of my year literally flew. Then the second half was recovering and then the holidays. This year I hope to just take one step at a time. I so far have no major plans. My sisters, BFFF, and I planned a one night Plan Springs getaway and I feel myself getting excited for that I am like dude, just chill. Apart from how fast it went, 2017 was a growing year for the.B.Law. I got more comfortable in my niche, grew immensely in followers, and even started collaborating. It gets me excited for 2018 to see what it will bring.

My resolutions the last couple years had great intentions but really were not ideal. I don’t always take into account how busy I am, then I set these goals that on paper with no clock work great, but when it comes down to it, I just don’t have time for everything no matter how hard I try. Then I am just left feeling disappointed instead of accomplished. If you remember my last resolutions they were like a list. This year I want to keep is simple. I want to actually get healthy inside and out. I know everyone always says that every year, and I do not mean a strict diet because I have never really done one of those and when you live with a boy it is kind of impossible… at least with my man-child. What I mean is I want to actually pay attention to what I am putting in my body and on my body. I want to always try and make the healthier choice when I can. I even got my favorite Starbs the other morning, a white chocolate mocha no whip (because why do I need to put 70 calories on top of my already a million?), with almond milk instead of the normal 2%. I mean it was different and not my favorite, but it is something I can get used to. I even bought vanilla almond milk creamer from the store. That one is pretty good I must say.

Brando got a juicer from his dad for Christmas and we have made a couple juices. They were not terrible but I did feel like I was drinking a salad. We will learn. But I think making the better choice will help make this not feel like something we need to do, but want to do and I am hoping it just changes into a lifestyle. I obviously need to get back to the gym too, but I bought a 21 day yoga pass for a nearby studio that I am super excited to get into. I feel like yoga could be my thing.

For skin I want to start reading labels and look at the ingredients for make up and skin care. I want to find better brands (the first one I already love is Pacifica!). I recently found a new one at Target called Love Beauty & Planet. I bought their lavender body wash and I am obsessed! But I will go more into products I have found at a later time. If you have any recommendations please let me know!

For the blog I want to work on consistency and content. I am guilty of just throwing a quick few words together about what I wore and posting it. I want to give you all more quality posts and I apologize for the more recent ones that have been lacking, you deserve better.

As I said I hope you all had a great new year and are ready to get going (or if you have been going this last week good for you! LOL!) So cheers to the new year! I think 2018 will be great!

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Hi, I Miss You.

Well hello there! How’s it going? I truly apologize for my absence, I’ve let the blog get away from me these last few weeks. Life has gotten so busy, I have literally had something every weekend and there is so much in those weekends that I want to share! Being part of a wedding is no joke, there is so much that goes into it. I am finally past the bridal shower and the bachelorette party (both were successes) and now all we have is the wedding trip, but still in-between these two weeks before we leave I have another wedding and a baby shower! Awwww I just want to be lazy all day and blog. Life was so crazy that I even forgot about my own blogaversary, we are 3 now!

I just wanted to let you know that I am still here. I have been doing most of my work lately on my Instagram so if you don’t follow me you should so we can stay in touch! Follow @the.B.Law. I also wanted to tell you about what I want to tell you about to hold myself accountable (did that sentence even make sense?). I will tell you in the normal Brittany fashion, in list form!… My bffffff and I have list issues, like SERIOUS issues. We makes lists for everything, then read them to each other. We even put on our to do list to make ANOTHER to do list… #freaks

Anyways, things that I want to fill you in on:

  • Bridal Shower
  • Bachelorette Party
  • 3rd Blogaversary
  • Bible Study
  • Vacation Packing (dreading by the way)
  • Catch up on style!

I think that is it… okay bye! Miss you!

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27 Years

Well Brittany, welcome to 27. How strange is it that I am in my late 20’s? It doesn’t feel right to me for some reason. This past Saturday my boyfriend, one sister, friends, and I went to Lazy Dog for my birthday and on the way there all of these thoughts were going through my head like what am I doing with my life? I feel like I am at a time in my life where it is hard to not compare myself to my friends. We are all mostly the same age yet half are married, some have already bought a house, and even having babies now. As for me, I share a one bedroom apartment with my boyfriend and we are no where near getting engaged, but rather trying to stay afloat so we can make a life for ourselves… eventually. I feel like that is my go to word, “well it will happen, eventually”. It is easy to fall into the down feeling of things not going the way you thought they were. I think that is the problem, we, or at least I, had and still have all of these expectations of how my life would go and it is just not happening.

What made me feel better about this was finally opening up to a couple of my girls and realizing that they felt the same but in their own ways. Talking about it helped and the fact that we now constantly remind each other that it just isn’t our time. My bfffff posted a good blog the other night called Timeline, and she used this quote (I am not sure where she got it from):

Remember that the timeline of your love life will always be the right timeline for you. Who cares if your one friend got married at 24 or your other friend got engaged at 29 or your sister had her first baby at 31. Remember that whichever way your life works out is the exact way it is supposed to work out.

I keep reminding myself that I am unique and I do not want to be like everyone else. The time for my life to fall together in the way I want it to is coming. I have to trust in God’s timing, be patient, and be happy for what I have because truly I am very fortunate. I have a loving family, the most perfect sisters in the world, a boyfriend that I love and I know I want to spend my life with, and the most amazing best friends. I truly do have it all when I think about it. So here is to turning 27. I want this to be the year I MAKE things happen, not just WAIT for them to happen.

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the.B.Law

Life Update!

Hey there! Long time no talk, it has literally been a little over a month since I have blogged. Slack attack I know! Life got crazy so I decided to just blog after it all settled down, I already had too much stress! So this is just a quick update on life. My last post Last HB Hoorah talked about my move from Huntington Beach. For the last month and a half I was living with my older sister, brother-in-law, and 3 1/2 year old niece. My niece and I were bedmates since she has a queen size bed (not purposefully, there was just an extra bed with our whole family). I slept with her and all of my clothes were in three boxes and hanging in the spare closet. I tried to keep my stuff as condensed as possible so I literally lived out of boxes for a month and a half.  The bed situation sounds pretty nice, a queen size bed with a 3 1/2 year old, I should have all of the room that I want. WRONG! That girl owns that bed! I had no idea how much children move in the middle of the night, she put her feet on my face, turned completely horizontal, had her head against the back of my knees (that was a weird one), and must have been dreaming she was a whale because she emerged up and out of the covers and onto my face, all of this while sound asleep. I didn’t sleep straight through the night most nights, BUT I was so thankful that I was able to stay there with them, despite my sleep deprivation, I already miss them.

Finally the time had come last week to go to Georgia to see my boyfriend’s Army graduation at Ft. Banning. I was so excited to see him since it had been 3 1/2 months since I saw him last. The graduation was fun, it was cool being in another state even if it was just for a couple days. The thing that amazed us the most was all of the trees! My boyfriend, his mom, sister, nephew, and I, all flew home last Friday and I finally had him back. Then last Sunday we signed the lease on our new apartment and moved in immediately after AND he went back to work this past Tuesday (we don’t mess around here!). So finally almost all of our boxes are unpacked. Unpacking is almost as bad as packing, especially when you move into an apartment that has HALF of the storage space you used to have. I might have to get rid of some more clothes! ;( But thats not official yet haha.

Now that we are settled I am getting back into writing so please expect some more blogs! Thanks for sticking around!

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the.B.Law

Life Update

Okay, so I am ready to get back in the game here so before I start I will give my brief update on life. My boyfriend joined the army and left for basic training sooner than we thought he would so we had to figure out everything before he left. Our lease is up while he is gone so I have to pack everything up myself. We also had to make a list of apartments we like as options so when he comes back we can HOPEFULLY find a place right away. So that had all been a little stressful. But now we are all in order and he is gone. I am excited for him but I am also sad. I am not going to see him for over three months, and supposedly won’t be ale to talk to him AT ALL either, but it will be okay. I guess I will have a lot of time to write right?! So that is what is happening now! I’ll talk to you all this week! I promise! I have some cute outfits I have been waiting to share! ❤

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