I had a thought the other day. It wasn’t a new thought, I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t passed through my head before. But this time I had a new argument behind it, so I had to consult Tab.
Now I know this isn’t true (hopefully), but my thought before was what if I am never meant to get married. This time around however, I was thinking how we have 5 kids in our family. What are the chances that all 5 of our parents’ kids get married off and have babies?! If there was a statistic for this I would think 4 out of 5 is a pretty good outcome. “Not too shabby, we almost did it,” or “Can’t win them all,” are possible phrases that may pass around. I know the score so far is only 2 out of 5, but the other 2 are behind them, and then there is me, bringing up the rear as a single almost 30 year old. While everyone is sporting wedding rings, I will be sporting a participation award, “THANKS FOR PLAYING!”
Now Tab thought I was crazy, but she said she had similar thoughts when she was single, minus my not backed up statistical facts (maybe I should make a graph or pie chart of some sort for back up to be more convincing next time… noted). Maybe it is something everyone goes through when you have been single over a year and have absolutely no idea how to date or meet a decent human being. She told me though that once she accepted the fact that IF she never got married she WOULD BE okay, it was very liberating to her. THE F*CK?! Was that supposed to make me feel better? I just paused then let out a riiiight.
I told her my new life plan will to just be the family nanny, to which she thought I said fanny. But hey, Family + Nanny = FANNY! The kids can call me Fanny, and I will just watch all the kiddos of my siblings while they work. Instead of a crazy cat lady, I will be a crazy niece and nephew lady. If you talk to me in the grocery story I will bust out my wallet and let the accordion of school photos repel down and continue to tell you all of their names, ages, and grades (like you care) and be sure to not mention at least three times that I never got married and had my own kids which is why I watch all of my nieces and nephews. Despite the fact that I will only be 36, I will be wearing a crocheted shall that I made myself while watching the sweet angels destroy my home. I think it is a solid life plan.
Now again, I don’t REALLY think I will end up alone, but I was legit getting worried considering the fact that I honestly do not know how to meet someone. I feel like it is all fun to talk about going out and trying to talk to people, but when you actually get to that moment, I don’t know, it is scary. There is so much pressure. WHY CAN’T SOME GREAT GUY JUST COME UP TO ME? I think I will do a whole other post on that later. Until then, I will just be perfecting my plans of being the Fanny. Going forward all future birthday and Christmas gifts can be various balls of yarn and scrapbook supplies. Kay thanks! -Fanny
I am not quite sure why, but so often when I think of you, the image of you with crimped hair and your metallic silver Britney Spears and/or Christina Aguilera costume pops in my head. Just a fun fact 😉
I wanted to let you know how much I have been enjoying hanging out with you. I keep thinking about the one night we confessed to each other that we both thought neither one of us wanted to hang out with the other. I always thought I was too lame for you, and you thought you were too wild for me. Maybe we are actually just the perfect balance we both need.
I don’t think we really think about how much younger siblings can teach us. We as older sibs think it is all on us, but these last couple months, I am learning from you and I want you to know that. You have showed me that it is okay to get messy and let loose and I mean this in the best possible way. I have spent so much of my time striving for perfection. It gets to the point where I feel like I cannot do anything “out of line” without someone making it into some kind of deal. But these last couple months where we have just let loose, acted goofy, and have had fun, have been AMAZING! You are one of the few people I can be fully myself with with absolutely no judgements. I can tell you my craziest thoughts and you are there for it.
You are teaching me to stop apologizing because I am an overly apologetic person with no real reason to be. Multiple times you have told me, “don’t say sorry, you have done nothing wrong”. The pressure we can put on ourselves of right and wrong can be so overbearing, but you are reminding me to not be so judgmental of myself and my actions.
You are also teaching me to not care so much what others think, although I believe this is something we all struggle with. When we are together though, I think we are good at reminding each other that WHO CARES?
I want you to know how amazing you are. It is still weird to think I can go out and drink with you, but here we are, both adults. Know you have this confidence around you that I envy and I can feel when I am with you. It radiates around you and is infectious. I strive to be even an ounce as confident as you are when we are together. You walk proudly up, are not afraid to talk to people, or to take chances. I hope to be like you one day.
Also know you have grown into such a beautiful woman. I often look at our current photos together and am just amazed. Not amazed that you are beautiful, we all knew you would grow into a breathtaking woman, but to have that memory of your cute crimped hair to you now it’s just like damn, look at her.
Last thing to know, you are so loving. I can see all the love you have to give. From your selflessness you give to your friends, to the love for your family, your special bond with me and the sisters, and the love you have for your man. I can see the way you look at him, yearn for him, and take care of him. You’re so full of love, don’t ever lose that, and know you are deserving of the exact same love from everyone you give it to.
None of us are perfect. We strive to be, but we are only human. It is okay to make mistakes and to also give ourselves a break from the tiresome journey to be constantly put together. I love being “messy” with you. I say messy in quotes because we are not messy, but when we let loose, it is some of my favorite times. To be genuinely us. To quote Spongebob Squarepants in a bar, even if dad scolds me that I will never find a man doing that. To drinking in the parking lot at the bar and then walking a mile to the other bar just to save a few bucks. To dishing out bean and cheese burritos at 3 in the morning and then crying into them because of how hungry we were and the thankful thoughts that these burritos may actually save our lives. To being hyperaware of where we both were at all times at Stagecoach because we can’t stand the thought of something happening to one of us. You are still my baby sister and I have this mama bear urge to protect you always.
You are one of my best friends and I love you so much, and I am so sorry for ever making you feel like I didn’t want to be around you. I will always be here for you, remember that. Just as you don’t judge me, I am not here to judge you. I will always listen and try to give advice when I can, admit when I can’t, or even just be there to be silent with. I’ve got you always. Everything happens for a reason and in God’s time, and there has to be one for why He wanted us close now. All I know is I never want to let this go.
I got the opportunity to try Formulate, a company that makes shampoos and conditioners unique for your personal hair needs and goals, and to be honest I was a little hesitant at first. My sister does my hair, so for the past I don’t even know how many years, I have been using the products from her salon to help keep my color, hydration, all of that. Trying something new was scary to me, but I decided to give it a shot (check out my Formulate highlight on my Instagram here!)
You start this journey off with a quiz. All simple questions pertaining to your hair and your goals. These answers will determine your specific formula. My hair goals I expressed were color protection (obviously), mend split ends because I style my hair a lot, lengthen, and strengthen. The quiz didn’t take long at all, I was even surprised I got to pick my preferred fragrance and even the strength of it! I loved that because I am picky with scents so obviously I went with the more floral smell, called Verdant which smells like grass, lilies, and eucalyptus, and OBVIOUSLY I wanted it strong.
That was it! I filled out my quiz and information and the next step was to wait for my personal shampoo and conditoner to be shipped. They didn’t take very long and I was surprised at the size of the bottles for the fact that they were full size AND came with pumps! I loved that. The first thing I did was open them and smell them, OH MY GOSH they smelled amazing!
After the first time I gave them a try my hair felt different, which I was warned of. I was advised due to the fact that they were sulfate free (also paraben free, cruelty-free, and made in the USA, just an FYI) my hair might seem greasy super fast. My hair did feel softer for sure, but a tad oily. After the first day I was already dry shampooing for work. The other thing I noticed was my scalp looked a little dry.
I assumed I would need some getting used to so a couple days later I used it again. Before my hair was even dry I could see the dryness of my scalp. It was getting so bad and flakey I immediately emailed my contact at Formulate. I remembered them saying that sometimes formulas need to be adjusted a few times to fine tune them and get them right. They were so nice, I told them my issues of the dryness and they immediately put in for a new formal.
About a week or so after I received my new batch and tried it again. My formal now had the goal “Deep Conditioning” added. Even after the first use of the new formula things seemed better. I was worried if they added ingredients to moisturize my scalp that is was going to make the rest of my hair oily. I was still a little oily after the first new wash, but with each coming wash my hair felt better and better. Not to mention you can smell the amazing scent even the day after washing it!
I am loving how my hair is feeling and looking after using Formulate. It is shinier, less frizzy, I can actually brush it wet without it being super tangly, and let me tell you, I can usually NEVER do that! It also did not strip my color at all, which I (and my sister) were very happy about. I can safely say all my reserves about trying this new shampoo and conditioner are gone. I felt very taken care of when Formulate immediately helped me to get the right formula when the one I had wasn’t working. They didn’t make any excuses like try it again and see what happens, I could tell they wanted to get it right. They were also SO NICE! I loved working with them. I took before and after photos of my hair. I know the difference may not look huge in the photo but you can still see it. The difference is totally in person and to the touch, it is just sooo soft all the time! The below or during a two month period which includes both my formulas:
Now for something fun! I get the chance to give away one free custom set from Formulate! Click on the link below to enter, I promise you won’t be sorry. How cool is it to know that a haircare system is being formulated just for your hair?! We are all unique so sometimes we need unique products just for us! Enter below 🙂
Well hello there! It has been so long. I know I am late, I was supposed to do my first post on my birthday last week buuuuuut we still don’t have internet in the new house. So here is just a quick little life update!
If you don’t remember, when I last logged off we were packing and getting ready to move. We are all in the new house BUT unpacking is almost as bad as packing so there is stuff EVERYWHERE! It doesn’t help when you are super busy either. Slowly but surely we will get everything away.
So here we go:
My reason for taking a month-ish off from the blog was to finish some studying I am working on. I wanted to finish my first section by the end of January and let me tell you, I almost didn’t make it. I was just about to give myself a one day grace period (that I was really upset about) but I somehow pushed through and got A TON done on the 31st so I was really happy with myself. I even got a 98% on my first section. Now I am a little behind on my second but it is okay. I am taking a 5 day weekend this weekend to visit Tabitha in Vegas so I will do some catch-up out here.
I turned 29 last week and I do not know how I feel about it haha. It feels kind of old but not so different. I am excited to see where it takes me. Last year around the sun as a twenty-something.
I have hit my year mark of being single. It isn’t a bad thing, I made it through. I was actually surprised at how fast it went. I feel like I only really felt left out last month when we had a surprise party for Heather. It wasn’t anything bad and it was a super quick moment (I almost feel silly for writing about it), but when we got to dinner I obviously wanted to sit by Heather, as did everyone else, but everyone was coupled off so if I sat with her, someone’s significant other wouldn’t be at the table. So I ended up at the very end of the whole party with my two sisters, WHICH WAS FINE, but still there was a moment of me being like dang.
I have been working on having fun and trying new styles. Although I haven’t been blogging I have been active on Instagram so make sure you are following along! I just want it to be more fun. Not more of this stand and pose. I am generally a silly person and I want my feed to portray that.
I am revamping the Style Panel and I am excited to get started! I got my girls recommitted and am trying to do things a little different. Stay tuned, the first post should be coming next month!
I think that is all the updates I have, I know not too exciting right now, but some fun things are coming up I hope! Next month Heather and I are volunteering at the El Paseo Fashion week and I am so excited. We are still planning on some fun local adventures too. Just trying to go with the flow here and have some fun.
I miss you all! Back to studying I go -_-
PS – this was the cute af coffee shop we went to last night called Gäbi Coffee
This year, I think I will just use “goals” in place of “resolutions”. After all they are goals, plus my resolutions the last couple years have not been completed so maybe they need some new juju.
So here we are, my goals for 2019:
Finish my course (which I will tell you about after I finish it)! This is my number one. It is so important I am even giving myself a time frame! End of March I need to have all three books read. HOLD ME TO IT!
Buy new car in maybe the summer?? Since my commute has tripled I have over 120k miles on my barely five year old car. There is nothing wrong with it, but I want to trade it in before it is literally worth nothing. Plus I would rather have a new car with a warranty than worry about a car with a million miles start to break down. Personal preference here. Plus I have had a car payment for forever so why not keep it going right? lol (also now I get to work local two days a week and I carpool at least once so I would be putting less miles on a new car)
Move out in the fall/winter. This is a huge goal which will totally depend on current circumstances at the time. If all goes as planned I will move out. I trust God will guide me to what I am meant to do and where I am meant to be. If it is not time for me yet, then that is okay. (You guys I literally daydream about decorating my own apartment all the time. It is going to be the cutest!)
Okay these next few aren’t giant goals like above but still important to me. I want to create more and better content for my blog and Instagram. I don’t want it to just be for cute outfits (don’t worry, there will ALWAYS be cute outfits), but I want this to be my space to be creative and be me. I think I have already started to tap into that this year with more personal posts, but I want to continue and grow with that. Also Tab and I have a ton of fun ideas for content.
This is basically the second part of goal 4. Not necessarily trying to put a number and pressure on it, but I want to get to 5k Instagram followers by the end of the year. For some of you that is chump change, but that will be almost double my current following and I think that is a good number to grow to (obviously the more the merrier).
Kind of another branch off of 4. I really want to go to places, like travel to places, but I am not in the position to do that right now which is okay. I decided I want to try and do as many “local” travels as I can. Places I can drive to if anything. I have already started a list with Tab. Some places include: Venice Beach (BECAUSE I HAVE NEVER BEEN), Joshua Tree (which us girls BETTA BE GOIN TO in March), the sand dunes in Death Valley, the Neon Museum in Vegas, and more! I know some of these might seem silly to some, but I am super excited about it! I would love to plan at least one “travel” a month but we will see how it goes. Please let me know any suggestions!
Aside from the blog, I have had a book idea for a few years now. I have planned some and have even started a chapter. It has now developed into a series and I am so excited!! My goal this year is to fully plan out the three books (using notecards as suggested by Tab who’s friend does it).
Second part of goal 7, I want to write ten chapters of the series. These can be chapters from any book, I just need to finish ten. The reason I can write from any book is because each chapter is a different story and as long as I plan it all first I will have the chronological order.
This year has come to a close so quickly. I thought this year would go by slower because we weren’t counting down to anything. Last year my sister was getting married so I had her bridal shower in April, her bachelorette party in May, and in June we all went to Mexico for a week for the wedding. Best vacation I have ever been on, I still miss it and think about it constantly. But all of those exciting things made half of the year go by so fast. Then when fall hits, the holidays follow closely behind and boom it is a new year. I thought since we had no big events to countdown to this year, it would go by slower. I was so wrong. I think this year may have been even faster than last.
It is no secret that my 2018 started off terribly. For those who don’t know, to put it shortly, I got dumped in the end of January (the 28th to be precise because I am a psycho girl and remember everything) and I lived with the guy. By March I moved in with my sister and I have been here since. It was a rough transition. It was a rough time of my life in general. Losing someone because they CHOSE to not choose you anymore is a whole different kind of hurt. Hours I spent in my car (not by choice, but the move tripled my commute) thinking of all the ways I went wrong or what I should have done differently, or how he just didn’t want ME or how maybe I wasn’t good enough (if you want the raw feelings of those days read this post from May). To see me now from where I was then, I have grown a lot. Some days are still bad but in different ways, I am still growing and learning. I have since learned and realized that what we had was not what I wanted, but what I hoped would change into what I wanted. I have learned that I should not have to make excuses for the emotion that was lacking, or the needs that were not being met. I have realized how much I actually need simple signs of affection and am deserving of that. I am coming to find out that it is okay to be picky and to be myself because I want someone who wants all parts of me (including the weirdo and including the psycho).
Something I have probably suffered from most this year was comparing myself to my friends and family and feeling left out because I am the only single one now. What is funny though is that this is all me because no one has left me out for being single (maybe that is one of this biggest things I have learned this year, that I am literally my own worst enemy and the biggest critic in the whole dang world). My friends still all include me of course, and nothing is really different except that I don’t have a date to things. But it is not like all my friends are the types of PDA couples who are all lovey dovey all of the time. I am so thankful that Heather’s boyfriend has just grown accustomed to me being their third wheel LOL! They even call their spare bedroom my room (you guys are da best and I love being your roomie/extra date 😉 ). I just need to work on feeling confident with where I am in life right now.
It was hard to go from where I was, to being single and renting a room from my sister because I can’t afford to live in the same city, let alone county, as my job (I am also letting my age play a huge factor in my expectations which is just silly but yeah). I would have to constantly remind myself that this was not permanent, it was just my current situation that I was working through. Not that I was embarrassed by it, but I felt like I had taken so many steps back. So far back that I was living back in the town I had left. But no one has judged me for it. Most people understand because California is so freaking expensive to live in alone. But since moving, I have come to terms with my current situation and I am okay. I know there is nothing wrong with it, and I get to live with my sister, who is one of my best friends, and get to be here while my niece is young and get to watch her grow and be a role model for her. Things could be worse, but they aren’t. I am with family and I am safe.
Now for some good things (sorry, I didn’t expect this to be a novel but I guess it is going to be). I hadn’t been single for a long time span IN A LONG TIME. After getting over the whole bad part about it, I started getting excited about the good. I had and still have no one to answer to. If I want to go do something I can do it, and I do! I wanted to focus more on my stuff, like this blog, and I have, AND IT SHOWS. All of my friends have told me what a difference they have seen in my work and content, and just being creative in general. I do this because I love it and I want to make something out of it. Having some real focus and time has made a world of difference (plus he-who-must-not-be-named didn’t really support my blog and thought it was dumb *GASP!*). [sidebar: it still amazes me how we can finally be at a point where we recognize all of the bad things and the red flags we ignored yet still miss them sometimes. Is it them we miss or just the time and the “comfort”?]
I don’t know how many times I just left for the weekend and went to Palm Springs to be with Heather. Or the three or more times I went to Vegas to visit my sister Tab, or the random times I call up Cher and ask her to hang out because it literally takes two minutes to drive to her house. I have freedom to be me right now and I am really starting to enjoy it. I cannot wait to really take advantage of it next year. 2018 was all about healing and learning. I think 2019 will be about learning and experiencing. I am ready to have fun, have adventures, learn and grow. What I am most excited about is all of this exciting stuff and tying it to my blog. It is all Tab and I have been able to talk about, all of the new things we want to do in 2019 writing and content creating wise. Which is why you may think it is funny that I am so excited for my blog in 2019 and I am taking the entire month of January off *insert puzzled face*.
I will still be around on Instagram, and using my captions as a form of writing and keeping you up to date, but I need a month to focus on something completely different. There is some studying for a course I need to get done that I have had for some months now, but I always choose to blog instead of study because obviously that is way more fun. I have three books I need to get through and I am not even half way through the first. My goal is to finish the first book by the end of January (or earlier if possible), then I will hopefully be in such a studying groove that I can bring back blogging in February and still finish the second book by the end of Feb, then finish the third by March (I will tell you what I am doing once I am done haha). I am thinking I will come back to the blog on my birthday, Feb. 7th, since that is kind of like my new year, right? Plus once I have this studying complete I will have even more time to focus on the blog.
Okay I will end here since this is getting lengthy, I hope you have made it this far! I am excited for tonight. I have NEVER been this excited for a new year but I am ready to take it on. I will post my resolutions/goals for the new year tomorrow and then I am out for the month! If I end up doing really well with studying maybe I will reward myself with a post, but let’s be honest, this stuff is boring so I don’t see rewards in my future. But here is to wishful thinking and no sleep!
Happy New Year’s Eve everyone! Be safe and talk to you next year!
You guys, New Year’s Eve is right around the corner and I haven’t even decided what I am wearing yet! I had a look all set and I ordered it from Nordstrom and AFTER 16 DAYS of it not shipping I finally got the notice that it was cancelled. That was 16 days wasted where I could have been looking for another look! Of course I want to be sparkly, it is NYE duh! I ordered a back up dress like two days before my first option got cancelled just to be safe. I got it last night and finally tried it on… I swear if I lifted a finger my butt cheeks would show, so that is getting returned. I have a third option which may end up being my outfit if I can’t find anything else. I do really like it, I found it on another blogger (@stylethegirl), but I was really wanting to wear my white booties and I can’t with this outfit…. I also ordered ANOTHER dress option BUT it was the last one so I don’t even know if it will ship. Ugh why is this so hard this year?!
Anyway, during mine and Amanda’s Christmas look try on haul (catch up here) we did a couple NYE looks too. Everything is linked below and I have linked some other fun sequin pieces! It’s NYE, sparkles feel like a must!