lifestyle, the.B.Law

5 Recent Things – 6/19/22

I have been trying to make super small changes lately, and I am pleased. Here are 5 things I have done over the last couple weeks and small as they may be, have made a difference:

  1. Picked out my outfit every night for the next day
  2. Packed my protein shakes and greens and all the healthy things I am trying to drink the night before
  3. Worked out (almost) every day, no matter how small the workout (I think I have missed one day)
  4. Read – actually finished my book
  5. Talked writing with my sister and it is motivating me

I want to keep going with these changes and adding more. Not huge, huge can feel daunting and then I feel I tend to put them off. Little changes will add up to big ones. Something I want to add this week is write. Even if it is a little something. A small blog like this, a poem, a few sentences. Just something to get me started.

Here is to small changes and growing big goals. xoxo

Happy Father’s Day to tall the dads out there!

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beauty, life, lifestyle, the.B.Law

Clean Teeth, Warm Heart

Hello there!

Want to know a fun fact? I recently celebrated my one year anniversary of getting my braces off 😆. Yes it has been a year and yes I am still a psycho about my teeth (or at least I try to be). I brush, I floss, I whiten… and now I have a new product I love. Did you know, that there are probiotics for your teeth?! I was not aware of this, until my friends at Smile Brilliant reached out to me.

I have had the privilege of working with Smile Brilliant multiple times, and now we are doing our fourth project together! They are a brand and a company I have grown to trust and love, as I literally use their products every day. Their newest addition though, is Dental Probiotics. You chew one a day (at night after brushing your teeth) and you are all set! So quick and easy to add into your routine, and they taste good too (like, for real).

I know we hear about “regular” probiotics all the time, so what are dental probiotics good for? Um a bunch of things. Allow me to enlighten you. They allow healthy bacteria in your mouth AND in your sinuses! Yeah remember? These things are connected. They also help fight plaque build-up and decay, as well as supports good breath. Aside from these great results, the dental probiotics also help build your immunity. YES! These little chewables can help your cold/flu immune support. That is one thing I thought was really great about them. The more to help me not get sick, the better. Also, anything that helps my sinuses, count me in on that too.

One more cool thing, they also have Oral Probiotics for kids! Which is great considering I feel like I only get sick after I have been around my nieces and nephews…

I recommend giving them a try. The bottle is a 30 day supply, so perfect to try out for a month.

But also while I am at it, let me remind you of their other great products I love. LIKE THEIR TEETH WHITENING. This is definitely something I am trying to keep up on since I have my wedding coming up. I love the custom trays, and the results are great and lasting. Which is especially good since I love my coffee. Read up on my latest review of their custom whitening trays here, they are bomb!

But the product I use every day is Smile Brilliant’s CariPro Electric Tooth brush. I even got my fiancé and one of our roommates to start using one too. I just love how it has multiple settings, like SENSITIVE, for my always sensitive teeth. My review of the best tooth brush here.

If you do check Smile Brilliant out, which you should, be sure to use my code THEBLAW20 for 20% off!

Love yous! – B

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life, lifestyle

Pull Me Out of This Funk

Has anyone else felt a lack of motivation or inspiration lately? I have been feeling it bad. Always busy and always tired, so when I finally have a moment of nothing, I want to do nothing. It has been quite frustrating. There are so many things I need/want to do. LIKE WORK OUT FOR ONE. Write blogs, read, put cute outfits together for darn sake to make me feel better about life, or you know… WEDDING PLAN! I have had motivation for nothing. I am ready for change. I need to pull myself out of this funk. It is like my brain is ready to do things but my body won’t follow. BUT NOW IT IS TIME. SO until I can fully pull myself out of this slump, here are some super small things that make me happy and are helping to pull me through:

  • Homemade honey lavender lattes in my cute mugs (no offense to the not cute mugs)
  • Sitting on my back porch
  • Listening to the geese in the lake (as annoying as they are while I am trying to sleep)
  • Re-watching every episode of Selling Sunset
  • My fiancé cooking me dinner
  • Watching The Ranch with my fiancé while we eat dinner
  • The sun going down late
  • Watching the little kids play on the beach
  • Trips to Hobby Lobby
  • The fact that I realized I have kept a plant alive since we moved in

All tips for motivation or inspiration welcome.

Thanks – B

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lifestyle, the.B.Law

My Blog Relationship Status

I have been thinking about my blog a lot lately, and how I want to get back into it (I am always in a state of “wanting to get back into it”). But I also need to address and come to terms of where I am at relationship wise with my blog. I started this seven years ago now (as Tragic Girls), and have been the.B.Law for five and a half years I think. But over the years, my blogging activities were circumstantial to what was going on in my life.

When I started off as Tragic Girls, it was both fun and scary, I posted timidly. I remember the first time I published, I was so giddy I didn’t even sleep well, wondering what people would think as they read my own words. Which thinking back on that now was silly considering I had no followers. But low and behold, some people read, and I felt cool.

Fast forward a year and a half, I changed the blog name to the.B.Law, to focus on style and fashion. I lived with my ex at the time. I was really pumped and excited about now changing my focus to style, but was still posting timidly since my ex thought the whole thing was lame. Instead of letting that fuel my fire in an “I’ll show you” kind of way, I let it hinder me. I was really hesitant to create an Instagram account for my blog because of him, but I made one anyways after one of my friends made one for her new blog with no hesitation. She inspired me, so I went for it (shoutout Amanda).

Another year and a half later and I was moving in with my older sister and her family after my ex broke it off. At that point, my blog relationship completely changed. I IMMERSED myself in it. I was planning, writing, and posting three times a week, planning and posting style pics almost every day on Instagram, and going out every weekend to create content. I loved Sundays because that was the day I would sit down with my phone, laptop, and planner and create my content calendar for the next week. This time was really enjoyable for me, I needed it. But it wasn’t until almost a year later that I realized I was using my blog as a crutch to cope with feeling broken. Which I wouldn’t necessarily say was a bad thing, but could have been if I would have kept it up longer than was needed. It was both a healing mechanism and a distraction.

Next, a year later (maybe? getting confused on the time), I was still living with my sister (but in their new house), and getting closer to one of my younger sisters. I was single and her boyfriend worked every weekend, so we started going line dancing. We started attending line dance lessons at our favorite bar a few times a week. These activities left me little time to blog, but I felt okay with that since I was having so much fun. But when I would sit down to blog, I again felt timid. This new circle of friends were not into the whole blog scene, which was fine, but I let it affect my decisions to blog. I didn’t want to appear lame that I had a blog that wasn’t big and wanted to build a following on Instagram. I was older than all of them and really let it get to my head. So I just didn’t blog much. Now were these their actual feelings towards blogging? I don’t know because I never felt confident enough to just do it and that is on me.

Second to last chapter in this story… another year or so later, and I have a new boyfriend. If you have been following then you know who he is. Preston, aka – Mr. Montana, and I start dating and get this… he LIKES that I write and even finds it ATTRACTIVE. Um what?! But now, flash forward to today, he has been back in CA for a year, and I still have not been blogging, mostly because we were and are always doing things on the weekends.

This past weekend I read the new launch of Indy Blue’s blog (the young 23 year old internet queen who inspires me), and was of course inspired after reading her latest post. I want to come back to this space I created because I WANT TO. Not because I feel like I should, or come back timidly because of who I am with or who I am hanging out with. I want to write freely about what I want whether that be a style post, a sappy in my feelings post, or just about something I think is fun. I created this blog for me, and I so often forget that. Not to be rude, but this blog isn’t about what you, my readers want, it is about what I want, and if that happens to interest you then great, pull up a chair. If not, you don’t have to read.

For so long, I have not been posting for me, letting others unknowingly dictate my presence in something I created.

I want to get back to a good place with my blog. The.B.Law is my creation and has been here for me through many different stages in my life over the past seven years. Now that I am stable (LOL), it’s time for me to make this platform stable, but with no pressure. As much as I love a planner, which I just bought a new super cute one, I am going to try and aim for a posting goal, rather than a posting deadline. I always feel like Friday is a good day for posting a blog, but if I miss a Friday, it is okay. As for what I might post about, who knows! Could be anything, but you can rest assured that whatever I post, will mean something to me. For so long, I have not been posting for me, letting others unknowingly dictate my presence in something I created. There is no fault on them, just lessons to learn for me. But now it is time.

So if you have followed along this far, thank you, and I hope you will continue to do so. Don’t be shy of the comments box, if you have ever felt the same feel free to share. We are all navigating this era of the world. The internet instantly connects us all, but is hurting real connections. Knowing you’re not alone in your experiences sure can make a difference.

Until my next post, talk to you soon.

xoxo – Britt

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dating, lifestyle, the.B.Law

Then & Now

I love sitting back and thinking about how current situations came to be. For instance, when you realize that if you wouldn’t have been at that party that particular night, you wouldn’t have met so&so who helped you get your current job, or something like that. You know, those types of situations. Everything always has a way of working out. God always has a plan, even if we don’t know what it is, or think he has forgotten about us.

I can’t help but think about my current situation. Tomorrow, January 23, 2021, marks exactly a year since Preston reached out to me for the first time. Granted I didn’t see his message for ten days, but that is beside the point. One year ago, this Montana man came home to visit his family in California, mind you in over FOUR YEARS he only came down twice, and he and his family happened to go camping when he was down. His sister also happens to be one of my sister’s best friends, and she watches my nephew every week. My sister and her family JUST SO HAPPENED to be invited to this camping trip, where they met this Montana brother. In my sister’s less than sober state, she told Mr. Montana all about me and showed him my Instagram. Come January 23, 2020, Preston was brave and took a shot at asking me out before he went back to Montana. Like I said, ten days passed and I didn’t see his message until he was back in Montana. But it didn’t end there.

As I was giving up, you were stepping up.

As I am sure I have mentioned previously, we slowly started responding to each other’s Instagram stories, which turned into longer conversations, which turned into messaging every day, to texting every day, to Instagram “FaceTiming” because Montana has no service for real FaceTime, to me BUYING A PLANE TICKET TO MONTANA and “meeting” Preston for the first time in the Bozeman, MT airport. Seven months from that day in the airport and we are here. Here as in California. We currently live 14 minutes from each other. In these last seven months we have fallen in love, fallen in love with each other’s families, have been on numerous adventures, and have made plans, and continue to make plans for our future together. Seven months and sometimes I still cannot believe this is real. Does this perfect, handsome, cowboy man ACTUALLY want me? Like STILL? For everyone who told me “when you know, you know,” and I rolled my eyes at you, you were right. I never imagined this could be this easy. I never imagined I would fall for someone in another state, let alone Montana. That is the only reason I messaged him back in the first place, because he was in Montana so nothing could happen. Well just look at this unraveled plan! It is beautiful and makes me excited every day.

Thank you to my sister for having one too many drinks and singing my praises to a guy she didn’t know. She will forever hold credit. As I was giving up, Preston was stepping up, and my life will never be the same. I cannot wait to see what else the future holds for us.

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lifestyle, the.B.Law

Can We Just Start Over?

Wow, I have not posted since October… shame on me. Not to use the same excuse that everyone has, but 2020 was rough. It started off great and we thought it was going to be like THE YEAR, and then the rug got pulled out from under us. AND THEN, to let the year come full circle, I am spending the first two weeks of the long awaited new year IN QUARANTINE because yes, my whole house got COVID (we are all fine). But maybe this is a good thing? Because 2020 started off great and then went downhill. Maybe since my 2021 is starting off at the bottom of that hill, it can only go up from here? I am hopeful.

Aside from 2020 being different, and hard, there were a couple great things for me. I turned 30 in February and didn’t die (but then the world actually ended… I don’t think those events are related), and I got to have an epic 30th trashy birthday party. The other amazing thing was finding a boyfriend and love! So 2020 may be the year of the pandemic, but it will always be the year I found my person and got to visit Montana three times to see him and move him home. A big enough event for me to say 2020 wasn’t all that bad.

Two of my sisters and I sat down this past Monday and set goals for the new year, but kind of broke them down into weekly and monthly goals with check-ins. I know it has only been a few days but it really has me motivated. My goals include getting my brand Tragic Girls H.Q. up and going, working on my writing (poem collection and book), and obviously this blog and my Instagram that goes with it. My relationship with this blog has really changed over the years and fell in place with where I was in life. I was pretty steady (I think) about three years ago, then post break up I realized I used my blog as a clutch. I was literally pumping out content about three times a week and planning and doing most of the work on Sundays. That wasn’t a bad thing and I really enjoyed it. It was what I needed at that time in my life. Then the next year I came out of hiding and started going out with my younger sister and had A TON of fun, but didn’t leave as much time for blogging. This last year as I said above, there was the pandemic, falling in love, and I still didn’t leave myself much time for the blog.

NOW THIS YEAR I want to get back to it. I want to continue documenting my adventures and all of the new adventures that are going to come. My goal for this year is to post every Friday. If I get a second in for the week then go me, but bare minimum I need a put a post out every Friday. I am ready for the challenge and ready to get back to creating. I need it!

Thanks for being along for the ride. Content will vary between life, adventures, styles, advice, all of it! Let’s do it!

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lifestyle, the.B.Law

That New New – Pt. 2

Hey! I’m going to stop you right there and say if you have not read the first half of this post, That New New – Pt. 1, then go read that first.

I have left you hanging on updates since May… sorry about that, slack attack. Recap, it was May and I bought a plane ticket to go meet Mr. Montana in June, IN MONTANA, and be his wedding date… to a wedding he was also now officiating. Talk about a first date.

“Four months of anticipation packed into a carryon. 30 years of life and I’d never flown alone.”

Can you imagine my nerves? I was about to fly, BY MYSELF for the first time, to go meet a guy I had only ever FaceTimed… on Instagram because he never had enough service to actually FaceTime 😅. MY FATHER WAS LIKE WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! But I had to go.

“I swear my heart was beating louder than the roar of the engines as we touched down.”

The week had come, AND MY FLIGHT CHANGED LIKE DAYS BEFORE, WHICH WOULD HAVE LEFT ME TO MISS MY CONNECTING FLIGHT. So after waiting literally 10 hours for a call back from Delta, I got a flight the day prior, had to call my manager while I had the Delta lady on hold to get approved to take one more day off, and get to Montana a day early. June 4th. I would be there from Thursday at lunch time to Sunday. Walking out of the terminal I was SO NERVOUS. I arrived at noon-ish which meant Mr. Montana had to get me on his lunch break. I texted him and he told me he wasn’t there yet. I got on the escalator and saw him walking towards it, he was already there waiting to surprise me. With sunflowers, my favorite. Wearing cowboy boots, also my favorite. He walked up to me, put his spare arm around me and pulled me in for our first kiss and it was magical. We were both literally shaking as we walked back to his Jeep. Also please note he handed me the flowers and took my bag from me. I was shookth. Who was this gentleman and where did he come from?

“My knees weak and nervous, my mouth dry from my mask. The world was falling apart, but I just wanted to fall into you.”

He drove me to his cabin and had to go back to work, so I got to cuddle with his amazing dog Raen and take a nap. Life was good.

“The descend of the escalator, Lord please don’t let me fall. I could see you, cowboy boots, the sunflowers bright in your hand, my favorite.”

That night he came home from work, COOKED FOR ME, like the best pasta ever, then asked me to officially be his girlfriend. It was a dream. The rest of the weekend was amazing. Date night Friday, wedding for his best friends Saturday, and crying when I went home on Sunday.

“You wrapped your free arm around me, strong but gentle, and we kissed for the first time. It took everything in me not to melt into a puddle on the floor.”

A month goes by and I find a cheap plane ticket to go back for the Fourth of July, but I had to drive to Vegas in order to get this cheap flight. Done. Got to work at the crack of dawn, worked eight hours, drove four hours to Vegas, waited at the airport for like another four (or more) hours because my plane got delayed twice, and arrived at just about midnight for another fun filled Montana weekend which included staying in this chic little sheep wagon, a rodeo, and a river float.

“A trade, flowers for my bag, my hand in yours, and the wonder of whether the moment was even real as we walked to your Jeep.”

Two months later, I flew back out for Labor Day weekend (this time from Ontario and not Vegas) to move Mr. Montana back to California, and we have basically been together almost every day since.

“You opened my door. The brief moment to myself, as you put my bag in the back, might have been the first breath I took since you stole it away.”

That was just a super quick update, I will give more details in another post. Just know he is here, we are BEYOND happy, and oh yeah, his name is Preston.

“Door closed behind you, my face is in your hands, your lips on mine. You pulled back and smiled and I could see my future in your eyes.”

(follow on insta, @the.b.law, if you don’t already to see more of his lovely face 😉)

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lifestyle, the.B.Law

The Season has Changed

I found this post in my drafts. I don’t even remember when I started it, but if I had to guess it was before my birthday in February. Let me tell you, turning 30 really messes with your mind 😅. I have settled in though now that it has been over a month. Read on and we will circle up at the end:

In the midst of “finding myself” recently and being pretty happy with where I am currently at, I have also been feeling fairly lost. It is strange to have such conflicting feelings. I feel like I have come such a long way in being content, that this lost feeling character rearing its head is throwing me off. It makes me question really how much I have grown or learned.

This may sound weird or maybe even narcissistic, but I often think I am hyper-self aware. I don’t know if those are even the right terms, but let me explain. I am aware when I am feeling some sort of way, mostly when it is a way I should not be feeling. For instance, I will be the first to admit when I am throwing my own pity party. I will literally laugh at myself, acknowledge that I am ridiculous, yet still hang out at this sad party for one. Countless times I am telling my sister “I feel like (insert feeling), I know that’s not true, but I just feel (insert feeling).” It is such circle that one can go round and round in. I don’t even let her talk! It is just me talking to myself with her listening, playing both sides of the conversation.  I wonder if not having this self-awareness would make life easier. It would allow me to actually call my sister for good ole’ advice instead of just ranting and knowing deep down that I am just a nut. Now writing this, I don’t even know if that made sense but I hope it did.

ANYWAYS, I guess this is all to preface the fact that I have been feeling lost, but I know I am not, yet I am going to stay in this lost fog until I decide to pull myself out. So if you need me that is where I will be. This is a different feeling of lost though. It is more lost incognito. When I go somewhere I have never been, by myself, I hate looking lost and like I do not know what I am doing. Therefore I try really hard to act like I know what I am doing. That is what this feels like this time. A subtle war in myself of convincing everyone else I know what I am doing, but maybe I am just trying to convince myself. I don’t like appearing like I am not alright, so the front goes up.

I feel like I am in a sort of transition. Almost like the seasons changing, I am half bleh and half really happy.

That is where I ended that rant. The last line stuck out to me though today about feeling in transition and the seasons changing. Because I was absolutely right about that. At this current point in time, I am not feeling lost, I am feeling content, and dare I say… happy? Yes I said it, I am feeling genuinely happy, but not without reason. Something has happened since I originally started this post. Something you will hear about soon enough. So for now just know, we are doing okay 😊… 👇🏼 … 👀

my cheeks should be burnt from the amount of times youve made me blush.

 

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dating, lifestyle, the.B.Law

Take a Chance On Me, In Person

I submitted this to Popsugar over a year ago and they didn’t publish it, so I might as well not let it go to waste. Read below to see my then and still struggle with the dating apps 🙃

(I actually have two others that haven’t been published, I am on a good streak with them… 0 published and 3 declined but who is counting? WE WILL NOT GIVE UP! But I will post the other two on here as well)

PS – I hope the title of this gets “Take a Chance on Me” by ABBA stuck in your head for three days. That is my gift to you if you get nothing else from this story. Okay now read:

Perhaps I have run out of eligible men that I already know that I would consider dating.

Take a Chance On Me, In Person – 10/30/18

I have had to come to a kind of surprising and possibly scary realization that never really mattered much until recently, where I have found myself 28 and single. The realization: I have never been on a real date. Now let me explain what I mean when I use the term “real date”. I have never been on a date with a guy that I did not previously know or was not already talking to. For example, I was in three long term relationships back to back. The first was a four and half year relationship which started in high school and ended in the middle of college. Our first date was on Valentine’s Day. He surprised me when I got off work and told me what restaurant we were going to, but that I had to drive because he was fifteen and did not have a license yet. It was romantic and innocent in the typical high school date fashion. My second long term boyfriend lasted around two years. Although I was in college, we knew each other from high school and used to help each other sneak into Spanish II late and undetected. Our first date was at Disneyland. My third and most recent long term relationship lasted just shy of four years. We were both two years out of college but kind of knew each other in college. Our first date was at Lazy Dog after weeks of texting. See the trend here?

I now find myself single and with no prospects. Perhaps I have run out of eligible men that I already know that I would consider dating. That leaves me with the great unknown dating world and to be honest, it terrifies me. I have so many questions and nerves. Where do you start? Where is a good place to meet good guys? How do you even talk to guys once you pry them out of their hiding spots? How do you know if they are psychos or not? My fears are never ending. I have noticed a pattern though. I have been single for 9 months now, so friends are starting to get curious if I am dating or ready to date yet. Almost every single one of them have asked, “Are you on the dating apps?” You know, all the free ones like Tinder, Bumble, Plenty of Fish, Coffee Meets Bagel, the list goes on and on. Even acquaintances and strangers, that is the first thing they ask when I say I am not seeing anyone. I immediately tell them, “No I am not online dating and I do not want to be part of that,” but now I am the curious one. Not curious to be on the apps, but whether or not the dating apps are the new norm for dating in today’s world?

I am starting to question if I have missed the entire era of good old fashion dating where you meet someone in person, feel a spark or some sort of interest, and the guy asks you out to dinner or drinks. Is this something that will only ever be remembered in movies and in tales of our parents telling us how it used to be in their day before evil technology took over the world? I have this burning urge to resist this new way, yet I am doing nothing to prove myself right. I keep telling myself that I want to give myself a chance on finding a date on my own before resulting to the dating apps. It is almost as if I have convinced myself that the apps are for giving up. They seem like the easy way out, letting them all come to you and weeding through the bad one liners.

What gets me the most confused is that in my head I have built up how against the dating apps I am, yet everyone who asks me if I am on them asks so with such normalcy. I cannot help but wonder if this is just what you do now. Not one friend or stranger that has asked me has done so with sarcastic tones or judgment in their voices. They have asked out of pure curiosity. I am the one pre-judging myself for even uttering or thinking the word “Tinder”. Yet again, I am not going out to try and find a date “the good old fashion way”. Instead I talk about it, make it sound like it could be fun, continue to dis the dating apps, and continue to not go out and meet people. At this rate I am going to die alone from sheer stubbornness all because I do not want to say I met my man online.

I am at a standstill, caught between hypocrisy and acceptance. Is there a right and wrong about the “correct” way to date, or is it more a battle of which is more effective rather than which is right? I know the pros to online dating, like not having enough time to “get out there” calls to me with all of my being, because who has the time to get ready and cast a line out there in anticipation that a good and (hopefully) attractive guy takes the bait? But as soon as I have a hint of wonder to download one of the apps, I think how much of a hypocrite I am being after badmouthing the act. I have come to the conclusion, to settle my mind on both sides, that I need to go out and give it a go at least once, evaluate the experience, and decide from there if I can handle it again, or if I want to take advantage of the apps as a tool and not a defeat. If this is the new norm, and everyone I talk to thinks it is normal to go on the apps, then maybe I am the one who is not normal and needs to get with the times.

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lifestyle, the.B.Law

30…

Hi guys! Been a minute. I think I start every post off that way lately but whatever. I haven’t written in a while and that is okay. So, uh, what has happened since my last post?  Well let’s see, happy new year, I still have braces, and oh yeah, I TURNED 30! Still unclear how I feel about it but due to the near mental breakdowns over the last two weeks, I’d say it is going swimmingly 🙃.

I don’t even know why it happened. It started the week of my birthday (my birthday was on a Friday) as I felt each hour passing over the death of my youth. Dramatic much? You don’t even know. But I was in a straight MOOD. I was not ready to let go of my twenties. In fact I have made the decision that I am not actually 30 until I get my braces off, but if we are talking technicalities here, I will humor you and we will say that I AM 30 right now. Anyways, 30 just seems so adult, and like me… I am not an adult. Adults have like spouses and/or kids and drama with their in-laws. Meanwhile I am over here single, yelling at Pilot Pete on The Bachelor to get rid of that crazy betch.

I don’t even know if this is classified as a meltdown, but I myself felt as if I was melting down. I was so grumpy and on the verge of tears. It was like the sky was falling and I couldn’t do anything to hold it up. But alas, Friday came and I turned 30 and I didn’t drop dead so I have that going for me. Two of my sisters and I tried to go to Emo Nite in LA on that night to celebrate the music of my youth and we didn’t get in so….. not sure what that means, but I got to smell what I can only assume was fresh urine on the steps leading us up to Sunset Blvd so we could walk into a bar to just sit and waste that last hour of parking we paid $25 for to go to a venue we couldn’t get into. BUT EVERYTHING IS FINE. *insert My Chemical Romance lyrics, “Trust me, I’M NOT OKAYYYY!”*

The day after the failed attempt at celebrating, we REALLY celebrated. We had a house party at my parents house for my birthday and it was SO FUN! We all got lit and played drinking games and I was completely hungover the next day.

Then came Monday (enter dark cloud stage left)… the start of the second meltdown. I had crippling anxiety ALL DAY. It was brought on by something so stupid and trivial and was a result of me overthinking like the psycho girl that I am, thinking that I ruined a situation THAT ISN’T EVEN A REAL SITUATION. I know I am being vague and cryptic, but all I can say is, know your place in a “non-relationship”. The anxiety lasted all day. I barely ate, all I wanted to do was crawl into a hole. This anxiety, although lessened, lasted all week. It was horrible. This week we are better. I still keep getting little waves of anxiety but small.

Is this 30? For the week that I have been 30 I can say that I am not impressed. Everyone says how great it is but I think they just tell you so you are less scared, or they are just excited you are about to join them in misery. Either or. Who me? Cynical? NEVER 😈.

This may have been a very confusing rant, but you know what? If this isn’t a representation of a melting down 30 year old then I do not know what is. Bring it on!

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