Dear Micaela

I am not quite sure why, but so often when I think of you, the image of you with crimped hair and your metallic silver Britney Spears and/or Christina Aguilera costume pops in my head. Just a fun fact 😉

I wanted to let you know how much I have been enjoying hanging out with you. I keep thinking about the one night we confessed to each other that we both thought neither one of us wanted to hang out with the other. I always thought I was too lame for you, and you thought you were too wild for me. Maybe we are actually just the perfect balance we both need.

I don’t think we really think about how much younger siblings can teach us. We as older sibs think it is all on us, but these last couple months, I am learning from you and I want you to know that. You have showed me that it is okay to get messy and let loose and I mean this in the best possible way. I have spent so much of my time striving for perfection. It gets to the point where I feel like I cannot do anything “out of line” without someone making it into some kind of deal. But these last couple months where we have just let loose, acted goofy, and have had fun, have been AMAZING! You are one of the few people I can be fully myself with with absolutely no judgements. I can tell you my craziest thoughts and you are there for it.

You are teaching me to stop apologizing because I am an overly apologetic person with no real reason to be. Multiple times you have told me, “don’t say sorry, you have done nothing wrong”. The pressure we can put on ourselves of right and wrong can be so overbearing, but you are reminding me to not be so judgmental of myself and my actions.

You are also teaching me to not care so much what others think, although I believe this is something we all struggle with. When we are together though, I think we are good at reminding each other that WHO CARES?

I want you to know how amazing you are. It is still weird to think I can go out and drink with you, but here we are, both adults. Know you have this confidence around you that I envy and I can feel when I am with you. It radiates around you and is infectious. I strive to be even an ounce as confident as you are when we are together. You walk proudly up, are not afraid to talk to people, or to take chances. I hope to be like you one day.

Also know you have grown into such a beautiful woman. I often look at our current photos together and am just amazed. Not amazed that you are beautiful, we all knew you would grow into a breathtaking woman, but to have that memory of your cute crimped hair to you now it’s just like damn, look at her.

Last thing to know, you are so loving. I can see all the love you have to give. From your selflessness you give to your friends, to the love for your family, your special bond with me and the sisters, and the love you have for your man. I can see the way you look at him, yearn for him, and take care of him. You’re so full of love, don’t ever lose that, and know you are deserving of the exact same love from everyone you give it to.

None of us are perfect. We strive to be, but we are only human. It is okay to make mistakes and to also give ourselves a break from the tiresome journey to be constantly put together. I love being “messy” with you. I say messy in quotes because we are not messy, but when we let loose, it is some of my favorite times. To be genuinely us. To quote Spongebob Squarepants in a bar, even if dad scolds me that I will never find a man doing that. To drinking in the parking lot at the bar and then walking a mile to the other bar just to save a few bucks. To dishing out bean and cheese burritos at 3 in the morning and then crying into them because of how hungry we were and the thankful thoughts that these burritos may actually save our lives. To being hyperaware of where we both were at all times at Stagecoach because we can’t stand the thought of something happening to one of us. You are still my baby sister and I have this mama bear urge to protect you always.

You are one of my best friends and I love you so much, and I am so sorry for ever making you feel like I didn’t want to be around you. I will always be here for you, remember that. Just as you don’t judge me, I am not here to judge you. I will always listen and try to give advice when I can, admit when I can’t, or even just be there to be silent with. I’ve got you always. Everything happens for a reason and in God’s time, and there has to be one for why He wanted us close now. All I know is I never want to let this go.

Love,

Brittany

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RV Having Fun Yet?!

Reflection on 2015

Being that we are already five days into 2016, I think it is time that I finally reflect on 2015. I was reading everyone else’s reflections and almost wasn’t going to do one, until I realized just how much stuff happened in the past year. It is funny how a year can go by so fast yet when you think back, so much is crammed into that time. Sometimes something that happened can seem so long ago and you forget that it all happened within a year. 2015 seemed busy like any other full of ups and downs, however for my family and I, had quite a few deeper downs than usual. We started the year off with my grandma passing away. She lived a very long and fulfilled life with six children who all got married and had their owns kids. Although hard, we knew she was happy. Soon after though I got to see one of my best friends get married and it was so beautiful. Their love is just so beautiful and their relationship with God truly inspires me still. After that I had one of the funnest birthday celebrations I have had, bar hoping in Huntington Beach with all of the people I love.

Everything seemed normal for awhile, just living with my roomie, working, and blogging. Then we found out our Nana was now sick with stomach cancer and dementia. It seemed to happen and progress so fast. She had a successful surgery removing everything, however they are still concerned about the microcells, so we will still see when she goes to the Dr. this month. Having her not remember is hard. All while handling this my bfffffff was going through practically the same thing with her family. At least we truly had an understanding of this and didn’t have to do it alone. Her family is my family and vice versa.

In between this hectic time, my roomie and I moved out of our apartment, she into her parents house for a very short while, and I moved in with my boyfriend. Although it was bitter sweet to leave our apartment, it was exciting to start a life here with him (except for the fact that our place isn’t that big and I just cannot handle the closet space! But that is all part of the experience right? I mean I am sure tons of people use the linen closet in the bathroom as their second closet. Am I right? No, just me?) Just as everything got settled, my roomie found out that she was getting promoted to Vegas! How cool is that?! I was so excited for her and still am, it was and still is hard though because I miss her. I talk to her everyday but I used to see her everyday and now I haven’t seen her in a few months.

Shortly after this my family was hit with more illness. Since I know that she wouldn’t want this discussed all I can say is we had more cancer in someone very close. It was a miracle that they caught it so early and have gotten it all out. The Dr. says that there should be no follow up treatment, praise the Lord! Oddly again, my bfffffff goes through something again similar yet different (I know that sounds strange but it is not my place to give details).  By this time it really just felt like the saying “When it rains it pours.” That is what it felt like, and sometimes it is hard to remember the good with all of the bad. But good things need to be praised no matter how small.

I almost forgot! Somewhere up in-between all of this, I can’t remember exactly when, our mom moved closer to us, like 13 miles from me, and I have seen her more in the last six or seven months than I have in the last ten years. You can imagine how great that is! Although she still has a ways to go, she is moving up slowly.

Despite all of the bad that happened this year I wouldn’t describe this past year as bad. Everything happens for a reason and although we cannot understand why sometimes, God has a plan for everything. Through all of this I have been getting closer with my family. The year did end off with something great though. My bffffff’s sister and husband had their baby. What better way to end than with a new life of a beautiful baby? I am thankful for the past year, but I am so excited for this new year and for all of the new things to come. If you missed it, check out my post before last New Year, New Blog, New Resolutions to see what all I am so excited about, one of which my blog name changing!

I hope you all had time to reflect on this past year. Don’t forget to be thankful for everything that has happened and that you are here, alive today! Here is to a new year and a new start!

 

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Annual Family Nerf War

My family started a new holiday tradition a few years ago and this year was our third annual nerf war.  My little sister hosted it at her house this year since all of her roommates were gone and she has a pretty cool back yard. We started off the usual way, picking teams and wearing red or green bandannas. We play capture the flag. We start off at a tree and you have to get the flag back to the tree. If you’re shot you put your gun up and have to go back to the tree to get back in. Simple enough. We played two rounds where my team, the red team won both times. I know, we are good. 

After a break we decided we were going to change it and play zombie. This is every man for them self. Everyone is a human except for one, which was my 3 year old niece. Everyone hid and she had to find us. If she touched you, you became a zombie and you put your gun down and go after the other humans. The last human standing won. Same rules apply for the zombies that if you got shot you go to the tree. Well I turned into a zombie got shot and went to the tree. After I touched the tree I saw my dad in the house and went after him. I was right on his tail running down the stairs and he dove over he couch and I fell down the stairs! It was like my feet came off the stairs and I was in the air, slammed down on my butt and back and slid down a quite a few stairs. I couldn’t stop myself. Then my dad gets off the couch and shoots me with his nerf gun. I just laid there. It hurt so bad! But we laughed about it, until now as I’m laying on the couch writing this in pain. It hurts to sit down and stand up! Typical me. Clumsy as ever. Forever tragic. Maybe 2016 will turn a new leaf. Until then I’ll just sit here with my broken butt. 

(Sad that we didn’t take any pictures this time, all I have is this text to my other sister who couldn’t come)

  

The Holidays: Stress or No Stress?

It is almost Thanksgiving! Time to give thanks and remember the pilgrims and indians sharing. You know, some pilgrims came, they met up with some indians and shared corn… or maybe that was Pocahontas. Anyways there must have been turkeys because that is now the center of the Thanksgiving table. Our family likes to go back to our native roots and deep fry that bird because pilgrims and indians didn’t have ovens, so that is the closest we get to rotisserie style. You learn this stuff in elementary school, since then I became an English major and countless anthologies have taken place of this prior information.

I love Thanksgiving and the whole season of it. This year just seems so complicated though. It is in two weeks and no one in my family knows what they are doing because we apparently aren’t doing anything together. It is understandable why my parents are not doing the whole ordeal since there is some health recovery at the moment, but now they are most likely going out of state because they got invited. This will be the first thanksgiving without my dad in a looooong time. My two sisters and I do not even know what we are doing! We just know that the three of us can’t spend it apart. There are different options but what do you choose? The holidays seem to get more and more stressful every year. Instead of trying to enjoy them, you worry about making everyone happy. Is this just me? Does anyone else have this problem? And the older we get the more complicated it gets. I cannot wait to have my own house where I can have Thanksgiving and everyone can come to me. Until then we will make it work.

Weekend Update

Happy first day of November! I hope everyone had a good and safe weekend. Just a quick recap of mine, Friday night I binge watched season 2 of The Originals on Netflix and am kind of sad that I finished it so fast. Now I have to watch the current season online until I get caught up on the few episodes I am behind, and then wait a week to watch each new one like a peasant. Saturday was Halloween, but obviously you knew that, and I woke up with the worst migraine. I am pretty sure my head knows when I am planning on having fun and just hates me. My boyfriend and I had planned on going to our friends for dinner and to hand out candy. While he watched the USC game before we went, I slept again to try to make my headache go away. It was a miracle but by the time we left it was gone! That never happens.

We got down to our friends and she made dinner for us. Some of you may know her, she is one of my best friends Amanda from Glitter it Gold. If you haven’t checked out her blog then you should because she is one of the best cooks that I know! She made the best steak! It was a perfect night, that was until I accidentally made my Michael Kors watch fall off of the bathroom counter and it shattered! I seriously almost cried, I am determined to get it fixed though.

This morning we left Amanda and her husband’s house to go to my parents. I had to go to my friend’s daughter’s first birthday! So I was going to drop my boyfriend off at my parents to hang out until I was done. My friend’s daughter is adorable and seriously loved her cake, she got chocolate wasted. You can actually check her out as well at The Mom Struggle is Real. (I know I have quite a few blogger friends that are like my real friends, but we help to motivate each other!) Anyways, this little one’s party was so nice and it was nice to see my friend because we never see each other, yet we are still close. After the party I went back to my parents and hung out with the family for a bit. It was a pretty filled weekend but I felt accomplished.

Now that I am finally home I had to sit down and write. Not just this blog though. Today is the first day of nanowrimo which stands for national novel writing month. I am going to try it. I already had an idea and it it became an even better idea recently when I realized what I really wanted the book to be about. I took it as a sign and figured I should try this. I got a bit of a head start and have a few pages already. Not to put myself down, but I know that I will not finish a novel in a month and that is okay, I don’t want to have this goal that I am not confident in achieving because then I will just feel like a failure. Instead I just want to write everyday. Somedays may be a little some may be a lot. I think though if I can at least write everyday then I can get this story down on paper. It may not even sound great when I get it all down, but i will feel so accomplished. After that comes editing so I know eventually I can make it great. So please hold me accountable, writing every day!

That is about it for the weekend, it is bed time. Good night!

PS- tomorrow will actually be in the low 70’s so please share my excitement and wear a sweater!

Being Thankful

Being the Thanksgiving season and all we should all take the chance to recognize what we are thankful for. I myself am thankful for a lot. I’m thankful for the wonderful dinner that I got to eat with my family today and that I got to watch my 2 year old niece play. But I am also thankful for so much more…

10 things I am thankful for:
1- I am thankful for the dry shampoo that I had to use two days in a row this week because I was too lazy to wash my hair
2- I’m thankful for tampons because they are probably one of the best inventions in the world
3- I am thankful that I didn’t pop my tire when I ran over the curb yesterday
4- For my roomie, may she always be just as tragic as I am
5- I’m thankful for my Bfffff and that she has put up with me for 15 years
6- For my sisters assuring me that I am not the only crazy one
7- I am thankful that living on my own has taught me that snacks actually make a good dinner
8- For my boyfriend because for some reason he loves me
9- I am thankful that I am a sneaky, ninja, closeted psycho girl but appear put together to everyone else
10- I am thankful that although I can’t remember things all the time, I can always remember movie quotes like a teenage boy

There are things to be thankful for everyday. Instead of always go, go, going, we need to take time to reflect and be happy with our lives no matter how tragic they are. Love your life, your family, and your friends and be thankful that you have them.

Love,
-Tragic Girls ❤