the.B.Law

Eternal Ray of Effing Sunshine

Let’s have a therapy session, shall we? I want to talk about optimism and positivity. Two great things, wouldn’t you agree? I am kind of known as the eternal optimist in my neck of the woods. I am always pushing for my friends and my family to see the brighter side of things, to search for the positives in every situation rather than dwell on the bad or what could go wrong. I push it a lot with my older sister whom I live with. She has a letter board in the living room and I made it say “Negative Nancy don’t live here no more”. Not long before that, the board used to say “What is the glass? Half full!”. I make she and my now nine-year-old niece chant both of these phrases often.

Negative Nancy don’t live here no more!

I tend to be this way at work too. I figure in most cases, work and personal life, what is being negative going to do to help better any situation? It isn’t going to do anything but give you a bad attitude. Usually, with some patience and a positive attitude, you can get through most bad situations. But recently, I have felt myself growing tired of my role as the eternal ray of sunshine. It has grown from me wanting to be positive, to it feeling like it is my RESPONSIBILITY to be positive, like it is my duty. It is like I have created this character and I am not allowed to break from it. Which makes it sound like a bad thing. I am not trying to brag like “oh I am so positive all the time” and give myself an undercover compliment. You know when you are in a job interview, and they ask what your weakness is, and you say something like “I am a perfectionist,” or “I work too much and don’t like to leave things unfinished” as a way of complimenting yourself? This is not what this is. In this case, I am finding out that for me, being so positive all the time, is resulting negatively on myself. I am pouring so much out into everyone else with this character that I must be, that I am EXHAUSTED. The pressure I have bestowed upon myself is just ridiculous. As if I have any power at all, that if I am not positive on any given situation, that the world might crumble for that individual. As if I am the only thing keeping their head above the water. It is an incredible weight.

I have felt myself growing tired of my role as the eternal ray of sunshine.

Since I am the one who is always so positive and glass half full for everyone else, then I feel like I am not ALLOWED to feel negative our doubtful for myself. And since I am not ALLOWED to be this way publicly, it leaves me to have to feel negative, and down, and any other kind of bad emotion by myself and deal with it alone. Not having anyone be there and be positive for you because they don’t know that you need it, can feel really lonely. It doubles up on the exhaustion. Again you are pouring everything into everyone else, and left to try and recharge on your own. This has no bad reflection on the people around me, the fault is entirely on me. I have gotten so good at keeping a positive front, that I do not let my feelings show (or at least I think I do a good job at it) that something is wrong. I am very much in the mind set that I AM FINE, and can deal, and do not need help.

It is such a mix of great quality traits, turning on you to create a vicious cycle. One of your own making, fueled by everyone else expecting you to be this way because you have made them believe that this is you all the time, when in reality, you are drowning. I am drowning in my support for others emotions and I am not quite sure what to do about it. And let me tell you, emotional exhaustion hits different at the end of the day than physical exhaustion. It makes you incapable of doing what you need to do at the end of the day to feel successful or happy, which in turns makes you more unhappy.

And let me tell you, emotional exhaustion hits different at the end of the day than physical exhaustion.

Now this isn’t a feeling all the time. There are perfectly good days where I am positive, everyone else is positive, and things just go great. But some days can start to spiral and crumble because of a single moment. A whole day down the tubes, and most times it feels like there is no way to stop it. It feels like you are pushing everyone up above you until you’re at the bottom alone, with a body full of anxiety.

I am somehow able to verbalize this to myself and write it down here, and it seems simple to stop or change, but the immense pressure and rules we place on ourselves are a lot stronger than we realize. A simple task, ask for help. Complicated rebuttal, I CAN’T. I SO cannot be an inconvenience to anyone that I will choose to do everything I can on my own.

I’m not sure where I am going with this, I just felt the need to talk about it somewhere after multiple and increasing mental breakdowns that I try to not let show and will just deal with internally. If you understand me, let me know. If you have suggestions, let me know. I need to find a balance of being there for myself, just as much as I am there for others. Your encouragement is welcomed.

Thanks fiends for listening.

Love, Anxious Britt

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the.B.Law

Check Out These Pearly Whites!

Hello there and happy Monday!

If you have been following along, then you know about my braces journey. How could you not know, it was all I could complain about 😆. Well, I have had them off for five months now AND I LOVE IT! Except, now I obsess about wearing my retainer. I swear one time I didn’t wear it for four hours, and a tooth moved. I literally wear it all the time because I don’t want to waste all the money I spent. Not to toot my own horn, but I have gotten pretty good at speaking with a retainer in. Except for when I am dehydrated and talking too fast, which let’s be real, that is all the time. But on a good day, or more in a good moment, I speak pretty clear with a minimal lisp.

Anyways, this post is not about my old news braces, it is about oral care and whitening. I had the opportunity to work with Smile Brilliant about three years ago trying out their custom whitening trays (read my first post here), then again two years ago to try their cariPro Electric Toothbrush (read that post here). They quickly became a company that I know and trust (and not just because their products are great, but their people are great too!)

The first time I tried their custom at-home teeth whitening system was before I had braces. Once I got my braces on I was sad that I had to throw my trays away. With this program, you get to make custom trays with molds they send you at home. Super easy to do. But since these trays are specifically designed for YOUR teeth, I couldn’t use mine anymore. So when Smile Brilliant reached out recently asking how I was doing and if we wanted to work together again, they offered me the opportunity to create new trays for my newly straightened teeth. You bet I was so excited to use these again because I KNOW it works, and I really wanted to whiten my new smile.

Same program as last time, I received the starter pack in the mail: the mold materials, instructions, and pre-paid package to send them back. I created my molds and even though this was the second time I have done this, I still messed up and had to use the extra materials they give you for a re-do, THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING MY PERFECTIONISM. After I sent them in, I waited for their lab to create my teeth, I mean trays. 

When they finally arrived, I was so anxious to get started. You have to remember that you brush first with just water, then put a thin layer of the whitening solution in each tray toward the front portion of the tray, pop them in your mouth and set a timer. You can have them in from 45 minutes to three hours! I have only ever been able to go an hour and 15 minutes because I have sensitive teeth, but I still see results with the shorter amounts of time. Once you are done with the whitening, you rinse out the trays, and put the desensitizing gel in the same way, and pop that on your teeth for 15-20 minutes. This helps with any sensitivity after whitening.

This time around, my teeth have been more sensitive, my assumption is because I had braces scraped off my teeth. I was educated that teeth get dehydrated, and was advised when I take a break from whitening, to use the trays with just the desensitizing gel a couple nights, then go back to whitening. This seemed to help. I had to take two to three days off at a time this time, so getting to the whiteness I wanted took a little longer, but I could see results with each session and I am really happy about it. These photos are about four weeks apart, whitening about every three days. It is so exciting to have my braces off AND have bright, white teeth! I really recommend Smile Brilliant as an affordable at-home teeth whitening system and have been recommending them since the first time I got to try their system. It is just so simple and really delivers results!

Before and after 2018!
Before and after 2021!

Their custom teeth whitening is not the only thing I love though. I am still in love with my cariPRO electric tooth brush. It is probably obvious that I am all about products for sensitive teeth, and this electric tooth brush has a “sensitive” setting, which is the main setting I use. The battery also lasts FOREVER. The next thing on my list to try is their cordless water flosser! I have only tried a water flosser once, and it had a cord and didn’t seem super easy. I have heard that once you use a water flosser (a good one), you will never want to go back to normal flossing, so I am super excited to try that. I have only heard good things about it.

A couple other products Smile Brilliant offers is a custom night guard to help with clenching your teeth and grinding your teeth at night, and a plaque highlighter to temporarily show you where plaque is gathering on your teeth so you know where to brush really well. This can be used by adults and kids, and I think it would be fun to use with my niece. We can see who is better at brushing their teeth and make it a game. Smile Brilliant also has oral probiotics coming out soon to help repopulate good bacteria in your mouth!

So many good things, that is why I really love and recommend this company. They take oral health very seriously, not just getting your teeth white. I can’t wait to keep my custom trays now that my teeth won’t be changing, and use them a couple times a month to keep any new stains off of my teeth. Once you get to the whiteness you want, it is just a matter of maintaining it.

Now for something fun, I get to do a give away! One of you will get a chance to win your own custom teeth whitening! This link will take you straight to the giveaway form: https://www.smilebrilliant.com/g/theblaw, and it is super simple to enter!

Also, use my code ‘THEBLAWTB20’ for 20% off any purchase from Smile Brilliant! Be sure to share what you end up trying! I can’t wait to see everyone’s beautiful white smiles! 😬

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lifestyle, the.B.Law

My Blog Relationship Status

I have been thinking about my blog a lot lately, and how I want to get back into it (I am always in a state of “wanting to get back into it”). But I also need to address and come to terms of where I am at relationship wise with my blog. I started this seven years ago now (as Tragic Girls), and have been the.B.Law for five and a half years I think. But over the years, my blogging activities were circumstantial to what was going on in my life.

When I started off as Tragic Girls, it was both fun and scary, I posted timidly. I remember the first time I published, I was so giddy I didn’t even sleep well, wondering what people would think as they read my own words. Which thinking back on that now was silly considering I had no followers. But low and behold, some people read, and I felt cool.

Fast forward a year and a half, I changed the blog name to the.B.Law, to focus on style and fashion. I lived with my ex at the time. I was really pumped and excited about now changing my focus to style, but was still posting timidly since my ex thought the whole thing was lame. Instead of letting that fuel my fire in an “I’ll show you” kind of way, I let it hinder me. I was really hesitant to create an Instagram account for my blog because of him, but I made one anyways after one of my friends made one for her new blog with no hesitation. She inspired me, so I went for it (shoutout Amanda).

Another year and a half later and I was moving in with my older sister and her family after my ex broke it off. At that point, my blog relationship completely changed. I IMMERSED myself in it. I was planning, writing, and posting three times a week, planning and posting style pics almost every day on Instagram, and going out every weekend to create content. I loved Sundays because that was the day I would sit down with my phone, laptop, and planner and create my content calendar for the next week. This time was really enjoyable for me, I needed it. But it wasn’t until almost a year later that I realized I was using my blog as a crutch to cope with feeling broken. Which I wouldn’t necessarily say was a bad thing, but could have been if I would have kept it up longer than was needed. It was both a healing mechanism and a distraction.

Next, a year later (maybe? getting confused on the time), I was still living with my sister (but in their new house), and getting closer to one of my younger sisters. I was single and her boyfriend worked every weekend, so we started going line dancing. We started attending line dance lessons at our favorite bar a few times a week. These activities left me little time to blog, but I felt okay with that since I was having so much fun. But when I would sit down to blog, I again felt timid. This new circle of friends were not into the whole blog scene, which was fine, but I let it affect my decisions to blog. I didn’t want to appear lame that I had a blog that wasn’t big and wanted to build a following on Instagram. I was older than all of them and really let it get to my head. So I just didn’t blog much. Now were these their actual feelings towards blogging? I don’t know because I never felt confident enough to just do it and that is on me.

Second to last chapter in this story… another year or so later, and I have a new boyfriend. If you have been following then you know who he is. Preston, aka – Mr. Montana, and I start dating and get this… he LIKES that I write and even finds it ATTRACTIVE. Um what?! But now, flash forward to today, he has been back in CA for a year, and I still have not been blogging, mostly because we were and are always doing things on the weekends.

This past weekend I read the new launch of Indy Blue’s blog (the young 23 year old internet queen who inspires me), and was of course inspired after reading her latest post. I want to come back to this space I created because I WANT TO. Not because I feel like I should, or come back timidly because of who I am with or who I am hanging out with. I want to write freely about what I want whether that be a style post, a sappy in my feelings post, or just about something I think is fun. I created this blog for me, and I so often forget that. Not to be rude, but this blog isn’t about what you, my readers want, it is about what I want, and if that happens to interest you then great, pull up a chair. If not, you don’t have to read.

For so long, I have not been posting for me, letting others unknowingly dictate my presence in something I created.

I want to get back to a good place with my blog. The.B.Law is my creation and has been here for me through many different stages in my life over the past seven years. Now that I am stable (LOL), it’s time for me to make this platform stable, but with no pressure. As much as I love a planner, which I just bought a new super cute one, I am going to try and aim for a posting goal, rather than a posting deadline. I always feel like Friday is a good day for posting a blog, but if I miss a Friday, it is okay. As for what I might post about, who knows! Could be anything, but you can rest assured that whatever I post, will mean something to me. For so long, I have not been posting for me, letting others unknowingly dictate my presence in something I created. There is no fault on them, just lessons to learn for me. But now it is time.

So if you have followed along this far, thank you, and I hope you will continue to do so. Don’t be shy of the comments box, if you have ever felt the same feel free to share. We are all navigating this era of the world. The internet instantly connects us all, but is hurting real connections. Knowing you’re not alone in your experiences sure can make a difference.

Until my next post, talk to you soon.

xoxo – Britt

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the.B.Law

Basically Custom

I have a serious issue when it comes to stationary, and by issue I mean I am obsessed with it. I can’t make it by the notebook aisle to save my life. Whenever little packs of blank note cards are in the sale section, I am buying three packs. I just love this stuff! I blame having an English degree and loving to write. That is my scapegoat and I am sticking to it!

Another thing I have been obsessed with recently is customization. Anything I have been able to customize lately, I have been doing it. So far it has been a lot of graphics and stickers. But the best thing has happened. I found Basic Invite, a site that lets you CUSTOMIZE STATIONARY! You can only imagine my excitement. 

I was playing on their site and there is just so much you can do! So many colors (like 180)! So many options! I started with personalized notecards, OBVIOUSLY! I was surprised how easy it was. I literally designed my whole card in less than 10 minutes. Also I am gushing at the cute pattern on the back. I didn’t even think about adding something like that until it prompted me. Then the envelopes! Basic Invite has 40 COLOR OPTIONS of envelopes! You don’t have to go with plain old white if you don’t want… even though I did here. Don’t judge me, sometimes a girl likes to keep it simple and classy. I mean, look how cute this is!!

Basic Invite just has so many things you can make. I am a person who loves paper, if you couldn’t tell. This is true for me as well when it comes to invitations, holiday cards, and announcements. I love sending these, and I love receiving these. Sending and receiving as in the mail. I had just designed and sent out invitations right before I found Basic Invite, and I wish I could have used them. It would have saved me a lot of time. It is perfect timing however, for my little sister who recently graduated with her Masters degree, because Basic Invite also offers college graduation announcements, along with a ton of college graduation announcement templates! I wish I had these options when I was graduating college because these are so darn cute, and just as customizable as the stationary I designed above. I have already sent their link to my sister. Hey sis, when you are looking at those announcements, don’t forget the graduation party announcements too! We love a good party!

So BASICALLY, I highly recommend Basic Invite. It is definitely a company that will get repeated use for all life events. They have a promo code right now for 15% off, and you can bet I am using it because finding a good deal is my jam. Use code 15FF51 at checkout to apply your 15% off discount!

Check them out on Insta! I mean isn’t that the only way we really check people out these days? @basicinvite

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dating, lifestyle, the.B.Law

Then & Now

I love sitting back and thinking about how current situations came to be. For instance, when you realize that if you wouldn’t have been at that party that particular night, you wouldn’t have met so&so who helped you get your current job, or something like that. You know, those types of situations. Everything always has a way of working out. God always has a plan, even if we don’t know what it is, or think he has forgotten about us.

I can’t help but think about my current situation. Tomorrow, January 23, 2021, marks exactly a year since Preston reached out to me for the first time. Granted I didn’t see his message for ten days, but that is beside the point. One year ago, this Montana man came home to visit his family in California, mind you in over FOUR YEARS he only came down twice, and he and his family happened to go camping when he was down. His sister also happens to be one of my sister’s best friends, and she watches my nephew every week. My sister and her family JUST SO HAPPENED to be invited to this camping trip, where they met this Montana brother. In my sister’s less than sober state, she told Mr. Montana all about me and showed him my Instagram. Come January 23, 2020, Preston was brave and took a shot at asking me out before he went back to Montana. Like I said, ten days passed and I didn’t see his message until he was back in Montana. But it didn’t end there.

As I was giving up, you were stepping up.

As I am sure I have mentioned previously, we slowly started responding to each other’s Instagram stories, which turned into longer conversations, which turned into messaging every day, to texting every day, to Instagram “FaceTiming” because Montana has no service for real FaceTime, to me BUYING A PLANE TICKET TO MONTANA and “meeting” Preston for the first time in the Bozeman, MT airport. Seven months from that day in the airport and we are here. Here as in California. We currently live 14 minutes from each other. In these last seven months we have fallen in love, fallen in love with each other’s families, have been on numerous adventures, and have made plans, and continue to make plans for our future together. Seven months and sometimes I still cannot believe this is real. Does this perfect, handsome, cowboy man ACTUALLY want me? Like STILL? For everyone who told me “when you know, you know,” and I rolled my eyes at you, you were right. I never imagined this could be this easy. I never imagined I would fall for someone in another state, let alone Montana. That is the only reason I messaged him back in the first place, because he was in Montana so nothing could happen. Well just look at this unraveled plan! It is beautiful and makes me excited every day.

Thank you to my sister for having one too many drinks and singing my praises to a guy she didn’t know. She will forever hold credit. As I was giving up, Preston was stepping up, and my life will never be the same. I cannot wait to see what else the future holds for us.

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lifestyle, the.B.Law

Can We Just Start Over?

Wow, I have not posted since October… shame on me. Not to use the same excuse that everyone has, but 2020 was rough. It started off great and we thought it was going to be like THE YEAR, and then the rug got pulled out from under us. AND THEN, to let the year come full circle, I am spending the first two weeks of the long awaited new year IN QUARANTINE because yes, my whole house got COVID (we are all fine). But maybe this is a good thing? Because 2020 started off great and then went downhill. Maybe since my 2021 is starting off at the bottom of that hill, it can only go up from here? I am hopeful.

Aside from 2020 being different, and hard, there were a couple great things for me. I turned 30 in February and didn’t die (but then the world actually ended… I don’t think those events are related), and I got to have an epic 30th trashy birthday party. The other amazing thing was finding a boyfriend and love! So 2020 may be the year of the pandemic, but it will always be the year I found my person and got to visit Montana three times to see him and move him home. A big enough event for me to say 2020 wasn’t all that bad.

Two of my sisters and I sat down this past Monday and set goals for the new year, but kind of broke them down into weekly and monthly goals with check-ins. I know it has only been a few days but it really has me motivated. My goals include getting my brand Tragic Girls H.Q. up and going, working on my writing (poem collection and book), and obviously this blog and my Instagram that goes with it. My relationship with this blog has really changed over the years and fell in place with where I was in life. I was pretty steady (I think) about three years ago, then post break up I realized I used my blog as a clutch. I was literally pumping out content about three times a week and planning and doing most of the work on Sundays. That wasn’t a bad thing and I really enjoyed it. It was what I needed at that time in my life. Then the next year I came out of hiding and started going out with my younger sister and had A TON of fun, but didn’t leave as much time for blogging. This last year as I said above, there was the pandemic, falling in love, and I still didn’t leave myself much time for the blog.

NOW THIS YEAR I want to get back to it. I want to continue documenting my adventures and all of the new adventures that are going to come. My goal for this year is to post every Friday. If I get a second in for the week then go me, but bare minimum I need a put a post out every Friday. I am ready for the challenge and ready to get back to creating. I need it!

Thanks for being along for the ride. Content will vary between life, adventures, styles, advice, all of it! Let’s do it!

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lifestyle, the.B.Law

That New New – Pt. 2

Hey! I’m going to stop you right there and say if you have not read the first half of this post, That New New – Pt. 1, then go read that first.

I have left you hanging on updates since May… sorry about that, slack attack. Recap, it was May and I bought a plane ticket to go meet Mr. Montana in June, IN MONTANA, and be his wedding date… to a wedding he was also now officiating. Talk about a first date.

“Four months of anticipation packed into a carryon. 30 years of life and I’d never flown alone.”

Can you imagine my nerves? I was about to fly, BY MYSELF for the first time, to go meet a guy I had only ever FaceTimed… on Instagram because he never had enough service to actually FaceTime 😅. MY FATHER WAS LIKE WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! But I had to go.

“I swear my heart was beating louder than the roar of the engines as we touched down.”

The week had come, AND MY FLIGHT CHANGED LIKE DAYS BEFORE, WHICH WOULD HAVE LEFT ME TO MISS MY CONNECTING FLIGHT. So after waiting literally 10 hours for a call back from Delta, I got a flight the day prior, had to call my manager while I had the Delta lady on hold to get approved to take one more day off, and get to Montana a day early. June 4th. I would be there from Thursday at lunch time to Sunday. Walking out of the terminal I was SO NERVOUS. I arrived at noon-ish which meant Mr. Montana had to get me on his lunch break. I texted him and he told me he wasn’t there yet. I got on the escalator and saw him walking towards it, he was already there waiting to surprise me. With sunflowers, my favorite. Wearing cowboy boots, also my favorite. He walked up to me, put his spare arm around me and pulled me in for our first kiss and it was magical. We were both literally shaking as we walked back to his Jeep. Also please note he handed me the flowers and took my bag from me. I was shookth. Who was this gentleman and where did he come from?

“My knees weak and nervous, my mouth dry from my mask. The world was falling apart, but I just wanted to fall into you.”

He drove me to his cabin and had to go back to work, so I got to cuddle with his amazing dog Raen and take a nap. Life was good.

“The descend of the escalator, Lord please don’t let me fall. I could see you, cowboy boots, the sunflowers bright in your hand, my favorite.”

That night he came home from work, COOKED FOR ME, like the best pasta ever, then asked me to officially be his girlfriend. It was a dream. The rest of the weekend was amazing. Date night Friday, wedding for his best friends Saturday, and crying when I went home on Sunday.

“You wrapped your free arm around me, strong but gentle, and we kissed for the first time. It took everything in me not to melt into a puddle on the floor.”

A month goes by and I find a cheap plane ticket to go back for the Fourth of July, but I had to drive to Vegas in order to get this cheap flight. Done. Got to work at the crack of dawn, worked eight hours, drove four hours to Vegas, waited at the airport for like another four (or more) hours because my plane got delayed twice, and arrived at just about midnight for another fun filled Montana weekend which included staying in this chic little sheep wagon, a rodeo, and a river float.

“A trade, flowers for my bag, my hand in yours, and the wonder of whether the moment was even real as we walked to your Jeep.”

Two months later, I flew back out for Labor Day weekend (this time from Ontario and not Vegas) to move Mr. Montana back to California, and we have basically been together almost every day since.

“You opened my door. The brief moment to myself, as you put my bag in the back, might have been the first breath I took since you stole it away.”

That was just a super quick update, I will give more details in another post. Just know he is here, we are BEYOND happy, and oh yeah, his name is Preston.

“Door closed behind you, my face is in your hands, your lips on mine. You pulled back and smiled and I could see my future in your eyes.”

(follow on insta, @the.b.law, if you don’t already to see more of his lovely face 😉)

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the.B.Law

You Look like the Fourth of July!

I think the Fourth of July is one of my favorite holidays to plan outfits for. I am not quite sure why, I just love me some red, white, and blue. Maybe it is the challenge of how to creatively put those three together in a new way every year. Regardless, I just love it and this year is no different.

Old Navy is always a GREAT stop for Fourth of July looks. They just have so many great pieces and most of them you can mix and match with each other. I walked in the store, to pick up an order NOT to shop, and immediately found four items in like five minutes sooo that is where we are. Check it out:

I love creating red, white, and blue outfits but with more vintage colors, like how these pants are not fully bright red, more of a tomato. Plus they will also be great for a hot summer night because they are thin.

Another way to style these pants for the holiday…

This is another way to not have the bold patriotic colors, this tank is actually gray striped but together gives the look of being festive. I also love that either of these looks can be worn on a regular casual day and you won’t just look like the Fourth of July. But then again who cares right?! LOVE AMERICA!

It has been so long since I have done a style post, I miss them. I will be trying to do more again so stay tuned! Below are some of my previous year’s looks for the Fourth!

One of my favorite work looks for the occasion!

Hope everyone has a safe and fun Fourth of July! Below are a few more items if you need last minute ideas! (all items are linked below and all images are from Old Navy)

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the.B.Law

That New New – Pt. 1

I cannot believe it is May already. Last time I wrote seems like a million years ago, except it was only March and we weren’t in quarantine yet. So much has changed in these past six weeks, and although it is painfully annoying that life feels on hold and we can’t do what we love to do, it has also been an exciting time I have to admit.

Let’s take it back to my last post (linked here if you need a refresher), I ended it with:

At this current point in time, I am not feeling lost, I am feeling content, and dare I say… happy? Yes I said it, I am feeling genuinely happy, but not without reason. Something has happened since I originally started this post. Something you will hear about soon enough. So for now just know, we are doing okay 😊… 👇🏼 … 👀

my cheeks should be burnt from the amount of times youve made me blush.

So what is this reason? Through all of this fun, and complaining, and being over dramatic that I was going to die alone, through all my friends and family WHO HAVE SIGNIFICANT OTHERS telling me “it will happen when you least expect it,” and bah blah, yeah gag me with a spoon, through all that something happened…

Cue Lizzo, “Somebody come get this man, I think he got lost in my DMs, WHAT?”

But like that is what happened. He just slid on in, asking me on a date before he went back to… wait for it……… MONTANA. He was leaving in three days. I didn’t see his message for ten. PS- this was on January 19th.

I responded ten days later, and the only reason I responded was because he said he was just camping with my sister all weekend and she told him about me (obviously confirmed this with her first), but turns out his sister is one of my sister’s good friends. So at least I knew he wasn’t a psycho (plus he was allllllll the way in Montana so what was the harm?). I told him sorry I just saw this, blah blah blah, ended with if you’re in Cali again soon we can get a drink.

The end.

Maybe two weeks later, we have casual responses to Instagram stories. Then like CONVERSATIONS were starting? Still what was the harm? He lives in Montana, and he clearly said in a conversation when I asked when he moved there, “I’m not planning on leaving Montana.” I am much better and braver at talking to guys when I know nothing is going to happen.

February 23rd, and yes I know the date because I spent forever on our Insta conversation scrolling allll the way up to see when, I decided to be “bold” and throw my number out. Which he took and texted me immediately 😊. I was starting to like him… which really was not smart of me because again, MONTANA. Honestly what made him stand out at first was the fact that he messaged me back right away, he didn’t wait for a certain amount of time to not appear too eager or play whatever game it is guys try to play, and I liked that. I could tell he wanted to talk to me.

Well fast forward, we have now been texting every day for over two months AND FaceTiming almost every day. I actually REALLY like him 🙊, which is strange to me I know because we haven’t actually hung out in person yet.

I am going to leave you at that update for now, can’t ruin it all in one post 😉, plus it is all still developing. BUT if you do follow on Insta (@the.b.law), then you know I bought a plane ticket to Montana in June so uh, STAY TUNED.

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lifestyle, the.B.Law

The Season has Changed

I found this post in my drafts. I don’t even remember when I started it, but if I had to guess it was before my birthday in February. Let me tell you, turning 30 really messes with your mind 😅. I have settled in though now that it has been over a month. Read on and we will circle up at the end:

In the midst of “finding myself” recently and being pretty happy with where I am currently at, I have also been feeling fairly lost. It is strange to have such conflicting feelings. I feel like I have come such a long way in being content, that this lost feeling character rearing its head is throwing me off. It makes me question really how much I have grown or learned.

This may sound weird or maybe even narcissistic, but I often think I am hyper-self aware. I don’t know if those are even the right terms, but let me explain. I am aware when I am feeling some sort of way, mostly when it is a way I should not be feeling. For instance, I will be the first to admit when I am throwing my own pity party. I will literally laugh at myself, acknowledge that I am ridiculous, yet still hang out at this sad party for one. Countless times I am telling my sister “I feel like (insert feeling), I know that’s not true, but I just feel (insert feeling).” It is such circle that one can go round and round in. I don’t even let her talk! It is just me talking to myself with her listening, playing both sides of the conversation.  I wonder if not having this self-awareness would make life easier. It would allow me to actually call my sister for good ole’ advice instead of just ranting and knowing deep down that I am just a nut. Now writing this, I don’t even know if that made sense but I hope it did.

ANYWAYS, I guess this is all to preface the fact that I have been feeling lost, but I know I am not, yet I am going to stay in this lost fog until I decide to pull myself out. So if you need me that is where I will be. This is a different feeling of lost though. It is more lost incognito. When I go somewhere I have never been, by myself, I hate looking lost and like I do not know what I am doing. Therefore I try really hard to act like I know what I am doing. That is what this feels like this time. A subtle war in myself of convincing everyone else I know what I am doing, but maybe I am just trying to convince myself. I don’t like appearing like I am not alright, so the front goes up.

I feel like I am in a sort of transition. Almost like the seasons changing, I am half bleh and half really happy.

That is where I ended that rant. The last line stuck out to me though today about feeling in transition and the seasons changing. Because I was absolutely right about that. At this current point in time, I am not feeling lost, I am feeling content, and dare I say… happy? Yes I said it, I am feeling genuinely happy, but not without reason. Something has happened since I originally started this post. Something you will hear about soon enough. So for now just know, we are doing okay 😊… 👇🏼 … 👀

my cheeks should be burnt from the amount of times youve made me blush.

 

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