That New New – Pt. 1

I cannot believe it is May already. Last time I wrote seems like a million years ago, except it was only March and we weren’t in quarantine yet. So much has changed in these past six weeks, and although it is painfully annoying that life feels on hold and we can’t do what we love to do, it has also been an exciting time I have to admit.

Let’s take it back to my last post (linked here if you need a refresher), I ended it with:

At this current point in time, I am not feeling lost, I am feeling content, and dare I say… happy? Yes I said it, I am feeling genuinely happy, but not without reason. Something has happened since I originally started this post. Something you will hear about soon enough. So for now just know, we are doing okay 😊… 👇🏼 … 👀

my cheeks should be burnt from the amount of times youve made me blush.

So what is this reason? Through all of this fun, and complaining, and being over dramatic that I was going to die alone, through all my friends and family WHO HAVE SIGNIFICANT OTHERS telling me “it will happen when you least expect it,” and bah blah, yeah gag me with a spoon, through all that something happened…

Cue Lizzo, “Somebody come get this man, I think he got lost in my DMs, WHAT?”

But like that is what happened. He just slid on in, asking me on a date before he went back to… wait for it……… MONTANA. He was leaving in three days. I didn’t see his message for ten. PS- this was in January 19th.

I responded ten days later, and the only reason I responded was because he said he was just camping with my sister all weekend and she told him about me (obviously confirmed this with her first), but turns out his sister is one of my sister’s good friends. So at least I knew he wasn’t a psycho (plus he was allllllll the way in Montana so what was the harm?). I told him sorry I just saw this, blah blah blah, ended with if you’re in Cali again soon we can get a drink.

The end.

Maybe two weeks later, we have casual responses to Instagram stories. Then like CONVERSATIONS were starting? Still what was the harm? He lives in Montana, and he clearly said in a conversation when I asked when he moved there, “I’m not planning on leaving Montana.” I am much better and braver at talking to guys when I know nothing is going to happen.

February 23rd, and yes I know the date because I spent forever on our Insta conversation scrolling allll the way up to see when, I decided to be “bold” and throw my number out. Which he took and texted me immediately 😊. I was starting to like him… which really was not smart of me because again, MONTANA. Honestly what made him stand out at first was the fact that he messaged me back right away, he didn’t wait for a certain amount of time to not appear too eager or play whatever game it is guys try to play, and I liked that. I could tell he wanted to talk to me.

Well fast forward, we have now been texting every day for over two months AND FaceTiming almost every day. I actually REALLY like him 🙊, which is strange to me I know because we haven’t actually hung out in person yet.

I am going to leave you at that update for now, can’t ruin it all in one post 😉, plus it is all still developing. BUT if you do follow on Insta (@the.b.law), then you know I bought a plane ticket to Montana in June so uh, STAY TUNED.

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The Season has Changed

I found this post in my drafts. I don’t even remember when I started it, but if I had to guess it was before my birthday in February. Let me tell you, turning 30 really messes with your mind 😅. I have settled in though now that it has been over a month. Read on and we will circle up at the end:

In the midst of “finding myself” recently and being pretty happy with where I am currently at, I have also been feeling fairly lost. It is strange to have such conflicting feelings. I feel like I have come such a long way in being content, that this lost feeling character rearing its head is throwing me off. It makes me question really how much I have grown or learned.

This may sound weird or maybe even narcissistic, but I often think I am hyper-self aware. I don’t know if those are even the right terms, but let me explain. I am aware when I am feeling some sort of way, mostly when it is a way I should not be feeling. For instance, I will be the first to admit when I am throwing my own pity party. I will literally laugh at myself, acknowledge that I am ridiculous, yet still hang out at this sad party for one. Countless times I am telling my sister “I feel like (insert feeling), I know that’s not true, but I just feel (insert feeling).” It is such circle that one can go round and round in. I don’t even let her talk! It is just me talking to myself with her listening, playing both sides of the conversation.  I wonder if not having this self-awareness would make life easier. It would allow me to actually call my sister for good ole’ advice instead of just ranting and knowing deep down that I am just a nut. Now writing this, I don’t even know if that made sense but I hope it did.

ANYWAYS, I guess this is all to preface the fact that I have been feeling lost, but I know I am not, yet I am going to stay in this lost fog until I decide to pull myself out. So if you need me that is where I will be. This is a different feeling of lost though. It is more lost incognito. When I go somewhere I have never been, by myself, I hate looking lost and like I do not know what I am doing. Therefore I try really hard to act like I know what I am doing. That is what this feels like this time. A subtle war in myself of convincing everyone else I know what I am doing, but maybe I am just trying to convince myself. I don’t like appearing like I am not alright, so the front goes up.

I feel like I am in a sort of transition. Almost like the seasons changing, I am half bleh and half really happy.

That is where I ended that rant. The last line stuck out to me though today about feeling in transition and the seasons changing. Because I was absolutely right about that. At this current point in time, I am not feeling lost, I am feeling content, and dare I say… happy? Yes I said it, I am feeling genuinely happy, but not without reason. Something has happened since I originally started this post. Something you will hear about soon enough. So for now just know, we are doing okay 😊… 👇🏼 … 👀

my cheeks should be burnt from the amount of times youve made me blush.

 

Trendy Cases with CaseApp!

WE INTERRUPT THIS CURRENT STATE OF CORONAVIRUS PANIC FOR THIS IMPORTANT SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT!

If you are like me, you like to accessorize with all aspects of your life. I won’t pick a phone case because it is practical. Being honest, if it is not cute, I am not going to buy it. Phones are something that have become a huge part of our lives. If it is something that is going to be on me almost 24/7, then I want it to reflect me and my personal style and I think that is okay!

I got the chance to partner with CaseApp and oh my goodness they have such cute cases! Also their selection is HUGE! Do you know how long it took me to decide on which one I liked best? A long time, I had like 8 in my cart 😅. But that is a good thing! I feel like so often at the phone store we settle for the cutest one we can find in that moment because we NEED a phone case when we buy a new phone. Well with CaseApp, you have the chance to get the one you love (or even customize one!).

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I think the thing I like the most though, is that you can choose between a “slim” case or a “tough” case, as well as matte or glossy. I am a clumsy person and drop things alll the time, so obviously I chose tough.

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If you are in the market for a new case I highly recommend CaseApp! Use my code THEBLAW20 for 20% off your order. I think I may end up starting a collection now and have a case for every occasion! These really make me want summer… if this rain ever ends.

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Okay back to your regularly scheduled programming, BYE!

Take a Chance On Me, In Person

I submitted this to Popsugar over a year ago and they didn’t publish it, so I might as well not let it go to waste. Read below to see my then and still struggle with the dating apps 🙃

(I actually have two others that haven’t been published, I am on a good streak with them… 0 published and 3 declined but who is counting? WE WILL NOT GIVE UP! But I will post the other two on here as well)

PS – I hope the title of this gets “Take a Chance on Me” by ABBA stuck in your head for three days. That is my gift to you if you get nothing else from this story. Okay now read:

Perhaps I have run out of eligible men that I already know that I would consider dating.

Take a Chance On Me, In Person – 10/30/18

I have had to come to a kind of surprising and possibly scary realization that never really mattered much until recently, where I have found myself 28 and single. The realization: I have never been on a real date. Now let me explain what I mean when I use the term “real date”. I have never been on a date with a guy that I did not previously know or was not already talking to. For example, I was in three long term relationships back to back. The first was a four and half year relationship which started in high school and ended in the middle of college. Our first date was on Valentine’s Day. He surprised me when I got off work and told me what restaurant we were going to, but that I had to drive because he was fifteen and did not have a license yet. It was romantic and innocent in the typical high school date fashion. My second long term boyfriend lasted around two years. Although I was in college, we knew each other from high school and used to help each other sneak into Spanish II late and undetected. Our first date was at Disneyland. My third and most recent long term relationship lasted just shy of four years. We were both two years out of college but kind of knew each other in college. Our first date was at Lazy Dog after weeks of texting. See the trend here?

I now find myself single and with no prospects. Perhaps I have run out of eligible men that I already know that I would consider dating. That leaves me with the great unknown dating world and to be honest, it terrifies me. I have so many questions and nerves. Where do you start? Where is a good place to meet good guys? How do you even talk to guys once you pry them out of their hiding spots? How do you know if they are psychos or not? My fears are never ending. I have noticed a pattern though. I have been single for 9 months now, so friends are starting to get curious if I am dating or ready to date yet. Almost every single one of them have asked, “Are you on the dating apps?” You know, all the free ones like Tinder, Bumble, Plenty of Fish, Coffee Meets Bagel, the list goes on and on. Even acquaintances and strangers, that is the first thing they ask when I say I am not seeing anyone. I immediately tell them, “No I am not online dating and I do not want to be part of that,” but now I am the curious one. Not curious to be on the apps, but whether or not the dating apps are the new norm for dating in today’s world?

I am starting to question if I have missed the entire era of good old fashion dating where you meet someone in person, feel a spark or some sort of interest, and the guy asks you out to dinner or drinks. Is this something that will only ever be remembered in movies and in tales of our parents telling us how it used to be in their day before evil technology took over the world? I have this burning urge to resist this new way, yet I am doing nothing to prove myself right. I keep telling myself that I want to give myself a chance on finding a date on my own before resulting to the dating apps. It is almost as if I have convinced myself that the apps are for giving up. They seem like the easy way out, letting them all come to you and weeding through the bad one liners.

What gets me the most confused is that in my head I have built up how against the dating apps I am, yet everyone who asks me if I am on them asks so with such normalcy. I cannot help but wonder if this is just what you do now. Not one friend or stranger that has asked me has done so with sarcastic tones or judgment in their voices. They have asked out of pure curiosity. I am the one pre-judging myself for even uttering or thinking the word “Tinder”. Yet again, I am not going out to try and find a date “the good old fashion way”. Instead I talk about it, make it sound like it could be fun, continue to dis the dating apps, and continue to not go out and meet people. At this rate I am going to die alone from sheer stubbornness all because I do not want to say I met my man online.

I am at a standstill, caught between hypocrisy and acceptance. Is there a right and wrong about the “correct” way to date, or is it more a battle of which is more effective rather than which is right? I know the pros to online dating, like not having enough time to “get out there” calls to me with all of my being, because who has the time to get ready and cast a line out there in anticipation that a good and (hopefully) attractive guy takes the bait? But as soon as I have a hint of wonder to download one of the apps, I think how much of a hypocrite I am being after badmouthing the act. I have come to the conclusion, to settle my mind on both sides, that I need to go out and give it a go at least once, evaluate the experience, and decide from there if I can handle it again, or if I want to take advantage of the apps as a tool and not a defeat. If this is the new norm, and everyone I talk to thinks it is normal to go on the apps, then maybe I am the one who is not normal and needs to get with the times.

30…

Hi guys! Been a minute. I think I start every post off that way lately but whatever. I haven’t written in a while and that is okay. So, uh, what has happened since my last post?  Well let’s see, happy new year, I still have braces, and oh yeah, I TURNED 30! Still unclear how I feel about it but due to the near mental breakdowns over the last two weeks, I’d say it is going swimmingly 🙃.

I don’t even know why it happened. It started the week of my birthday (my birthday was on a Friday) as I felt each hour passing over the death of my youth. Dramatic much? You don’t even know. But I was in a straight MOOD. I was not ready to let go of my twenties. In fact I have made the decision that I am not actually 30 until I get my braces off, but if we are talking technicalities here, I will humor you and we will say that I AM 30 right now. Anyways, 30 just seems so adult, and like me… I am not an adult. Adults have like spouses and/or kids and drama with their in-laws. Meanwhile I am over here single, yelling at Pilot Pete on The Bachelor to get rid of that crazy betch.

I don’t even know if this is classified as a meltdown, but I myself felt as if I was melting down. I was so grumpy and on the verge of tears. It was like the sky was falling and I couldn’t do anything to hold it up. But alas, Friday came and I turned 30 and I didn’t drop dead so I have that going for me. Two of my sisters and I tried to go to Emo Nite in LA on that night to celebrate the music of my youth and we didn’t get in so….. not sure what that means, but I got to smell what I can only assume was fresh urine on the steps leading us up to Sunset Blvd so we could walk into a bar to just sit and waste that last hour of parking we paid $25 for to go to a venue we couldn’t get into. BUT EVERYTHING IS FINE. *insert My Chemical Romance lyrics, “Trust me, I’M NOT OKAYYYY!”*

The day after the failed attempt at celebrating, we REALLY celebrated. We had a house party at my parents house for my birthday and it was SO FUN! We all got lit and played drinking games and I was completely hungover the next day.

Then came Monday (enter dark cloud stage left)… the start of the second meltdown. I had crippling anxiety ALL DAY. It was brought on by something so stupid and trivial and was a result of me overthinking like the psycho girl that I am, thinking that I ruined a situation THAT ISN’T EVEN A REAL SITUATION. I know I am being vague and cryptic, but all I can say is, know your place in a “non-relationship”. The anxiety lasted all day. I barely ate, all I wanted to do was crawl into a hole. This anxiety, although lessened, lasted all week. It was horrible. This week we are better. I still keep getting little waves of anxiety but small.

Is this 30? For the week that I have been 30 I can say that I am not impressed. Everyone says how great it is but I think they just tell you so you are less scared, or they are just excited you are about to join them in misery. Either or. Who me? Cynical? NEVER 😈.

This may have been a very confusing rant, but you know what? If this isn’t a representation of a melting down 30 year old then I do not know what is. Bring it on!

Little Notes

Do you utilize the notes app on your phone? I use mine constantly, especially when I do not have a pen and paper handy. I am a list maker. I THRIVE on lists. They get me going. So majority of my notes are lists. I also love that on the iPhone, you can invite other contacts and have collaborative notes… which I use for lists. Like Micaela (my sister) and I have a list of adventures we want to take in 2020, or we make packing lists together when we have events to go to.

The thing I am not great at is deleting my old notes. I was literally just scrolling through my notes looking for one in particular that I couldn’t find because I was too distracted by the smorgasbord of notes I have on this sucker. It is a mix of packing lists, Del Taco orders, and Instagram captions. LOOK AT THESE SCREENSHOTS!:

Packing list (from a concert in Sept… why on earth was a curling iron on there WHEN WE WERE DRY CAMPING?)

  • This sh*rt is bananas (an IG caption I was really excited about all because I bought a banana print shirt I have only worn once LOL)
  • MACHO BEEF BURRITO (a list that literally only had macho beef burrito, quesadilla, and soft taco because I was probably getting Del for the family and I apparently don’t have the memory capacity to remember those three items)
  • Britt’s Project X Research (this is slightly embarrassing but you know what?! This party will be off the chizzart!) ((okay I am cringing writing that but also I am here for it, and you better be there for it))
  • Feeling lucky?… (an IG caption I was real proud of FROM APRIL. Why is it still in there? Who knows)
  • Too much booty for one man to handle (I was trying to think of this song for so long, GOD KNOWS WHY, and then I remembered this line and had to write it down so I wouldn’t forget it again. OMG I am my father)
  • Lastly… (currently cringing even harder)… actual NOTES (aka pre written text messages)…. like my “break up” text to the last guy I was dating but we weren’t even official so is it really considered a break up? WHY DO I STILL HAVE THIS AWKWARD ASS NOTE ON MY PHONE?!

If someone scrolled through all of these my life would look like a mixture of Del Taco orders, caption ideas, wannabe emo quotes or thoughts to save for a rainy day, and break up texts / over thinking novel texts to boys who I am not really with. I have three pre-written messages to three different boys! WHO AM I? One was never going to allow himself to like me more than what we were. It was undeniably not a relationship, yet I was in denial that he actually liked me and that message was the straw that broke the camel’s back and brought the whole “ending” crashing down sooner than my delusional state was ready for. One was to a guy that was hinting hard he was into me and for reasons I cannot say, I had a message drafted just in case he didn’t understand the friend zone billboard I was throwing his way (thank God I never had to send that one), and the last was my “breakup text” because I was too much of a chicken to do it in person and also sought validation that a text was fine because we had only been dating about month and a half. MIND YOU let me add that his response, although agreeing that something was missing, ended with, “You are very pretty and have a great personality so I’m sure you’ll find a better match in no no time.” (insert clip from The Emperor’s New Groove): great-personality_emperors-new-grooveThe most basic response! But hey I took it and ran.

Anyways, I have no idea where this post is going. I was just scrolling through all the weird notes and was inspired by my strangeness LOL. Please tell me I am not alone in all of these secret messages stored on my tiny little device. If you have anything remotely similar please do share, this is a safe place ;).

Other than the fact I need to clean up my phone, nothing new to report here. Oh wait here is something, MY DAD TOLD ME YESTERDAY I SHOULD TRY ONLINE DATING. I am dead. This is where I end because he is probably afraid I am actually going to die alone. But more on that later.

Byeeeeee!

PS- like two days after he told me I should do online dating, I got spam mail from Silver Singles Online……. I AM NOT LOOKING FOR A SILVER FOX OMG LEAVE ME BE!

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LA Fashion and Sad Noodles

I don’t know if it is something in the air or not, but lately (actually more last week when I started writing this) I have been a sad noodle. I didn’t know what that fabulous phrase was until my little sister told me she was a sad noodle and continued to explain she meant meh, like in a funk. Then my other little sister said she was feeling meh so I graced her vocabulary with sad noodle. Now the three of us are sad noodles together, because being a sad noodle is at least better with other sad noodles. Okay I think I have said sad noodle enough times for you to want to use it too. 

I am not entirely sure why I have been meh, but I think I might have an idea. I came to the realization the other day that I’m not in a state of feeling left out, but a constant state of feeling left behind. This all circles back to the comparison trap. So many of my friends and people I know are moving on with their lives, getting married, buying houses, while I am doing none of the above. WHICH IS OKAY. I have to remind myself I am not them. It is just something that gets you down every now and then you know? This week I feel much more neutral about the whole thing. I have noticed the sad noodle phase comes after a really fun weekend when the high is gone. I think I will go into this more later when I can gather my thoughts better.

ANYWAYS it has been so long since I have done a style post. I find myself missing it. Maybe that is something that will help get me out of this bowl of sad noods, actually writing for fun again. My girlfriend Maria and I went to LA a few weeks ago to just be general basics and it was so fun! I made sure I made an “LA style” outfit. By that I mean something I’d want to wear but am not brave enough to wear just around anywhere. I feel like LA is where you can try any fashion out and literally no one cares. 

So I put together what I thought was kind of dressy and kind of edgy (I really dig these kinds of looks right now). I paired my leopard midi-dress under a tied up graphic tee and white booties. I was strangely excited to wear this outfit, it was totally out of my norm and I relished in it. It made me remember how much I love dressing up and making new looks. I am really hoping to create some actual content soon, thank you for being patient with me. 

Until then, enjoy the look and find the links below! The top is older so I am linking a few other graphic tees (I am OBSESSED with graphic tees right now who am I?!) 

Outfit linked here: Leopard Dress | Tee Alternative #1, #2, #3 | Boots (similar) | Purse (similar) | Sunnies

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