I have a serious addiction to Sex and the City. When I say serious I don’t just mean I love it, I mean I LOVE IT! I have watched the movie I don’t know how many times. I am watching it right now because it is on tv, which shouldn’t matter because I own the movie, but still I’m making us watch it. I blame my bfffff and my roomie for getting me into this. I just feel so fabulous when I watch and it makes me want to strive to be fabulous everyday. Not only do I love it because it is so into style and fashion, but I also love the friendship dynamic the four girls have AND I love how Carrie Bradshaw is a writer. I just want to be her. Can I please just move to Manhattan, dress expensive, and be a writer please? Thank you! The other reason I love watching the movie over and over again is since I know it by heart I can multitask while watching it, like writing this blog. It is good background for me, and good motivation to write so I can feel like Carrie Bradshaw. I know, I’m lame, but that’s okay!
I ❤ SATC
In the spirit of Halloween, I suppose it’s a good time to confess that I am a total Harry Potter nerd, like completely. I’ve read all the books, a few of them twice, and seen all of the movies countless times. I know almost all the lines, all of the characters, and everything. I told you, I am a nerd. I have reasons though. Obviously the entire series has an awesome storyline, but it is just the whole series as an art form that amazes me. J.K. Rowling is an artist and what she created truly is a masterpiece. She created an entire new world. Yes many authors do this with their stories, they draw you in and for a little time period you leave your troubles behind and fall into the words, but Rowling did this and kept it up for the entire seven book series, each book growing larger than the previous until the last few. I remember reading them when I was younger and feeling so proud of myself for finishing these large books, but in reality it was more like watching a movie in your head, that is how vivid Rowling wrote this story. This world she created had its own language, locations, its own schooling system, laws, law enforcement, everything. She stayed so consistent that after reading the books and the entire series you were pretty much fluent in this world as if it could be a real place. I admire her imagination and wish that I could think of something this detailed and to keep it going for so long. I would love to sit and pick Rowling’s brain to see how she wrote, did she plan, brainstorm, or just sit and write? Did she know how the story would end in the beginning or did she make it and change it as she went along? Again it just amazes me.
So yes, I am a serious Harry Potter nerd, a Potter Enthusiast if I had to label myself, and that’s okay with me!
You know when you’re younger you dream about your life when you’re older? You know, great friends, great relationship, great job, and a home? Well I often still day dream about being grown up and having all of these things, but then I have to wake up and realize that I am grown up. When we were younger we saw ourselves having these things because that is what adults have, or that is what we think. No one tells you really how hard it is. Sure your parents tell you that you have to work hard and we get that, but it is not just hard that you have to work, you have to work REALLY hard. Come November I have been working for ten years. TEN YEARS and I am only 25. Yes I started working when I was 15, and am I any closer to being able to own a home? NO! Sure I have a great job and I know it can pay me well in the future, but getting to that future is difficult when you make just enough to pay all your bills and maybe go out to dinner once with your friends or maybe buy yourself a little something. I do work hard and have been working hard. I am one of the few people I know of (or maybe even the only one I know of) that worked three jobs through college while balancing 18 semester units and still trying to have a college experience by being active and holding executive positions in a sorority. I get the working hard part. It is just sometimes hard for me to believe the hard work paying off part. I have the great friends and the great relationship, I even have a good job that just isn’t up to its full potential yet and I know with patience it will come (i HOPE). But sometimes it is nicer to stay in this day dream that it will come when I am older and pretend that I am not “older” yet, pretend that I don’t feel behind and that I have not been working so hard for ten years for nothing. Sometimes though, this day dream can be heavy. I’ll reflect back now and again and wonder why I have worked so hard? Why did I miss out on so much in college to work three jobs and to be at this point in my life and feel like I do not have much to show for it, except for a nice car that I only have because I totaled the car I paid off by working those three jobs? Life is tough and you have to work hard for it. It comes easier for some, but I have learned and am practicing that I cannot compare myself to others. Everyone is different and we have to grow in our own ways. I just keep telling myself that all of my hard work WILL pay off eventually. Until then, I’ll keep day dreaming and working towards eventually.
I have always known this about myself, I am a people pleaser. This trait can be a good thing and a bad thing, but for myself, since I have not addressed the issue early enough, it is becoming a bad thing. I care so much about what other people think that I do not think about myself enough. Why do I need to always put myself on the back burner? If someone in our group asks where we want to eat, why can’t I make a decision? I would rather go where everyone else wants even if it is a place I do not like. I can witness everyone saying their opinions and their answers and I just wonder why I cannot? Once you get into a habit like this it is hard to break. It is so embedded into my character and this is how people know me. Here is a simple example. My sister does hair and I have an appointment on Saturday. I am going back red and I am so excited. Well she sent me a picture on Instagram with a hair suggestion. It wasn’t really my style and I told her that it was more her than me. She responded another suggestion like doing something similar. All I wanted my answer to be was, “No I already know what I want.” How simple is that? I just didn’t respond, but if I would have I bet it would have been an overcompensating answer being super nice and sugar coating my “NO” so she wouldn’t be mad, when in reality she probably would not have even been mad. What is wrong with me?!
So my confession is that I am a huge people pleaser and my goal is to be more of a me pleaser. I want a say, an opinion, and a stance. This will be a challenge for me but I know I can change a little at a time.
Note: This is the first of my category Tragic Confessions. These will be confessions that are good, bad and funny. There may also be confession by others. Feel free to submit your Tragic Confessions to me to post by emailing firstname.lastname@example.org. These can be anonymous or you can be brave. You can also participate by using #tragicconfessions on Twitter! Follow me at @tragicgirls