Tragic Confession #2 – Heavy Day Dreaming 

You know when you’re younger you dream about your life when you’re older? You know, great friends, great relationship, great job, and a home? Well I often still day dream about being grown up and having all of these things, but then I have to wake up and realize that I am grown up. When we were younger we saw ourselves having these things because that is what adults have, or that is what we think. No one tells you really how hard it is. Sure your parents tell you that you have to work hard and we get that, but it is not just hard that you have to work, you have to work REALLY hard. Come November I have been working for ten years. TEN YEARS and I am only 25. Yes I started working when I was 15, and am I any closer to being able to own a home? NO! Sure I have a great job and I know it can pay me well in the future, but getting to that future is difficult when you make just enough to pay all your bills and maybe go out to dinner once with your friends or maybe buy yourself a little something. I do work hard and have been working hard. I am one of the few people I know of (or maybe even the only one I know of) that worked three jobs through college while balancing 18 semester units and still trying to have a college experience by being active and holding executive positions in a sorority. I get the working hard part. It is just sometimes hard for me to believe the hard work paying off part. I have the great friends and the great relationship, I even have a good job that just isn’t up to its full potential yet and I know with patience it will come (i HOPE). But sometimes it is nicer to stay in this day dream that it will come when I am older and pretend that I am not “older” yet, pretend that I don’t feel behind and that I have not been working so hard for ten years for nothing. Sometimes though, this day dream can be heavy. I’ll reflect back now and again and wonder why I have worked so hard? Why did I miss out on so much in college to work three jobs and to be at this point in my life and feel like I do not have much to show for it, except for a nice car that I only have because I totaled the car I paid off by working those three jobs? Life is tough and you have to work hard for it. It comes easier for some, but I have learned and am practicing that I cannot compare myself to others. Everyone is different and we have to grow in our own ways. I just keep telling myself that all of my hard work WILL pay off eventually. Until then, I’ll keep day dreaming and working towards eventually.

Raising Boyfriends 

I was talking to one of the ladies I work with this week about hanging out with our girlfriends and what we were going to be doing over the weekend. She said that it is hard for her to get with her group of girlfriends often because they are all married and have their own things going on. She is about twenty years older than me so I know that we are in total different times of our lives, but this got me thinking about my group of girls. We all have such a good relationship right now. Whenever we get together we have so much fun and we are in a group message together all day, every day. Out of the five of us there are two boyfriends and two husbands (my Roomie is still on her man hunt). What is so perfect about our group is that all of our guys get along. Usually when we all get together, us girls and the guys, the guys go off on their own and us girls do our thing.

This whole thought about our guys getting along was making me think about dogs and cats. They do not get along, but when you raise a kitten and a puppy together, they do not know they are supposed to hate each other because they grew up together. I feel like since we introduced our guys to each other at the young points of our relationships, that they are kittens and puppies right now. Before this past August we were all boyfriend and girlfriend, or I guess you could say finances as well, but no one was married. I consider the marriage part of relationships to be the adult part. So since we all knew each other and were hanging out in our kitten and puppy stages, I think that our group will just continue to grow together as all of our relationships grow and get older.

Right now two out of the five of us are married, another two are in serious relationships, and the last is still searching, but she hasn’t lost hope. She told us how happy she is that she has four great examples of what a healthy relationship is, and now knows what she wants in a man. One important quality is that he gets along with the rest of the guys. Looking at our group, I do not think we will have an issue once all of us are married. I think that since we have “raised” our boys together since they were “kittens and puppies” that we will be just fine. There is not going to be any of that her husband doesn’t like so and so’s husband so we cannot invite them. We all just get along and it is easy.

So one day, twenty years from now, when I am in the time of my life that my co worker is now, I hope that our group is still the same, and that we get together as often as we do. I hope that the guys will actually refer to each other as friends and not think of each other as their wife’s friend’s husband. I hope that all of our future kids will be close like us and get along like they are actually cousins. Time will only tell, but thinking about the time of our lives that we are in right now excites me. Big things are starting to happen to us all. Two of us are married, two of us in the next few years will be next, my roomie will be following close behind, and once we have all experienced all of each others weddings together, we will start sharing a new time of our lives consisting of babies and a whole lot of firsts. Not only will we be sharing clothes with each other, we will be handing down baby clothes and advice. Our puppies and kittens will have grown up into men, fathers, and friends who have backyard barbecues, watching the kids run around, while us girls sit together talking about everything and everyone, as usual. That sounds like a pretty perfect future.