2018… What A Year

This year has come to a close so quickly. I thought this year would go by slower because we weren’t counting down to anything. Last year my sister was getting married so I had her bridal shower in April, her bachelorette party in May, and in June we all went to Mexico for a week for the wedding. Best vacation I have ever been on, I still miss it and think about it constantly. But all of those exciting things made half of the year go by so fast. Then when fall hits, the holidays follow closely behind and boom it is a new year. I thought since we had no big events to countdown to this year, it would go by slower. I was so wrong. I think this year may have been even faster than last.

It is no secret that my 2018 started off terribly. For those who don’t know, to put it shortly, I got dumped in the end of January (the 28th to be precise because I am a psycho girl and remember everything) and I lived with the guy. By March I moved in with my sister and I have been here since. It was a rough transition. It was a rough time of my life in general. Losing someone because they CHOSE to not choose you anymore is a whole different kind of hurt. Hours I spent in my car (not by choice, but the move tripled my commute) thinking of all the ways I went wrong or what I should have done differently, or how he just didn’t want ME or how maybe I wasn’t good enough (if you want the raw feelings of those days read this post from May). To see me now from where I was then, I have grown a lot. Some days are still bad but in different ways, I am still growing and learning. I have since learned and realized that what we had was not what I wanted, but what I hoped would change into what I wanted. I have learned that I should not have to make excuses for the emotion that was lacking, or the needs that were not being met. I have realized how much I actually need simple signs of affection and am deserving of that. I am coming to find out that it is okay to be picky and to be myself because I want someone who wants all parts of me (including the weirdo and including the psycho).

Something I have probably suffered from most this year was comparing myself to my friends and family and feeling left out because I am the only single one now. What is funny though is that this is all me because no one has left me out for being single (maybe that is one of this biggest things I have learned this year, that I am literally my own worst enemy and the biggest critic in the whole dang world). My friends still all include me of course, and nothing is really different except that I don’t have a date to things. But it is not like all my friends are the types of PDA couples who are all lovey dovey all of the time. I am so thankful that Heather’s boyfriend has just grown accustomed to me being their third wheel LOL! They even call their spare bedroom my room (you guys are da best and I love being your roomie/extra date 😉 ). I just need to work on feeling confident with where I am in life right now.

It was hard to go from where I was, to being single and renting a room from my sister because I can’t afford to live in the same city, let alone county, as my job (I am also letting my age play a huge factor in my expectations which is just silly but yeah). I would have to constantly remind myself that this was not permanent, it was just my current situation that I was working through. Not that I was embarrassed by it, but I felt like I had taken so many steps back. So far back that I was living back in the town I had left. But no one has judged me for it. Most people understand because California is so freaking expensive to live in alone. But since moving, I have come to terms with my current situation and I am okay. I know there is nothing wrong with it, and I get to live with my sister, who is one of my best friends, and get to be here while my niece is young and get to watch her grow and be a role model for her. Things could be worse, but they aren’t. I am with family and I am safe.

Now for some good things (sorry, I didn’t expect this to be a novel but I guess it is going to be). I hadn’t been single for a long time span IN A LONG TIME. After getting over the whole bad part about it, I started getting excited about the good. I had and still have no one to answer to. If I want to go do something I can do it, and I do! I wanted to focus more on my stuff, like this blog, and I have, AND IT SHOWS. All of my friends have told me what a difference they have seen in my work and content, and just being creative in general. I do this because I love it and I want to make something out of it. Having some real focus and time has made a world of difference (plus he-who-must-not-be-named didn’t really support my blog and thought it was dumb *GASP!*). [sidebar: it still amazes me how we can finally be at a point where we recognize all of the bad things and the red flags we ignored yet still miss them sometimes. Is it them we miss or just the time and the “comfort”?]

I don’t know how many times I just left for the weekend and went to Palm Springs to be with Heather. Or the three or more times I went to Vegas to visit my sister Tab, or the random times I call up Cher and ask her to hang out because it literally takes two minutes to drive to her house. I have freedom to be me right now and I am really starting to enjoy it. I cannot wait to really take advantage of it next year. 2018 was all about healing and learning. I think 2019 will be about learning and experiencing. I am ready to have fun, have adventures, learn and grow. What I am most excited about is all of this exciting stuff and tying it to my blog. It is all Tab and I have been able to talk about, all of the new things we want to do in 2019 writing and content creating wise. Which is why you may think it is funny that I am so excited for my blog in 2019 and I am taking the entire month of January off *insert puzzled face*.

I will still be around on Instagram, and using my captions as a form of writing and keeping you up to date, but I need a month to focus on something completely different. There is some studying for a course I need to get done that I have had for some months now, but I always choose to blog instead of study because obviously that is way more fun. I have three books I need to get through and I am not even half way through the first. My goal is to finish the first book by the end of January (or earlier if possible), then I will hopefully be in such a studying groove that I can bring back blogging in February and still finish the second book by the end of Feb, then finish the third by March (I will tell you what I am doing once I am done haha). I am thinking I will come back to the blog on my birthday, Feb. 7th, since that is kind of like my new year, right? Plus once I have this studying complete I will have even more time to focus on the blog.

Okay I will end here since this is getting lengthy, I hope you have made it this far! I am excited for tonight. I have NEVER been this excited for a new year but I am ready to take it on. I will post my resolutions/goals for the new year tomorrow and then I am out for the month! If I end up doing really well with studying maybe I will reward myself with a post, but let’s be honest, this stuff is boring so I don’t see rewards in my future. But here is to wishful thinking and no sleep!

Happy New Year’s Eve everyone! Be safe and talk to you next year!

Cheers! -Britt

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Yes I was this extra and made my sister take this photo yesterday so I would have it ready. BUT ISN’T IT THE CUTEST?!

Look linked here! Dress | Heels | Champs (Costco 😉 )

27 Years

Well Brittany, welcome to 27. How strange is it that I am in my late 20’s? It doesn’t feel right to me for some reason. This past Saturday my boyfriend, one sister, friends, and I went to Lazy Dog for my birthday and on the way there all of these thoughts were going through my head like what am I doing with my life? I feel like I am at a time in my life where it is hard to not compare myself to my friends. We are all mostly the same age yet half are married, some have already bought a house, and even having babies now. As for me, I share a one bedroom apartment with my boyfriend and we are no where near getting engaged, but rather trying to stay afloat so we can make a life for ourselves… eventually. I feel like that is my go to word, “well it will happen, eventually”. It is easy to fall into the down feeling of things not going the way you thought they were. I think that is the problem, we, or at least I, had and still have all of these expectations of how my life would go and it is just not happening.

What made me feel better about this was finally opening up to a couple of my girls and realizing that they felt the same but in their own ways. Talking about it helped and the fact that we now constantly remind each other that it just isn’t our time. My bfffff posted a good blog the other night called Timeline, and she used this quote (I am not sure where she got it from):

Remember that the timeline of your love life will always be the right timeline for you. Who cares if your one friend got married at 24 or your other friend got engaged at 29 or your sister had her first baby at 31. Remember that whichever way your life works out is the exact way it is supposed to work out.

I keep reminding myself that I am unique and I do not want to be like everyone else. The time for my life to fall together in the way I want it to is coming. I have to trust in God’s timing, be patient, and be happy for what I have because truly I am very fortunate. I have a loving family, the most perfect sisters in the world, a boyfriend that I love and I know I want to spend my life with, and the most amazing best friends. I truly do have it all when I think about it. So here is to turning 27. I want this to be the year I MAKE things happen, not just WAIT for them to happen.

2016 Year End Wrap up

I think that 2016 has been one of the fastest years yet, at least for me. It honestly feels like it was just New Years and I was at one of my best friend Amanda’s house (aka Glitter It Gold) playing Cards Against Humanity and siping on cocktails all night. Now it is December and we are about to start a whole new year. Why did this year go by so fast? I think a big reason why is because some big things happened. The biggest of all was my boyfriend joining the National Guard.

We live together so I am with him everyday. He went and tested in February and when he came home to tell me how it went he said he was leaving in the middle of April for training. It was so fast! First started the countdown to him leaving so that made time go quick, then came the countdown of him coming back. We had to get everything ready for when he was gone. Our lease in our apartment was going to end in the middle of his training and we were not renewing, so I had to pack us all up and move everything out and live with my sister for the last month. Thank God my other best friend literally helped me pack my entire apartment, I couldn’t have done it without her. My dad, his friend, and my boyfriend’s mom all came on the day of the move to get us out of there. That move was such a huge stress on top of the stress of him being gone at training. He was gone for three and a half months with our only communication through writing letters. It felt like a movie waiting for a letter from him. There was the occasional phone call but since he got to call at weird times I missed quite a few and was so sad and depressed after it. When we finally did get to talk on the phone it was short, one time was literally 23 seconds. Finally though we had a couple good calls, 30 minutes, then they had their family day that he got his phone the whole weekend! (I am not a horrible girlfriend, I didn’t go to family day because I was all set to come out for graduation, and out as in all the way to Georgia).

Finally August came and he came home! Two days after he returned we moved into our new place in Fullerton. I am really grateful for my month at my sisters, it was great to see her every day and to really bond with my niece more (we slept together every night!). Also during his training I had one of my other best friends, Theresa’s, bridal shower and bachelorette party. Luckily while he was gone I had so many events on the weekends that I didn’t have much time to be home alone and bored.

As I said, he came back and we moved into our new apartment the first week of August. Then the next weekend we had Theresa’s wedding (now I have three married best friends! Crazy!) AND THEN Theresa got me an interview at her now old job and I got hired! I absolutely love my job, it’s already been almost four months!

So this year probably felt fast because it had some big things. I am grateful for it all but I am also excited to see what 2017 holds. I want to make new goals and I want to still reach old ones. I will have my resolutions up soon. I hope you all had a great year as well!

Reflection on 2015

Being that we are already five days into 2016, I think it is time that I finally reflect on 2015. I was reading everyone else’s reflections and almost wasn’t going to do one, until I realized just how much stuff happened in the past year. It is funny how a year can go by so fast yet when you think back, so much is crammed into that time. Sometimes something that happened can seem so long ago and you forget that it all happened within a year. 2015 seemed busy like any other full of ups and downs, however for my family and I, had quite a few deeper downs than usual. We started the year off with my grandma passing away. She lived a very long and fulfilled life with six children who all got married and had their owns kids. Although hard, we knew she was happy. Soon after though I got to see one of my best friends get married and it was so beautiful. Their love is just so beautiful and their relationship with God truly inspires me still. After that I had one of the funnest birthday celebrations I have had, bar hoping in Huntington Beach with all of the people I love.

Everything seemed normal for awhile, just living with my roomie, working, and blogging. Then we found out our Nana was now sick with stomach cancer and dementia. It seemed to happen and progress so fast. She had a successful surgery removing everything, however they are still concerned about the microcells, so we will still see when she goes to the Dr. this month. Having her not remember is hard. All while handling this my bfffffff was going through practically the same thing with her family. At least we truly had an understanding of this and didn’t have to do it alone. Her family is my family and vice versa.

In between this hectic time, my roomie and I moved out of our apartment, she into her parents house for a very short while, and I moved in with my boyfriend. Although it was bitter sweet to leave our apartment, it was exciting to start a life here with him (except for the fact that our place isn’t that big and I just cannot handle the closet space! But that is all part of the experience right? I mean I am sure tons of people use the linen closet in the bathroom as their second closet. Am I right? No, just me?) Just as everything got settled, my roomie found out that she was getting promoted to Vegas! How cool is that?! I was so excited for her and still am, it was and still is hard though because I miss her. I talk to her everyday but I used to see her everyday and now I haven’t seen her in a few months.

Shortly after this my family was hit with more illness. Since I know that she wouldn’t want this discussed all I can say is we had more cancer in someone very close. It was a miracle that they caught it so early and have gotten it all out. The Dr. says that there should be no follow up treatment, praise the Lord! Oddly again, my bfffffff goes through something again similar yet different (I know that sounds strange but it is not my place to give details).  By this time it really just felt like the saying “When it rains it pours.” That is what it felt like, and sometimes it is hard to remember the good with all of the bad. But good things need to be praised no matter how small.

I almost forgot! Somewhere up in-between all of this, I can’t remember exactly when, our mom moved closer to us, like 13 miles from me, and I have seen her more in the last six or seven months than I have in the last ten years. You can imagine how great that is! Although she still has a ways to go, she is moving up slowly.

Despite all of the bad that happened this year I wouldn’t describe this past year as bad. Everything happens for a reason and although we cannot understand why sometimes, God has a plan for everything. Through all of this I have been getting closer with my family. The year did end off with something great though. My bffffff’s sister and husband had their baby. What better way to end than with a new life of a beautiful baby? I am thankful for the past year, but I am so excited for this new year and for all of the new things to come. If you missed it, check out my post before last New Year, New Blog, New Resolutions to see what all I am so excited about, one of which my blog name changing!

I hope you all had time to reflect on this past year. Don’t forget to be thankful for everything that has happened and that you are here, alive today! Here is to a new year and a new start!

 

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