I am not quite sure why, but so often when I think of you, the image of you with crimped hair and your metallic silver Britney Spears and/or Christina Aguilera costume pops in my head. Just a fun fact 😉
I wanted to let you know how much I have been enjoying hanging out with you. I keep thinking about the one night we confessed to each other that we both thought neither one of us wanted to hang out with the other. I always thought I was too lame for you, and you thought you were too wild for me. Maybe we are actually just the perfect balance we both need.
I don’t think we really think about how much younger siblings can teach us. We as older sibs think it is all on us, but these last couple months, I am learning from you and I want you to know that. You have showed me that it is okay to get messy and let loose and I mean this in the best possible way. I have spent so much of my time striving for perfection. It gets to the point where I feel like I cannot do anything “out of line” without someone making it into some kind of deal. But these last couple months where we have just let loose, acted goofy, and have had fun, have been AMAZING! You are one of the few people I can be fully myself with with absolutely no judgements. I can tell you my craziest thoughts and you are there for it.
You are teaching me to stop apologizing because I am an overly apologetic person with no real reason to be. Multiple times you have told me, “don’t say sorry, you have done nothing wrong”. The pressure we can put on ourselves of right and wrong can be so overbearing, but you are reminding me to not be so judgmental of myself and my actions.
You are also teaching me to not care so much what others think, although I believe this is something we all struggle with. When we are together though, I think we are good at reminding each other that WHO CARES?
I want you to know how amazing you are. It is still weird to think I can go out and drink with you, but here we are, both adults. Know you have this confidence around you that I envy and I can feel when I am with you. It radiates around you and is infectious. I strive to be even an ounce as confident as you are when we are together. You walk proudly up, are not afraid to talk to people, or to take chances. I hope to be like you one day.
Also know you have grown into such a beautiful woman. I often look at our current photos together and am just amazed. Not amazed that you are beautiful, we all knew you would grow into a breathtaking woman, but to have that memory of your cute crimped hair to you now it’s just like damn, look at her.
Last thing to know, you are so loving. I can see all the love you have to give. From your selflessness you give to your friends, to the love for your family, your special bond with me and the sisters, and the love you have for your man. I can see the way you look at him, yearn for him, and take care of him. You’re so full of love, don’t ever lose that, and know you are deserving of the exact same love from everyone you give it to.
None of us are perfect. We strive to be, but we are only human. It is okay to make mistakes and to also give ourselves a break from the tiresome journey to be constantly put together. I love being “messy” with you. I say messy in quotes because we are not messy, but when we let loose, it is some of my favorite times. To be genuinely us. To quote Spongebob Squarepants in a bar, even if dad scolds me that I will never find a man doing that. To drinking in the parking lot at the bar and then walking a mile to the other bar just to save a few bucks. To dishing out bean and cheese burritos at 3 in the morning and then crying into them because of how hungry we were and the thankful thoughts that these burritos may actually save our lives. To being hyperaware of where we both were at all times at Stagecoach because we can’t stand the thought of something happening to one of us. You are still my baby sister and I have this mama bear urge to protect you always.
You are one of my best friends and I love you so much, and I am so sorry for ever making you feel like I didn’t want to be around you. I will always be here for you, remember that. Just as you don’t judge me, I am not here to judge you. I will always listen and try to give advice when I can, admit when I can’t, or even just be there to be silent with. I’ve got you always. Everything happens for a reason and in God’s time, and there has to be one for why He wanted us close now. All I know is I never want to let this go.