A Tragic Short- The Family Junk Yard

Being tragic runs in my family which makes me feel better that it is not just me. It turns out all of my sisters are also tragic, more some than others, and even my dad, even though he won’t admit it. Well two of my sisters and I decided to prove the whole “bad things happen in threes” saying in the best way possible, with our cars.

Exhibit A:
My younger sister was driving to her friends house one night. She had a red 1994 Ford Escort Wagon legit with automatic seat belts. She was at a stop light sitting behind a Mercedes when the light turned green. Everyone started going including my sister, then everyone stopped, not including my sister. She was barely going and hit the back of the Mercedes. Nothing happened to the Mercedes but my sister got a totaled car and an airbag to the face.

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Three weeks later…

Exhibit B:
My youngest sister was driving to school in her red 1991 Jeep. She started going over the bumps in the center line so went to correct herself. She somehow over corrected and swerved to the right, then went to correct that and swerved to the left, then over corrected again and swerved to the right resulting into her going over the curb, plowing over hedges, and crashing into a tree. Actually going a good speed this sister needed an airbag but her jeep didn’t have them and she smacked her head on her steering wheel. Thankfully she was okay, but that tree gave no cares and was perfectly fine but the jeep became totaled car number two.

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Two weeks later…

Exhibit C:
I was driving in my blue 2009 Toyota Corolla to my boyfriend’s house after work. I was on the freeway in the fast lane going probably around 70 mph. There was a lot of cars but it was a constant flow, not stop and go traffic. All of a sudden I see the small car in front of the van in front of me swerve to the left and then the van just came to a dead stop so fast that I couldn’t stop fast enough. I crashed right into the van. When I looked up I just saw my hood completely bent up and no airbags. Come to find out later my car had a recall for airbags so they should have gone off, they were just defected. Anyways this was totaled car number three.

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You can imagine how freaked out our parents were. Three totaled cars all within a month an a half. I wonder what our neighbors thought when one crashed car was sitting out front after another. Thus became the not so funny joke of the family junk yard.

Psycho Girl Tendencies

There are certain things that most psycho girls do and may not even realize it. See if any of these are your own psycho girl tendencies:

1. Telling your best friend that you’re going to “unlike” a picture that you already liked, because of course you’ve already liked it. She is your best friend, by law you must like all of her pictures. Anyways, you tell her that you’re going to “unlike” the picture, then “like” it again, then “unlike” it again to see if she gets a notification.

Doing this you are preparing yourself for plausible deniability, since you just impulsively liked a guys picture and instantly regretted it.

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2. Telling your best friend that you’re going to “unfollow” her on Instagram, then request to follow her again, and then cancel that follow request to see if she gets a notification.

You just decided, after convincing yourself it was a good idea, that it was too soon or too creepy to request to follow.

“I don’t want him to know that I know that he has a girlfriend yet!”

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3. When he hasn’t texted you back yet, you check to see if he is “texting” back yet.

If he is texting back you get all excited and stare and wait. If it is taking a long time you get even more excited because you know it’s going to be a long text. Then when the awaited text finally arrives it’s a rather short response and you’re disappointed that it’s short, but the reality is that boys just can’t spell so all that time you thought he was typing a love novel to you, he is really trying to figure out which form of “there” and “your” to use.

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4. You check to see who comments on his Facebook statuses. If it’s a girl of course you casually check out her page.

“Who is this whore?! Oh, it’s his cousin, she looks pretty.” (sigh of relief)

5. You make “half” jokes to bring up topics or ask a question you’re afraid to straight out ask.

Like when you’re in the “unofficial” stage and you want to make sure he is only dating you. Instead of asking “are you only seeing me?” you say, while he is texting someone else in front of you, “Who are you texting, your other girlfriend?” in a funny, sarcastic, eye roll way, and wait for him to say “no I am only with you.”

6. You text vomit your best friend even though she hasn’t replied back yet.

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7. Over thinking text messages. You go a week of great, constant texting then one day he is short because he is busy and suddenly you think that he is breaking up with you.

“He didn’t use an emoji, he hates me!”

You all know that you do at least one of these tendencies. Let me know what your other psycho ones are!

A Tragic Short- Hubba Hubcap

My sister and I were driving home from somewhere, I don’t remember from where, but she was behind me. After I passed the street where she would be turning she called me. When I answered she told me that my hub cap just rolled off. Are you serious?! This had already happened before and I had to drive around all ghetto with one hubcap for awhile. Anyways, she told me she would pick it up for me because I had just gotten on the freeway. What a nice sister.

The next week, after driving around ghetto yet again, I went over to my sister’s to visit and to get my hubcap. We were watching a movie and her boyfriend went to go put my hubcap back on. After a few minutes he calls us from down at my car and says that it’s not the right hubcap. My sister said what do you mean it isn’t the right hubcap? I asked her if she picked up the one that she saw fall off? She told me yes she did… after she went to Target. She said that it had to be the right one, it even had a Toyota emblem on it. I turned and looked at her. My hubcaps didn’t have a Toyota emblem on them. She looked confused and said but you have a Toyota. I told her yes I do but my hubcap fell off before and I got all new ones that didn’t say Toyota. I could tell she was trying to hold in her laugh. All of a sudden we started busting up laughing. That is true sister love when she picks up someone else’s hubcap off the side of the street for you.

I have now graduated to a new car with rims. Problem solved.

You’re My Best Friend… On Snapchat

A huge app that many people have and enjoy today is Snapchat. This app is used for many different reasons, but I won’t go into that. Use your imagination. For my girlfriends and I, we use it to amuse ourselves and pass time at work. For example, sending five snaps in a row of yourself making different faces just to make sure we understand how bored you are. Sometimes my sisters and I will even have a competition back and forth of who can have the most chins. You know, all in good fun.

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The makers of Snapchat added what they thought was a great feature: Snapchat Best Friends. This is convenient when you always send snaps to the same three people. You don’t have to scroll down and find their names every time, they are right there on top. You can even tap on your friend’s names and see who their three best friends are. What a great idea! Let me check how many people’s best friend list I am on. Of course I am one of my boyfriend’s, he just loves me.

Wait.

Hang on…

Who is XOHotMama and why the hell is she one of my boyfriend’s best friends?!

Who has been asked by their boyfriend or girlfriend who their Snapchat Best Friends were? My boyfriend asked me as a joke but I think there was some real curiosity behind it. He told me that I had more guys than girls as my best friends. After he said that I told him that one was gay and the other was my niece’s dad. His only response was “oh”. I have had a few friends though where a real argument started over who they were snap chatting. This comes down to whether or not you trust your boyfriend or girlfriend. Especially with the reputation associated with Snapchat since the photos delete after you open them.

I am not saying that Snapchat is a bad thing. I use it all the time. I just think that it is interesting how another part of social media can have such an effect on our relationships.

Okay-Ok-K

There is a certain small word that can not only change the intended or unintended meaning of a text, but also makes us girls totally freak out. This word is OKAY and its various forms as OK and the infamous and hated K. How is it that we have created such different meanings out of a word that simply expresses approval or acceptance? In reality OKAY, and both of its shorter versions, should all share the same meaning. However, us girls have taken it upon ourselves to create our own meanings, and yes I say us and our because we all know we have done it.

So what do these tiny words mean now in a world of texting? OKAY and OK in my eyes personally mean the same. I don’t think anything different of the two. I myself always use the form OK. The only time this word would set off an alarm for me would be if the person I am texting usually uses the form OKAY and replied with an OK instead. Then I would know that something is up. The biggest culprit of this topic though is the single letter K. The subtext of this letter is significantly longer than the word itself, if you can even consider it a word. Guys use this as a response in two ways, both of which drive girls crazy and instantly make us snap.

The first way that guys use this dumb little letter in a text is when they are being lazy. Yes why don’t you shorten an already short word. Do you guys realize how lazy that makes you look? If you are a frequent OK user this means that you literally cut a two letter word into a single digit. This does not do well on defending your literacy.

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The other way guys use this word is deliberately. Some of you know what this word does to us girls and that’s why you do it. It’s like lighting a fuse on dynamite. For the guys that are just lazy, you not only freak us out, but you are plain irritating. However for the those of you who use this word on purpose, you are cruel. When we see this word K as a response it sends us girls over the edge. Why do we get this reaction from such a tiny word? It is because we have absolutely no idea what you’re are feeling in your response so the first feeling we jump to is anger. You write K and instantly we assume you’re mad. At first we are mad too just for the fact that you wrote it, but then we start to think. That’s the problem with girls’ minds, we over think everything. Then this leads back to my discussion about us girls turning psycho because of text messages we can’t understand. Now that you’re probably mad, because obviously are or you would have had the decency to send the O along with your K, we must now think back on everything that has happened since we last saw you and figure out what we did to make you upset. This task is not easy. A girl’s mind is like a microscope. If we are over analyzing the letter K just imagine everything else we over analyze. We will obsess over this letter until we know that you are not mad at us by either over nicely texting you showing you how not mad we are, going over to see you so that we can see with our own eyes that you are not mad, or doing the worst and asking you and starting a nothing argument.

When girls find out that this response was out of shear laziness we have mixed emotions of anger and relief. Angry that we waisted so much energy and stress analyzing an imaginary situation, and relief that we did nothing wrong. But the guys that purposefully use this response as a weapon, girls go even more crazy over. This generally happens when you are already in an argument. What makes this worse is that the guy is actually mad and he knows the way to make you just as mad is to tell you K. This usually occurs when us girls are trying to make nice at the end of the fight.

“Okay so I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”- “K”

“Well good night”- “K”

“I’ll text you later”- “K”

They know that you feel guilty and they prey on it to leave you cringing that he is still upset when he probably doesn’t even care anymore. Shame on you guys.

The lesson here for everyone, guys and girls, is to just add an O whenever you feel like saying K. Bring some relief to everyone and spare a night of reliving the past couple days in hope that you don’t find anything that could have made the other mad. Okay? Ok.

Guys I’m curious to know how you feel when a girl responds K?

Baptizing of the Dress

My roomie and I have a box that has been sitting in our “dining room” since we moved in in May. I say “dining room” with quotes because we have lived here since May and still have no table to dine at. Anyways this box is full of our clothes that we want to donate. We say every weekend that we will take it but it still hasn’t happened. That is okay though because we keep adding to it and cleaning out our closets.

While thinking about my closet I decided that I was going to add a certain dress to that box. I only wore it once, in Vegas, with my ex. Since then it has been hiding in the back of my closet trying to avoid me getting rid of it like everything else that is associated to him. Tonight I grabbed it and told my roomie that it was going in the box. Looking at it I forgot how cute it really was. She agreed and said that she really liked it. Then I realized that I have absolutely no pictures in this dress. It’s practically a virgin! We decided that since there are no pictures and no proof that I ever wore it that I can wear it again and make new associations with it. But first I told her that it needed to be baptized!

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My roomie runs to her bathroom sink and starts splashing water on my dress saying over and over again “I baptize you!” Then we cheered! My dress is all good as new and now hanging in the front of my closet. You know you have a good roomie when she is willing to baptize the ex out of your Vegas dress. Thank you roomie! I love you!

Tragic Titles

Continuing on with my psycho girl discussion, let’s talk about titles, as in relationship titles. Why is it that whether or not having a title on our relationships affects how psycho we are? I experienced this before my boyfriend made us official, my BFFFF experienced it with her old guy, and my roomie is now currently experiencing it. This is a common phenomenon which actually made me feel better about my own psycho thoughts knowing that it happens to others. I realized that when there is no title girls feel no security. Sure you can be “exclusive” and only be dating each other, but that title makes a huge difference for girls. Without it we get those thoughts that yes he is dating me, but what if an opportunity arises with another girl and he thinks “hmmm we technically aren’t boyfriend and girlfriend.” We have all had those thoughts. Please do not forget that that is the crazy talking.

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It really is amazing how much of a difference a title can make. It changes the “he is not texting me back. What is he doing? Is he with another girl? Is he getting drunk around other girls?” into “my boyfriend isn’t texting me back because he is probably playing his video game,” like mine is doing right now. As girls we are possessive. We want him to be ours and we want to know that he is ours. We don’t want to deal with the guessing of whether or not he is ours. I hate the whole “What are we?” thoughts. When you are in that part of your relationship everyone seems to remind you that you aren’t official by asking you every time they see you, “is he your boyfriend yet?”, “are you two official yet?” You are only stressing your fellow sister out with these questions. This stage is awkward enough to be in, especially with introductions. What are you supposed to say, “um hi, this is the guy I am dating but he isn’t my boyfriend yet Dave.” The guys don’t know how to introduce you either so they go with what they think is right which is actually totally wrong and sends girls spiraling into an internal psycho tantrum by saying, “Hey this is my friend Jen.” FRIEND?! Oh no he did not just call you his friend. Honestly he doesn’t mean it like that, but he has no clue what he just started in your head which will potentially be an argument later on of you telling him that he just considers you friends, and he will not even remember the event of introducing you as that.

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Ladies as much as you can, try to keep the crazy in of how you feel not having a title. If you want that title he cannot know how psycho you are. Remember, let a little psychoness out at a time, guys cant handle it all at once. As for the title, don’t let it stress you out more than it should. Sure it’s okay to stress out about it if you’ve been dating forever and he hasn’t made it official. Sometimes guys just don’t realize that they are slacking. This is when you can let a little smidgen of psycho show and have the “what are we?” talk. This way you either corner him into making you his girlfriend, or you’ll know if that is even his intention or if you are wasting your time. Be strong girls and be openly psycho in small doses.