#boyslogic- “because it bugs you”

Lately I have been going crazy thinking that my boyfriend doesn’t want to kiss me anymore or doesn’t like to. I mean it is like breaking his arm to get a kiss hello! When I finally get one it is like not meaningful at all. This has been seriously bothering me. I keep thinking I did something wrong, or maybe I try to kiss him too much and he wants his space?

That must be it, I am kissing him too much.

That’s okay, I can lay off.

I mean even though I don’t want to.

But like who doesn’t like kissing?

Let alone, who doesn’t like kissing me?

It’s okay, next time I see him I will let him kiss me first.

Alright I’m here! Just waiting for my kiss…

…Still waiting…

Boyfriend: “What are you making for dinner?”

WHAAAAT?! He asks me what I am making for dinner and he hasn’t even given me a kiss hello yet?! (metaphorical steam coming out of my ears- imagine it)

Fine. You want freaking DINNER?! I’ll make it, but not happily! I’ll show him an unhappy dinner. Frozen, cardboard, pizza crap!

Then he says: “You don’t even kiss me anymore.”

I just stare at him. ARE YOU KIDDING?!

The next week we went to Target to grocery shop and I waited for my kiss. He didn’t give me one first so I decided ill just get one myself. So I do. Then complain that he doesn’t like to kiss me anymore. He put’s his arm around me and says, “No, I just do it because it bugs you.”

#boyslogic

Tragic Titles

Continuing on with my psycho girl discussion, let’s talk about titles, as in relationship titles. Why is it that whether or not having a title on our relationships affects how psycho we are? I experienced this before my boyfriend made us official, my BFFFF experienced it with her old guy, and my roomie is now currently experiencing it. This is a common phenomenon which actually made me feel better about my own psycho thoughts knowing that it happens to others. I realized that when there is no title girls feel no security. Sure you can be “exclusive” and only be dating each other, but that title makes a huge difference for girls. Without it we get those thoughts that yes he is dating me, but what if an opportunity arises with another girl and he thinks “hmmm we technically aren’t boyfriend and girlfriend.” We have all had those thoughts. Please do not forget that that is the crazy talking.

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It really is amazing how much of a difference a title can make. It changes the “he is not texting me back. What is he doing? Is he with another girl? Is he getting drunk around other girls?” into “my boyfriend isn’t texting me back because he is probably playing his video game,” like mine is doing right now. As girls we are possessive. We want him to be ours and we want to know that he is ours. We don’t want to deal with the guessing of whether or not he is ours. I hate the whole “What are we?” thoughts. When you are in that part of your relationship everyone seems to remind you that you aren’t official by asking you every time they see you, “is he your boyfriend yet?”, “are you two official yet?” You are only stressing your fellow sister out with these questions. This stage is awkward enough to be in, especially with introductions. What are you supposed to say, “um hi, this is the guy I am dating but he isn’t my boyfriend yet Dave.” The guys don’t know how to introduce you either so they go with what they think is right which is actually totally wrong and sends girls spiraling into an internal psycho tantrum by saying, “Hey this is my friend Jen.” FRIEND?! Oh no he did not just call you his friend. Honestly he doesn’t mean it like that, but he has no clue what he just started in your head which will potentially be an argument later on of you telling him that he just considers you friends, and he will not even remember the event of introducing you as that.

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Ladies as much as you can, try to keep the crazy in of how you feel not having a title. If you want that title he cannot know how psycho you are. Remember, let a little psychoness out at a time, guys cant handle it all at once. As for the title, don’t let it stress you out more than it should. Sure it’s okay to stress out about it if you’ve been dating forever and he hasn’t made it official. Sometimes guys just don’t realize that they are slacking. This is when you can let a little smidgen of psycho show and have the “what are we?” talk. This way you either corner him into making you his girlfriend, or you’ll know if that is even his intention or if you are wasting your time. Be strong girls and be openly psycho in small doses.

Subtext Psycho

How many times have you told your girlfriends that you are having a psycho girl moment? For my roomie and I this is a daily occurrence. Some of you may not know what a psycho girl moment is so let me take a moment to enlighten you. A psycho girl moment is when you are having a thought that if your guy knew about it, he would think you’re a psycho and either be scared or break up with you, or both. Almost all of my psycho girl moments, like for many other girls, have been a result of texting. Texting can be so misleading because you cannot hear a tone of voice which makes a huge difference in conversations. Tone is how we determine moods, or emphasize words. Without it we are left to guessing which can cause a huge mess. Although texting is the biggest culprit of psycho girl moments, it still stands as our main form of communication.

Now what is an example of a psycho girl moment? I’ll give you one of mine. My boyfriend was on his way home from visiting his family and I was going to meet him at his place. I was trying to text him and all of his responses were getting shorter and shorter. Suddenly all I could think about was what I could have possibly done to make him mad. I mean he had to be mad at me right? Why else would he be texting me so short? He never had before? I must have done something wrong! I scrolled back through and read all of our texts from that day. There was nothing out of the ordinary and I didn’t say anything bad. Now I was really freaked out because I couldn’t figure out why he was mad because he obviously was.

I was so tempted to text him and ask if everything was okay. But then what if something was wrong? Or even worse, what if nothing was wrong? If I ask him what is wrong, and he says nothing, then he is going to ask me why? Then I am going to have to tell him that he is texting weird, and then he thinks I am a psycho girlfriend and it will start something out of nothing. So instead of texting him and starting a big psycho mess, I called my sister. I told her that I was tempted to text him and she pretty much slapped me through the phone. She told me that everything was probably fine and to just wait until I see him. Good idea. So I waited.

text vomit

When I heard the key turn at his place and I knew he was about to walk in I was so nervous. Was he going to walk in mad, normal, smiling? I just didn’t know!  I saw him come through the door. He seemed okay, just a little tired but that was okay, it was late. I asked how the drive was and he told me it sucked and that there was so much traffic. So there was the reason he was irritated. He absolutely hates traffic. After he put his stuff away he came up to me. He told me sorry he was texting so short. On his way to his family’s he had gotten a speeding ticket and he said he didn’t want to get another one for texting on the phone. So right there explained it all. What I took and exaggerated in my own mind of me doing something wrong that he was mad at, was really him driving in traffic and not wanting to get a ticket. You could imagine my relief. I also felt a little foolish for making up an entire scenario in my head, but not nearly as foolish as if I would have actually asked him if something was wrong.

These psycho moments are bound to happen. We are girls and girls are psycho, that’s just how it is. My advice to all of you though is to seek help when you are feeling the urge to act on you psycho moment. Phone a friend and talk it out before you doing something you regret. You need to hide and contain your psycho self deep down. She tries to come out and you must control her! My other piece of advise is to make sure you and your guy actually have real conversations on the phone sometimes and not just text all the time. It really makes a difference. Don’t get caught up in the imaginary subtext of your text that you created in your head. Don’t be a psycho.