How a hungry and frustrating drive goes for my Roomie and I. This pretty much sums up Saturday.
Me: What the hell, why is there traffic?
Roomie: Because idiots don’t know how to drive.
Me: Ugh I hate Idiots.
Roomie: They are the worst.
Me: Oh my gosh look at that sign! The onramp for the 15 south is closed!
Roomie: No wonder there is traffic.
Me: Well what do we do now?
Roomie: I’ll check my phone for another way… Okay get off on the next exit and turn left.
Me: Okay… Oh my gosh why is this person driving so slow? GET OUT OF THE WAY! Okay now where?
Roomie: Left on Ontario.
Me: Okay cool.
Roomie: What’s this idiot doing?!
Me: What a douche!
Roomie: Seriously what is today?
Roomie: OH MY GOD YOU EFFING IDIOT! GET YOUR GHETTO ASS OUT OF HERE?
Me: Why did he even think he could make that? People are so duuuuumb!
Me: We are literally going to catch every red light. The party starts in 15 minutes.
Roomie: There better be alcohol.
Me: We need mimosas. MOVE!
Roomie: Oh look, another light.
Me: Of course. I mean why would we get there on time? We’d rather drive around with all of these ass holes… “Details of your incompetence do not interest me.”
Roomie: “So I said to myself go ahead, take a chance, hire the smart, fat girl.”
Me: We need to watch that movie soon.
Roomie: Yeah we do.
Me: Seriously we are so close to the freeway! Why can’t we get there?!
Roomie: Because of this stupid ass Explorer in front of us.
Me: I can’t even get around him! We are never going to make it!
Roomie: I just want that drink.
Me: At least we look good.
Roomie: Hell yeah we do!
Me: As long as we are the best dressed there then it’s all good.
Roomie: We will be, we always are.
Me: And we better win the hat competition because we don’t lose.
Roomie: Oh we will, just look at our hats!
Me: True, very “hand me a mimosa” looking.
Roomie: Oh my gosh the freeway!
Me: ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME?! WE ARE THIS CLOSE TO THE FREEWAY AND WE ARE STUCK AT A LIGHT?!
Me: Oh great, now we are stuck in the intersection because this douche won’t move up.
Roomie: Eww don’t honk at us!
Me: Move along people nothing to see.
Roomie: Finally the freeway!
Me: Woooo we are moving now!
Roomie: Why are there red lights up there?
Me: Ughhhh more traffic?
Roomie: Is this a sign we shouldn’t go?
Me: NO! I bought a $30 dress for this shit, we are going!
Roomie: I think you need to get off soon.
Me: Okay then I should get out of the carpool lane. Seriously? I put my blinker on before the opening and this lady is speeding up.
Me: Like really ,I can’t get out she won’t move. Great now I missed the opening. No don’t flip her off! Get your hand over here!
Roomie: I don’t give a shit!
Me: Thank god there is another opening. We are almost there!
Roomie: How many lights will we get stuck at this time?
Me: Good going, now we are stuck at one.
Roomie: Look at this idiot trying to be cool in his Honda.
Me: Lame. What the hell I wasn’t even trying to race you.
Roomie: Okay turn here.
Me: Hopefully we can just sneak in. We have to park all the way up here.
Roomie: Let’s just get inside.
Me: Oh look there are the girls. Hey! She was just here, where did she go?
Roomie: Hey I’m back I got us mimosas.