Real Talk – Fear #1

Fears are something everyone has, and I think it is safe to say that everyone has more than one fear. None of this fake “Four only has four fears” Divergent nonsense, although I do love that book series, but it is only a story! Everyone has fears and I am no different. It is funny to think of fears as an adult rather than as a kid. As a child I think we usually associated fear with literal scary things like monsters and being frightened… and spiders… still a very relevant fear. But as an adult, we have different fears that have developed, fears that children may not understand why they would be scary.

Today I am just talking about one of my fears. It seems like something silly but I know I am not alone in it, or at least I hope not. I fear doing things alone. Not things like grocery shop, get food, and every day things, but like going to events or places I have never been before type of things. For example, last year Nordstrom hosted these Style Tips and Sips nights at some of their stores. I thought that sounded fun, and it was free, so I signed up. As the night approached I already felt anxious about it. The night of the event I drove to Nordstrom which was all of maybe 2 miles from my place and sat in the parking lot talking on the phone with my sister. I was telling her how I was trying to think of any excuse not to go and she said she knew I would but was happy I was there. Finally I walked in to where the little meeting was supposed to be held and saw no one! I started to panic. I think that is one thing that invokes this fear the most, I hate looking lost or like I do not know what I am doing. Finally a super cute girl in a super cute outfit walked up and asked if I was there for the Style Tips and Sips and said they decided to change to a better location and showed me the way. I went in the room and was the first one there. As time went on it turned out I was the only one who showed that night so I got a little one on two style session with the girl who saved me, Taylor, and one of the beauty girls Lizia (I probably totally spelled that wrong, sorry babe!). It turned out to be so fun and ended with us girls chit-chatting and following each other on Instagram. Taylor is now someone I constantly see and interact with on Insta. Something I was afraid to go to, turned into a new little friendship, I was so happy I went.

So now the question, why am I so afraid of things like that?! I don’t even know if I know the right answer. I think it boils down to caring what others think. As I said earlier, I hate looking like I don’t know what I am doing or looking lost. But why?! Why do I lack the confidence to just do something and if I do it wrong who cares? It is a flaw that can really be crippling, but I am actively trying to work on it. I can’t remember exactly when we said it, but Tabitha (my sister) and I were giving each other a pep talk when we were trying to take photos and were afraid of looking lame, and we just said let’s do it! Do scary things! Since then, whenever I want to try something scary (to me) I just repeat that phrase in my head, do scary things. Every single time I do a scary thing, I come out so happy that I did it. Knowing this, has given me more confidence to do more. Well I still feel scared, but I can convince myself faster to just do it.

At church on Sunday, something was said that really stuck with me, “How much more of an adventure would life be, if we didn’t have to feel like we had to have it all together?” I will probably talk about this phrase again, but wow! If I didn’t care so much what others would think, then I probably wouldn’t have this fear of doing things alone and looking “silly”. Why do we need to have it all together when we only need to care about what God thinks? And if we are doing everything to serve and live by Him then we should know we are doing things right, amiright?! How much am I missing out on because I am scared? Probably a whole lot. I am not saying that boom I addressed this issue to the public, now I can be free from my fear. No, this is going to take some work and has been taking some work. Fear, no matter what it is for, imprisons you. It is not something that will go away, but I want to be able to manage it, acknowledge that it is there, and choose to move past it. Disclaimer, I think fear for real scary things is a safe thing… like jumping off a bridge, doing something illegal, or doing something you know is dangerous and you shouldn’t do. That little voice saying hey this is scary and you can get hurt or die, yes, listen to that little guy, but fear that makes you say no to life, let’s try to ignore him.

Does anyone share this little yet big fear with me? I would love to hear about it to know I am not alone here. Let’s overcome it together, say it with me DO SCARY THINGS! (the little voice in my head is saying SAFE SCARY THINGS! hahah, yes I am Chucky from the Rugrats)… more fears to come, I think it is helping to talk about it.

Happy Wednesday!

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Jumping, Screaming, Not So Joy Ride

I was driving down the freeway after work when I saw something move on the windshield. It was a spider but oh thank God it was on the outside. Wait… That’s on the inside! Holy mother, oh my goodness I am going to crash! It’s okay, it’s a small one, I can kill it. Let me just grab a napkin out of my bag of french fries (tragic in itself). The spider came closer to me so I grabbed my napkin and went for it! Guess what happened?? It freaking jumped! There was a jumping spider in my car on the freeway. I was thinking just be cool, don’t crash.

So I was driving carefully but kept watching the spider. It started making a web across my WHOLE windshield! Great, this is just terrible. Finally I noticed it coming my way again after awhile. It was trying to hook it’s web on my door. How dare he! I went after him again! I think I hit him? He either jumped or fell. God knows where he is, please let him rest in peace. I just pray that I don’t get into a giant web when I get in my car in the morning! Seriously the more I fear spiders, the more they come after me!