Take a Chance On Me, In Person

I submitted this to Popsugar over a year ago and they didn’t publish it, so I might as well not let it go to waste. Read below to see my then and still struggle with the dating apps 🙃

(I actually have two others that haven’t been published, I am on a good streak with them… 0 published and 3 declined but who is counting? WE WILL NOT GIVE UP! But I will post the other two on here as well)

PS – I hope the title of this gets “Take a Chance on Me” by ABBA stuck in your head for three days. That is my gift to you if you get nothing else from this story. Okay now read:

Perhaps I have run out of eligible men that I already know that I would consider dating.

Take a Chance On Me, In Person – 10/30/18

I have had to come to a kind of surprising and possibly scary realization that never really mattered much until recently, where I have found myself 28 and single. The realization: I have never been on a real date. Now let me explain what I mean when I use the term “real date”. I have never been on a date with a guy that I did not previously know or was not already talking to. For example, I was in three long term relationships back to back. The first was a four and half year relationship which started in high school and ended in the middle of college. Our first date was on Valentine’s Day. He surprised me when I got off work and told me what restaurant we were going to, but that I had to drive because he was fifteen and did not have a license yet. It was romantic and innocent in the typical high school date fashion. My second long term boyfriend lasted around two years. Although I was in college, we knew each other from high school and used to help each other sneak into Spanish II late and undetected. Our first date was at Disneyland. My third and most recent long term relationship lasted just shy of four years. We were both two years out of college but kind of knew each other in college. Our first date was at Lazy Dog after weeks of texting. See the trend here?

I now find myself single and with no prospects. Perhaps I have run out of eligible men that I already know that I would consider dating. That leaves me with the great unknown dating world and to be honest, it terrifies me. I have so many questions and nerves. Where do you start? Where is a good place to meet good guys? How do you even talk to guys once you pry them out of their hiding spots? How do you know if they are psychos or not? My fears are never ending. I have noticed a pattern though. I have been single for 9 months now, so friends are starting to get curious if I am dating or ready to date yet. Almost every single one of them have asked, “Are you on the dating apps?” You know, all the free ones like Tinder, Bumble, Plenty of Fish, Coffee Meets Bagel, the list goes on and on. Even acquaintances and strangers, that is the first thing they ask when I say I am not seeing anyone. I immediately tell them, “No I am not online dating and I do not want to be part of that,” but now I am the curious one. Not curious to be on the apps, but whether or not the dating apps are the new norm for dating in today’s world?

I am starting to question if I have missed the entire era of good old fashion dating where you meet someone in person, feel a spark or some sort of interest, and the guy asks you out to dinner or drinks. Is this something that will only ever be remembered in movies and in tales of our parents telling us how it used to be in their day before evil technology took over the world? I have this burning urge to resist this new way, yet I am doing nothing to prove myself right. I keep telling myself that I want to give myself a chance on finding a date on my own before resulting to the dating apps. It is almost as if I have convinced myself that the apps are for giving up. They seem like the easy way out, letting them all come to you and weeding through the bad one liners.

What gets me the most confused is that in my head I have built up how against the dating apps I am, yet everyone who asks me if I am on them asks so with such normalcy. I cannot help but wonder if this is just what you do now. Not one friend or stranger that has asked me has done so with sarcastic tones or judgment in their voices. They have asked out of pure curiosity. I am the one pre-judging myself for even uttering or thinking the word “Tinder”. Yet again, I am not going out to try and find a date “the good old fashion way”. Instead I talk about it, make it sound like it could be fun, continue to dis the dating apps, and continue to not go out and meet people. At this rate I am going to die alone from sheer stubbornness all because I do not want to say I met my man online.

I am at a standstill, caught between hypocrisy and acceptance. Is there a right and wrong about the “correct” way to date, or is it more a battle of which is more effective rather than which is right? I know the pros to online dating, like not having enough time to “get out there” calls to me with all of my being, because who has the time to get ready and cast a line out there in anticipation that a good and (hopefully) attractive guy takes the bait? But as soon as I have a hint of wonder to download one of the apps, I think how much of a hypocrite I am being after badmouthing the act. I have come to the conclusion, to settle my mind on both sides, that I need to go out and give it a go at least once, evaluate the experience, and decide from there if I can handle it again, or if I want to take advantage of the apps as a tool and not a defeat. If this is the new norm, and everyone I talk to thinks it is normal to go on the apps, then maybe I am the one who is not normal and needs to get with the times.

Where to Fish?

The topic of “fishing” has been coming up oh so often in my life now. For those of you who have not been following along, fishing is my code for finding an eligible bachelor. My bffff and I started calling it that at the Angel game we went to a couple weeks ago (catch up here). Since then it has been a topic of discussion. On my Instagram story I posted a question, “Where do you find people or where did you find your person?”. That has been my biggest wonder. Obviously I know you need to go out (which I am just so bleh about) but where are good places to go out to? Among the answers I got, the most common answer was online. Come to think of it, everyone I have spoken to about being single, their first question has been “are you on the dating apps?”.

Is this the new societal norm that when one becomes single you instantly make an online profile? Do people from our generation not go out to find someone the good old fashion way? I can’t help but wonder, did I miss out on that way of life?

I was in three long term relationships with no casual dating in between. I have actually never been on a real date. When I say real, I mean a date with someone I didn’t know previously. I have never just met someone and exchanged numbers because we were both interested and then gone on a date. Is this not how it happens anymore?

This is in no offense to anyone who has tried online dating or even who has succeeded at it, but to me personally, I always thought online dating was for when you have given up on trying to find someone on your own by going out into the world. I feel like I shouldn’t even try online dating until I have at least given myself a chance of finding someone on my own, yet everyone else seems it is acceptable to just go straight for dating apps. Are we that unable of finding a match for ourselves?

Again, this is in no offense to anyone on the apps, this is my personal opinion. There is nothing wrong with finding a date online, just in my personal opinion, I would like to try it on my own first. Mind you, I never go out so this process is going swimmingly. But I am finally in the mindset where I want to go out, so if you have any REAL suggestions of good places to go, let me know.

This doesn’t mean I might not be on the apps in the future, I just want to bet on myself and give myself a try. I know I am not a great talker. I feel so awkward and talk fast when I am nervous. I need to challenge myself and meet someone in person.  Starting off meeting someone via an online chat is not going to help the situation. In church they said there are the most connections today than ever before, but there is the least amount of connectedness than ever before. We connect online but do not know how to actually be connected. I think we need to change this!

I hope my next fishing post will be about me getting out there. My bffff said she will be my wing woman so we just need to make some plans, are you ready bfff?!

I think in realty I am just really excited to pick out an outfit for a date LOL! I bought a super cute top from the Nordstrom Anniversary sale that I thought would be cute for a date that I don’t have yet. I wore this other outfit below last night and I woke up to a text from my bffff saying it was cute and asked if I went fishing. At first I thought she literally meant fishing with a pole and all HAHA! But come to think of it, this would make a cute casual date outfit. Items linked below!

Top (this top is almost sold out so here are a couple similar options: one and two | Jeans | Shoes | Necklace

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