30…

Hi guys! Been a minute. I think I start every post off that way lately but whatever. I haven’t written in a while and that is okay. So, uh, what has happened since my last post?  Well let’s see, happy new year, I still have braces, and oh yeah, I TURNED 30! Still unclear how I feel about it but due to the near mental breakdowns over the last two weeks, I’d say it is going swimmingly 🙃.

I don’t even know why it happened. It started the week of my birthday (my birthday was on a Friday) as I felt each hour passing over the death of my youth. Dramatic much? You don’t even know. But I was in a straight MOOD. I was not ready to let go of my twenties. In fact I have made the decision that I am not actually 30 until I get my braces off, but if we are talking technicalities here, I will humor you and we will say that I AM 30 right now. Anyways, 30 just seems so adult, and like me… I am not an adult. Adults have like spouses and/or kids and drama with their in-laws. Meanwhile I am over here single, yelling at Pilot Pete on The Bachelor to get rid of that crazy betch.

I don’t even know if this is classified as a meltdown, but I myself felt as if I was melting down. I was so grumpy and on the verge of tears. It was like the sky was falling and I couldn’t do anything to hold it up. But alas, Friday came and I turned 30 and I didn’t drop dead so I have that going for me. Two of my sisters and I tried to go to Emo Nite in LA on that night to celebrate the music of my youth and we didn’t get in so….. not sure what that means, but I got to smell what I can only assume was fresh urine on the steps leading us up to Sunset Blvd so we could walk into a bar to just sit and waste that last hour of parking we paid $25 for to go to a venue we couldn’t get into. BUT EVERYTHING IS FINE. *insert My Chemical Romance lyrics, “Trust me, I’M NOT OKAYYYY!”*

The day after the failed attempt at celebrating, we REALLY celebrated. We had a house party at my parents house for my birthday and it was SO FUN! We all got lit and played drinking games and I was completely hungover the next day.

Then came Monday (enter dark cloud stage left)… the start of the second meltdown. I had crippling anxiety ALL DAY. It was brought on by something so stupid and trivial and was a result of me overthinking like the psycho girl that I am, thinking that I ruined a situation THAT ISN’T EVEN A REAL SITUATION. I know I am being vague and cryptic, but all I can say is, know your place in a “non-relationship”. The anxiety lasted all day. I barely ate, all I wanted to do was crawl into a hole. This anxiety, although lessened, lasted all week. It was horrible. This week we are better. I still keep getting little waves of anxiety but small.

Is this 30? For the week that I have been 30 I can say that I am not impressed. Everyone says how great it is but I think they just tell you so you are less scared, or they are just excited you are about to join them in misery. Either or. Who me? Cynical? NEVER 😈.

This may have been a very confusing rant, but you know what? If this isn’t a representation of a melting down 30 year old then I do not know what is. Bring it on!

4 thoughts on “30…

  1. I know 30 came at you fast but ya know what?! You don’t know that 30 will be bad cause you only been out here a week! And just because 30 is so far no less tragic than 29 doesn’t mean it has to be more tragic!!! We will check in again once the braces come off and you are officially 30 lol.

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