Life Changes and Heartbreak

I think it is time to get a little real, okay a lot real. I think I am ready. The last four months have been nothing less than a roller coaster. Instagram as everyone knows, or should know, is not real life. It is real and the pictures and moments we share are real, but the good cannot exist in this life without the bad, and naturally we only choose to share the good. The past four months I have worked hard to keep up “good” and “fine” appearances on social media, but I was not fine. From a few subtle Instagram stories I shared, some may have noticed that I moved, but you may not know why.

Since I have moved out of my parents house four years ago, I have moved four times and I HATE MOVING. First I moved in with one of my best friends (you all know her, it was Heather!), the next year I moved in with my boyfriend, the next year he and I moved into a new apartment (hang on, let me rephrase that, I MOVED us to a new apartment while he was away at basic training), and a year and a half later, I just moved in with my sister and her family, without him.

About four months shy of four years and he ended it. This was exactly four months ago today. Even four months later I still can’t believe it sometimes. I understand why, but I don’t understand why. Why after almost four years can you not know if you EVER want to get married? How can you start a relationship so perfectly and as the years go on, lose how to be a boyfriend? Lose affection? Why couldn’t you try? Why didn’t you want to try? Why are you so convinced you cannot change?

So things ended and we lived together. Our lease doesn’t end until October and there is no way out unless he gets military orders. We were stuck. I had to come home and see the man who broke me every night. Eventually he started staying at a friends during the week and I would come home to sit in our apartment alone. I left almost every weekend for a distraction and so he could actually come home. Finally after a month, he offered to take over the lease and my sister and brother-in-law offered to let me move in. That was the hardest move I have ever done. How was I supposed to pack up my things and leave his behind? To remove any trace of me out of that apartment that we made our home? It took a lot to get the motivation to even start. I would go through waves of emotions while packing, devastation, frustration, anger, sobbing. Mostly I just packed through constant silent tears. I got it all done and started officially living with my sister in March. Driving away after giving him the keys made it real, I would not be seeing him again. It felt like a month long breakup, the slowest band aid in the world.

I understand why. You don’t know if you ever want to get married or have a family, but you know I do, and you don’t want to waste anymore of my time. I get it. I also get that I didn’t give you that feeling that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me. You didn’t love me like I loved you. These last four months have been the hardest for me. I have to drive by our old apartment twice a day and every time I am looking for your truck both terrified and longing to be even next to you on the freeway. I have never experienced such emptiness, brokenness, anxiety, and suffocation all at the same time. It was like someone was sitting on my chest and it was hard to breathe, and for hours every day I have to sit in my car with no one but my thoughts of you and how you don’t want me anymore. I think of how I wanted to be the one who changed you, to make you want to be better. But I guess you really can’t change people, only God can, and I still continue to pray for you every day. I still feel weird without you, like I am not quite myself. Sometimes I feel like I do not know how to carry on a conversation anymore because every story I want to tell has you in it. How am I just supposed to take you out of my life when I wanted you in it forever? How am I supposed to be normal at a family function when everyone is with their significant other and they all know mine left me? What do you say when all your friends say “the right guy will come,” and you just want to scream because you feel like the right guy just didn’t want you? Deep down you pray they are right, but you don’t even want to pray for the right guy because it feels wrong and you just want the old guy back. How am I supposed to breakup with your family that has become my family? I feel like I am the one that failed sometimes.

For the first time in a long time I feel like I have no control because my future is unknown, and it is an unsettling feeling that I hope turns to excitement eventually. It is often hard for me to let go, and when I say often I mean always. Life feels like it has completely turned upside down. I am so thankful to my sister and brother-in-law for letting me move in, but it is their home and not mine. I am a long term guest and I try so hard to not be in the way. For the first time I don’t feel like I have a real home, a place I can truly call mine. My days are spent in my car commuting and at work, if I am lucky I have 3 hours to do anything. My commute tripled and I now drive 46 miles one way. In order to get to work early enough to leave early enough to avoid as much traffic as I can, I have to leave for work by 5:15am and leave for home by 3:30pm. The drive in still takes at best an hour and ten minutes and the drive home averages an hour and a half to two. If I go to the gym I am not home until after 7 or 8pm. Trying to go to bed early has been a joke and waking up at 4:15am is next to impossible most days. Weeks of averaging five hours of sleep a night doesn’t work for me very well and doesn’t do any good for outrageous emotions.

Two weeks ago he picked up his dirt bike from my dad’s. That was the last lingering piece of him. I noticed after it was gone I felt a little lighter. Maybe I was anticipating him going to pick it up because I wanted to know what he would say to my dad and how he would act. It was like I was going to live vicariously through my dad to have one last connection with him. Now there is nothing left and I felt okay. I actually noticed I have been significantly better until I sat down to write this blog. You would think you only had so many tears to spare for one person, but no they come yet again. I do not regret our four years together despite everyone telling me they wished he hadn’t have wasted so much of my time. I was still in love, even if looking back now it may have been more one sided than I chose to believe. I know now I deserve better. I want someone that will hold my hand in private and in public, someone who will hug me every day like they mean it and will give me a good morning kiss, hello I am home from work kiss, I will be right back kiss, a good night kiss, and any other kiss in between. I want someone who will say I love you first and not just say it in response with no emotion. I want someone who isn’t afraid to post a picture with me and show everyone he knows that I am his. I want someone who isn’t afraid to pray and love God.

Every day I get stronger, and still some days seem like a step back. I can’t see a black Ford F150 without my heart fluttering, but last week I drove by the apartments and didn’t notice until I passed them. One day at a time, that is all I can give myself. I thank God every day for all of the friends and family He has put in my life to help get me through this. For the ones who know I don’t like to talk about these things but want me to know they are still thinking of me and praying for me even if they aren’t asking about it. I pray for him too, that God will change his heart and that one day he will find true happiness. One day at a time and eventually I will be there.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23

xoxo- B

A little Pattern Mix

My favorite patterns to mix are stripes and florals. Something about those two together just calls to me. My got to is a black and white striped top with one of my three floral kimonos over, but yes I know you can’t mix ALL stripes and ALL florals, but it has been fun to try it in new ways. Some of my favorite denim shorts are my Topshop high waist “mom” jeans that have a big embroidered rose on each side. I think I have mentioned before that when I asked my sister if she liked them before I bought them, she cracked a joke about me wanting to be a camp counselor. Turns out she loves them now! Since these shorts only have two flowers they can hardly be called floral print right? So I took advantage to add in a third pattern. I paired a black and white striped tank, easy tucked into my camp counselor shorts, and added my cheetah print espadrille mules from the dv line for Target (linked here! PS- they run small, I got a half size up). They are not the big cheetah print, they are the small almost more polkadot like print. It may all sound weird but I think it worked. I have actually been able to add these shoes into a lot of outfits and they just work because the print really isn’t that loud. They are also SUPER comfy. Do you have favorite patterns you like to mix? Let me know because I need to branch out!

(I am also super obsessed with this round sunglasses and they are only $14! I am going to get like three more colors. Linked here!)

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I am doing the “scurry, sniff, FLINCH!” like Timon in The Lion King 1 1/2 duh!

“Casual” Backyard Graduation Party Look

I have probably said it before but I love wearing fake casual looks. I guess it is not necessarily fake, I mean I love dressing casual looks up. This way technically you are still casual, but you are also still undercover over dressed. Yesterday was my youngest sister’s graduation and grad. party. To the graduation I didn’t know what to wear so I went safe with my “blogger dress” (you know the perfect dress all the bloggers have, posted here on insta) and wedges. The graduation party was at our parents house in the backyard. I had been trying to figure out all week what to wear. I know our backyard parties are not a dressy thing, but I wanted to look cute and I knew I wanted to wear high waisted shorts (that were not denim) and a crop that only showed like not that much of my stomach. After almost three different options, I found the perfect shorts at Target and the perfect simple cropped tee at Nordstrom. Together these two made a pretty simple and casual outfit but I wanted to dress it up a little. I paired the look with my favorite tan wedges which I think make everything look better, and added a pair of summery gold statement earrings. The crop top was a pretty long one but I bought it with the intention to tie up the front, so I made sure to get a size up. I just love the tied look right now. The shorts also have a matching belt that is supposed to tie in the front but that was too much with my little knot so I tied a bow in the back instead. It all came together really well and I got a lot of compliments, especially on the shorts!

Shop the look here: Top | Shorts | Earrings | Wedges and be sure to follow me on the LIKEtoKNOW.it app where you can shop your screenshots!

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 This is how I plan almost every outfit, I use Pic Stitch! 

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4 Year Blogaversary!

I can’t believe the blog is 4! Sometimes is seems like only yesterday… haha but really, time is going by so fast. For those of you who have been with me since the beginning, you know the.B.Law started off as Tragic Girls with my old roomie/best friend/sorority sister/style panelist Heather and I living together and tracking our tragic stories. A year and a half later I changed the name to the.B.Law to start the change in direction of the blog. Although I loved tragic girls, and yes we are both still tragic… very much so, but my passion is style. I blame it on working in retail for almost 8 years, but it is really something I want to do with my life, and I want to write and actually use my college degree. So why not combine them and write about style? I know the style blogger community is highly saturated, but I believe everyone has something unique to bring to the table. No two people are alike just like no two people’s sense of styles are alike. For example I have a lot of style ideas in common with both Heather and one of my other best friends, Cher (style panelist), but Heather and Cher both have completely different styles than each other. I love getting inspiration from all of my friends, models, movies and TV shows, strangers, and other style bloggers, and turning it into something of my own. Style to me is the best way to express myself. It is literally all up in your face and you can really read someone by what they are wearing. You can tell if I am feeling confident, lazy, bold, safe, and so much more. I have also said this before but I LOVE they way a good outfit makes you feel. When you are super excited about a look and you know you look good in it, it is like an adrenaline rush. You end up with a completely different sense of confidence that can last all day.

I really feel like this is a good year for the.B.Law. Last year had some good growth and I learned a lot and I got to try quite a few more collaborations, but this year I know it is going to get even better and bigger. Just in time for my 4 year blogaversary, I hit one of my blog goals… I got accepted to rewardStyle!! I would talk about it all the time that I just want to be cool and be on LIKEtoKNOW.it. I gave it a try and applied and got denied, as expected. I grew some more and tried again, and again denied. You can bet I wasn’t giving up though! I applied last Thursday just for the heck of it because I was impatient to wait any longer and Friday I got an email THAT I WAS ACCEPTED! I was so excited I danced around my office at work and told my three coworkers AND THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT IS! I literally went downstairs just to tell one of the receptionists about it because I knew she knew LIKEtoKNOW.it and would be excited with me LOL (You always got my back!). Anyways, AHHHHH! I am literally so excited, I feel so legit now! Next goal, get to “swipe up” on my stories, I will get there!

There will be so much more style coming to the blog and I am so excited. There will be another change though. My focus for the last year and a half has been office style and how to keep your personal style at work. Although that will still be very present as I work in an office, that will not be my main focus. I have felt myself evolving more and more away from that and I want to see where that takes me. A couple years ago I did this online blogger class and she really stressed to start off with a specific niche before being so broad. It was 100% true. I got way more traction and followers by being a sort of “expert” in my niche, and then eventually you will grow out of it. I think my growing has begun. Now I will need to create a new graphic for my blog so look for that change too!

Lastly, this is more me related than blog related, but I applied to be a contributing writer for LOCALE Magazine and I got accepted! I am super excited and nervous but this will be great experience and may even open some new doors. The start of 2018 completely turned my world upside-down (I promise I am finally ready to talk about it, hopefully next week), and finally I feel like things are starting to settle and get good again. The news of rewardStyle and LOCALE made me feel like I have something to look forward to again. I am excited to see what the rest of the year will hold for the.B.Law, I feel like things can only keep getting better! Thanks for sticking around! Comment if you have any questions, suggestions, or want to share anything! Also… follow me on the LIKEtoKNOW.it app! (new line in every post haha, SO EXCITED!)

Fun fact: this is my 300th post! (not planned, just a coincidence =] )

xoxo – Britt

Shop the look: Hat | Dress

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Friday 5 – Places to be Basic in Downtown Palm Springs

Taking photos in cute places is just what we do. Do you ever go to a hip and trendy place and NOT think to take a picture? Of course not. It is part of our society today. Capture the moment and post it on Instagram so all of your followers can see how cool you are. Apparently now that means you are “basic”. It is funny to think how the word basic has more of a negative connotation now than a positive, or that it can mean anything other than what it actually means. But you know what? If I am being honest, I like being basic. I like taking pictures where ever I go. I like going to places JUST to take pictures, and who cares?! Want to know who cares? ME! I know, I’m a walking hypocrite. I have been working on it though. When you just suck it up and have your friend take the “basic” photo of you like you don’t care what other people think because you are a confident woman, you realize everyone else around you is trying to be just that and is waiting for the right moment to not feel lame enough to take their photo in that exact same spot. Start giving others around you the confidence to just take the picture already! 

Well now that we have that out of the way, I want to embrace being basic. My girlfriends and I started using the term “elevated basic”, which is what is used to describe the new line coming out exclusively at Nordstrom from style icon/blogger powerhouse Something Navy by Arielle Charnas. So I am starting something new. I want to start going places and finding five spots to be basic and take good photos in, sort of a Basic Girls Guide. So I grabbed my babes and we headed to downtown Palm Springs, my obvious new favorite place. Even though I have been downtown plenty of times, each time I find new spots to go. There is just so much down there it is hard to choose! We narrowed it down though. This is the.B.Law’s first Friday 5: places to be basic in downtown Palm Springs:

 1- Farm, the cutest restaurant I have ever been to this far in my life. It is tucked away so you could pass right by and not even notice it. Before one of my girlfriends suggested it, I had walked by it numerous times. During the week and Sunday it is only open 9am-2pm, Friday 9am-2pm and 6-9:30pm, and Saturday 8am-2pm and 6-9:30pm, so you have to plan, you can’t just show up whenever you want. Side note: they only take reservations for dinner. When we were shown to our table I was in awe. Majority of the restaurant is a patio, but not just a plain patio, oh no. They have trees, vine covered trellises, and umbrellas. The tables are set with mismatched colored and shaped glasses, the napkins are different prints, all sorts of shaped and sized bottles as vases with simple flowers, even the bathroom was cute! I was in love. It was like we had just left the downtown strip and got to sit and relax in a secret place. The ambiance was very laid back, it was quite and cool in the shade. Through all of this Instagram heaven haze don’t forget there is food here too! My girlfriends and I have been to Farm twice now and got the same appetizer both times that we spied on our neighbor’s table the moment we first sat down. Baked brie with brown sugar and hazelnuts, toast points, fig jam, and apples, need I say more? I wish I could eat that every day for forever. Farm is definitely the place for good food and good photos. Add it to your list. (Farm – 6 La Plaza, Palm Springs, CA 92262)

 

 2- Ice Cream & Shop(pe) is connected to the ever so popular hotel Arrive. I found this place on Instagram and decided I wanted to go there just for a picture with their neon sign, “#Palm Springs is Better”. It turns out the rest of the shop is cute too and they have really good ice cream, which is good news considering it is an ice cream shop… The three of us ended up getting the same, LAVENDER ICE CREAM! It tasted amazing! I was kind of expecting it to taste like a lavender latte, you know, kind of perfume-y, but it didn’t. It was sweet and creamy and the prettiest color. I love that the shop doubles as a little gift shop with super cute and trendy things, like flamingo pool floats and tumblers. (Ice Cream & Shop(pe) – 1551 N Palm Canyon Dr Ste A, Palm Springs, CA 92262)

 3- Ernest Coffee, because you can’t start Sunday (or any day) without a cup of coffee. To be honest I wanted to go to this specific coffee shop just for their book wall. I love book stores so of course I want a photo in front of what looks like a million vintage books. Getting a coffee and getting properly posed on the booth side is a must. Ernest doesn’t just have a cool booth with a book wall though, they also have a super cute patio with palm leaf print cushions! I’m just saying, if we are talking Instagram opportunities, then get yourself a mimosa because yes they serve those too, head to the patio and sit candidly on the palm print soaking up the glory of a Palm Springs morning. Darn I wish I would have thought of that one while I was there! (Ernest Coffee – 1101 N Palm Canyon Dr, Palm Springs, CA 92262)

 4- The Moorten Botanical Garden and Cactarium, a cacti haven! I am sure you have seen this on Instagram already, but we went to the botanical garden basically for the cactarium. Along the path to the cacterium enclosure is pretty cool too though. They have cacti and succulents from all over (with some good photo ops obviously), and at the end was the cactarium in its own sort of greenhouse with rare cacti. Let me tell you, I want a greenhouse just to have the perfect lighting inside. Don’t worry, we actually looked at the cacti too. (Moorten Botanical Garden and Cactarium – 1701 S Palm Canyon Dr, Palm Springs, CA 92264)

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 5- The Palm Springs Art Museum, to look at art and stuff. We had been wanting to go here for a long time and the weekend we went happened to be the start of the Andy Warhol exhibit so that was really exciting. His art is so fun and colorful, and I feel like it just really fits today’s scene and Palm Springs especially. Regardless of the exhibit, doesn’t taking a photo at an art museum just feel so New York? (Palm Springs Art Museum – 300 S Palm Canyon Dr, Palm Springs, CA 92262)

I cannot sum up downtown Palm Springs in just five spots. I could probably do four or five of these posts because there are seriously so many places down there, I already have two more for the next time. If you have any Palm Springs suggestions, please let me know! I am always up for a new place. Stay tuned for the next Friday 5!

 

 

Pineapple Dole Whip!

This last weekend I went to stay with Heather out in Palm Desert (per usual) and it was hot (per usual!). Summer has definitely started out in the desert. Both Saturday and Sunday were 104° yet it felt like 120°. On Sunday we went to the last Vintage Market of the season over in Palm Springs, and we slacked and didn’t get there until 10:30am when it was already around 95°. We browsed the flea market faster than we ever have because we felt like dying. When we were done we headed to downtown just to get pineapple Dole Whip from Lappert’s Ice Cream. We had been talking about getting this all weekend. Have you ever had the Dole Whip from Disneyland? It is the place by the Tiki Room that has the longest line? IT IS THE SAME STUFF! I probably could have eaten an entire pint by myself, but we were good and got smalls. It was the perfect thing to cool us down.

Aside from the Dole Whip, I was super excited to wear this outfit! These are now my fourth pair of high waist denim shorts from Topshop, the “Mom” shorts I have mentioned before (all of which I have bought on sale). I just couldn’t help it with the cute little embroidered flowers! I love that the embroidery isn’t too loud on these. When I originally planned this outfit I wasn’t sure what top I wanted to wear and I was in a rush so I just grabbed this sleeveless button-up from Target. It ended up working quite nicely, besides I love mixing stripes and floral prints. I first tried to easy-tuck the front but that just looked weird, so I tied it instead. It ended up perfect! Find the shorts by Topshop from Nordstrom here, a couple similar tanks from Target are linked here and here, and the sunglasses are BP from Nordstrom linked here! Enjoy and happy Tuesday!

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The Flower Fields

Two Sundays ago, my sister, niece and I went on a little adventure down to The Flower Fields in Carlsbad! I kept seeing photos on Instagram of this place so of course I wanted to go, basic as charged. I didn’t realize when I looked it up though that it was an actual place. That seems silly that I thought it was just a flower field people found, but oh no, it is a real place with vendors and admission to get in (it is $16 for adults but you get $1 off with AAA WOOO! $8 for kiddos). We drove the hour+ to go down there, yes just to take cute photos with flowers and I totally think it was worth it. These fields are huge! They go on for so long. Another silly aspect, yet again I was surprised with how many people were there with the same intentions as us. I need to get over the fact that half of my ideas are not really just mine. Instagram is full of influencers and it works, I get influenced all the time!

Taking photos in the middle of the flowers was a bit of a challenge because there is caution tape warning you against crossing. The warning was no joke as a fierce old man drove up to the girl next to us who dared to cross the green line and yelled at her and asked if she could read what it said. Tip to take a photo along the edge: squat low enough so your whole picture frame is flowers, doubles as leg day. Down the center rows, little paths jut into the fields, with green caution tape of course, so you can get a photo actually in the fields. Those posed a bit of a challenge as well. There are like 100 people behind you also waiting to take a photo so you feel pressure, and waiting for your position (either corner or center on the bench) needs to be planned according to the sun. We planned poorly because we got a bunch of shadow on our faces but it was okay.

All in all it was a fun little girls’ day and I recommend it if you have nothing to do or want super cute photos. Another tip: wear sunscreen even if it is overcast… I got burned. Third tip: buy the kettle corn. Go be basic and check out the fields! It closes this month!

OH! Also how cute is my dress? I know, adorable. It is from Target and so is my hat! Linked here: Dress / hat

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