You know when you’re younger you dream about your life when you’re older? You know, great friends, great relationship, great job, and a home? Well I often still day dream about being grown up and having all of these things, but then I have to wake up and realize that I am grown up. When we were younger we saw ourselves having these things because that is what adults have, or that is what we think. No one tells you really how hard it is. Sure your parents tell you that you have to work hard and we get that, but it is not just hard that you have to work, you have to work REALLY hard. Come November I have been working for ten years. TEN YEARS and I am only 25. Yes I started working when I was 15, and am I any closer to being able to own a home? NO! Sure I have a great job and I know it can pay me well in the future, but getting to that future is difficult when you make just enough to pay all your bills and maybe go out to dinner once with your friends or maybe buy yourself a little something. I do work hard and have been working hard. I am one of the few people I know of (or maybe even the only one I know of) that worked three jobs through college while balancing 18 semester units and still trying to have a college experience by being active and holding executive positions in a sorority. I get the working hard part. It is just sometimes hard for me to believe the hard work paying off part. I have the great friends and the great relationship, I even have a good job that just isn’t up to its full potential yet and I know with patience it will come (i HOPE). But sometimes it is nicer to stay in this day dream that it will come when I am older and pretend that I am not “older” yet, pretend that I don’t feel behind and that I have not been working so hard for ten years for nothing. Sometimes though, this day dream can be heavy. I’ll reflect back now and again and wonder why I have worked so hard? Why did I miss out on so much in college to work three jobs and to be at this point in my life and feel like I do not have much to show for it, except for a nice car that I only have because I totaled the car I paid off by working those three jobs? Life is tough and you have to work hard for it. It comes easier for some, but I have learned and am practicing that I cannot compare myself to others. Everyone is different and we have to grow in our own ways. I just keep telling myself that all of my hard work WILL pay off eventually. Until then, I’ll keep day dreaming and working towards eventually.
I have always known this about myself, I am a people pleaser. This trait can be a good thing and a bad thing, but for myself, since I have not addressed the issue early enough, it is becoming a bad thing. I care so much about what other people think that I do not think about myself enough. Why do I need to always put myself on the back burner? If someone in our group asks where we want to eat, why can’t I make a decision? I would rather go where everyone else wants even if it is a place I do not like. I can witness everyone saying their opinions and their answers and I just wonder why I cannot? Once you get into a habit like this it is hard to break. It is so embedded into my character and this is how people know me. Here is a simple example. My sister does hair and I have an appointment on Saturday. I am going back red and I am so excited. Well she sent me a picture on Instagram with a hair suggestion. It wasn’t really my style and I told her that it was more her than me. She responded another suggestion like doing something similar. All I wanted my answer to be was, “No I already know what I want.” How simple is that? I just didn’t respond, but if I would have I bet it would have been an overcompensating answer being super nice and sugar coating my “NO” so she wouldn’t be mad, when in reality she probably would not have even been mad. What is wrong with me?!
So my confession is that I am a huge people pleaser and my goal is to be more of a me pleaser. I want a say, an opinion, and a stance. This will be a challenge for me but I know I can change a little at a time.
Note: This is the first of my category Tragic Confessions. These will be confessions that are good, bad and funny. There may also be confession by others. Feel free to submit your Tragic Confessions to me to post by emailing firstname.lastname@example.org. These can be anonymous or you can be brave. You can also participate by using #tragicconfessions on Twitter! Follow me at @tragicgirls
Yesterday I said I had one more thing to debut from Maison Jules and what better way than to do that on the first day of fall?! After all, it is a perfect fall color… OLIVE! I have been obsessed with olive lately, and this skirt is an adorable addition. What makes it even better is of course I got it on sale. I was totally excited to wear this outfit today. I paired my new skirt with my striped boyfriend tee from Target, an over sized open cardigan, and my black chunky heels from Steve Madden. I never wear heels to work so I thought these would be a good starter because they aren’t that high. I even wore them ALL DAY, go me! Anyways check it out and happy Fall!
I was pretty excited to wear today’s outfit. I found another sale while I was at Macy’s to only pay my bill, and you guessed it, another Maison Jules find. There were items already on sale and then they were having their VIP sale as well, SO this completely adorable white top with navy and pink polka dots was originally $59.90, was on sale for 25% off then I got 20% off for the VIP sale and it came out to $35.94! I wanted it because not only does it go great with my navy skirt I posted about awhile go from Maison Jules, but it will also look cute with jeans and with a blazer when it starts to get cold. It is also totally work appropriate.
Like I said I paired my top with my navy pencil-ish skirt and topped it off with a small navy statement necklace. The necklace was kind of super matchy but it worked. I wasn’t totally sure on what shoes to wear so I added a brown leather belt so that I could wear my brown leather sandal wedges from Madden Girl. This way the outfit was dressy but not super dressy. After all no one really dresses up at work except for myself and the boss lady, so when I wear something pretty nice people ask me why, I mean it is a construction company. “Why are you dressed up?” “Uh, for work?” I don’t need a reason, I just like to look nice. Remember? You look good, you feel good. Anyways check it out! And stay tuned for the other item I got on sale along with this top! (Hopefully tomorrow it will debut!)
My niece’s birthday party was yesterday. It was a lot of fun and there were a bunch of kiddos in the pool because it was like ridiculously HOT! I went down to the pool to see the kids when one of them swam up to the step to talk to me. She is one of my older sister’s best friend’s (pretty much family) daughter and is 5 years old. She very politely asks me, “Excuse me, can you please take care of this caterpillar that I found?” and holds out her hand to me. I looked at her hand and said, “Sure,” and put my hand out to hers. She dropped the wet caterpillar into my palm. I told her, “I’ll go find a leaf to put it on,” to which she replied, “But is that taking care of it?” I responded to her question, “Yes because it needs to eat.” She looks at me and said, “But it is dead.” “Oh…” I said back and looked down at my hand, “I’ll just go hold it up there for you.”
It was so funny and cute. The look she gave me when she said it was dead was priceless. It was a “hello/obviously” look and I about died but kept my straight face of concern for her caterpillar. By the time she got out of the pool she had completely forgotten about it.
I went to Target today to ONLY get my niece a birthday present for her 3rd birthday and to get chips and dip for her party. I took a detour through the clothes though, duh, and found so many cute things for fall and winter! Oh my goodness I was like “I love this”, and “ooo look at that!” All in my head though since I was there alone. Of course since I didn’t have a shopping buddy I spammed my bfffff with pictures of everything that I liked. So I will share my wish list of pictures with you now.
Check out this open sweater
After wandering aimlessly I moved on to shoes. So many boots!
Which are a perfect color. Oh and these
LOVE these booties. And I surprised myself by liking these
Anyways I have been looking for pointy leopard flats and found some!
So no deal on the heel.
Lastly I saw accessories for boots. How. Cute. Are. These?
It has been strangely long since something tragic has happened to me, but never fear, tragicness found me yet again. The other night I was in the shower and I noticed my hands were kind of white and I could see the veins in them more. Nothing strange really, I could just notice my veins. I kept doing my shower thing and checked my hands again. They were getting even whiter. I didn’t feel that great all day so I started wondering if something was wrong. I checked my hands again and it was getting worse. I could see all of veins in my hands. They were so blue and I could see even the smallest ones going across my fingers. I started panicking. Something was seriously wrong. Of course since I was panicking and focusing on my hands, they started to feel weird in a tingly, numb way. This was the end I knew it! I got out of the shower, wrapped up in my towel, sat down on the toilet and put my head down because I was feeling light headed. I silently told myself (because my boy friend was in the next room) to take deep breaths, in my nose, out my mouth. It is okay, you are just panicking, nothing is wrong. I got dressed and started doing my other things like brush my teeth and was avoiding looking at my hands. After I brushed my teeth I finally looked down at them. They were pink and normal like nothing had happened. I felt such relief and then instantly felt like a psycho. I just had a mini panic attack in the shower because of pale hands and blue veins. I am ridiculous. I am now at the point that I can laugh at it, but I still didn’t tell my boyfriend, he already thinks I am crazy I am sure.